Eclipse and "Wicked" Men: Anne Shirley Had It Right

There are no spoilers here...FYI. I'm keeping this general and safe. It would be wrong to the code of Twilight to ruin your experience in the theater AT ALL:)

I've always loved, understood and been pleasantly haunted by a line in Anne of Green Gables. Marilla asks Anne as they are walking through the pasture "would you want to marry a wicked man?" and Anne replies in her clever, potently witty way "No, but I'd like it if he COULD be wicked, and wouldn't".

And THAT ladies and gents is why women love Edward Cullen. I realized it this morning waking up out of my "got in at 3am" stooper after the six hour Cullen viewing last night. Not only is he a being that by nature, is supposed to be "wicked", he also has the strength to carry that out if he wanted to. Still, on a character level, Edward is fully capable to give into not only his Vampire instincts but his passions for Bella as well. He really COULD be wicked in every way and on every level, and on EVERY level he restrains himself and won't because of his love for virtue and for Bella (as well as Bella's virtue).

This phase of the story, in Eclipse I mean, there is more revealing about this part of Edward and frankly I loved it and I loved that Hollywood showed it. It's frankly not a popular view in entertainment today at all. Part of the reason Anne enjoys that thought in her head of a man who COULD be wicked but wouldn't is because the level of resisting all you COULD do reveals the level of character and in some cases, love you have for others. It's the revelation of the level of self-sacrifice and unselfishness. Isn't that what all women want, a man who could completely give into his instincts but doesn't for the deeper character quality of virtue? It's a strength we identify as stronger than his physical capabilities.

Ironically Anne Shirley is an Edwardian character, as is Edward (thus probably, his name choice). I can't help but think that Anne would have had something for him had they ever met:) Still, I love Gilbert so my brain won't let me imagine too far into that one.

I realized too that I do have an Edward type husband. Not only is he handsome, he is so self-sacrificing. Yes, he has his struggles but his heart is pure gold to do what is best by me and my kids. He strives well for virtue and faithful love for me. Sometimes I feel like the undeserving Bella wondering why this man loves me so much. I guess that's normal. Oddly, my husband could not be mean if he wanted to so there is no correlation there, but on the level of character and selflessness, he is totally my Edward. And as I came home at 3am and snuggled next to him I wished he was awake enough for me to tell him that. I just listened to the fan and his breathing, and wished I'd not drank so much Diet Pepsi at the theater, thinking how blessed I am to have him. Unfortunately, when he took off for work early this morning the shoe was on the other foot and I have some vague dreamlike memory of him hovering over me and saying goodbye followed by some affirmative groan out of myself.

In conclusion, I loved the movie for many reasons. They followed the book well, they put in some great humor, and they are building the story to my satisfaction. Twilight is famous for is cheesiness (high levels in the first movie...my friend and I literally laugh out loud when Edward runs up the mountain side with his "spider monkey" and it seriously looks like his legs and dangling in mid air) and there are one or two in this one too but they are getting few and far between by now (whew!). I felt especially on the topic of virtue, virginity and marriage, with our culture today they could have really fuzzed over Edward's convictions on those points but instead they make it obvious. I'm still thrilled by that.

The fact too is that any man is capable of selfishness and "wickedness" and though the norm of today may be a myriad of those who just give into every whim of that, I like that we are reminded of the truly sexy man who reigns it all in for (in reality) God (referred more to as "virtue" and "the soul" in general in the story) and the woman and children he loves.

So, go smooch your wicked warrior today. I know I will ;)

Mawage Is Wat Bwings Us Tugetha Tuday

The perfect marriage is the perfect joke. It does not exist. The sooner one settles that the better. There are things I would love to get the opportunity to do different, better, or without. But if someone told you, that without those problems, you would not be the people you are together today, would you trade it? No, I wouldn't. Here is the beauty of God's work in a marriage. The rest of the world has to face the challenge (and it's there, in every couple) without the hope of beauty from ashes. We get to see God work for our benefit through our failings. Holding on to us long and steady, holding us together when perhaps our own emotional hands have let go and given up, we are carried to a new place. Each place has a vista, a vantage point, a room with a view. This place is a chance to look back and see the dark blend with the brilliant and become beautiful. It's inspiration to go on, but not only inspiration, it's expectant excitement. If he can do this, what more can he do?! The day to day humdrum threatens to overshadow the excitement but these vista's are important to remember the daily is only one part of the bigger picture. Left to ourselves, we would seek our own and be fatally disappointed with each other that the other is not seeking our own the way we would like. With Him we begin to understand the deeper joy of seeking the delight of sacrifice. Christ is like the Phoenix for the marriage, he makes it raise up and soar when you thought it was done forever. Do you believe in magic? The magic of infatuation seems pale in comparison to this magic. It brings to life again and again, through grace, the "had enough" human reaction. It pushes us beyond ourselves to find there is more beauty to be had. It shows us that our needs are met fully in Him so that we can only give to each other. We bring nothing to this table of marriage except our problems but he prepares a banquet for us through is Son, to partake and enjoy in purity and commitment. HE allows us to see that Love is not what we thought it was. It is not what comes naturally (and what does should not be called love, for love never dies) but supernaturally. It is the eyes that let us love as we have been loved, knowing full well we will never measure up but we are chosen for each other so our measurements are insufficient. When we fill we are not a fit, he reminds us that he says we are so there is a way through. On the other side, again, the vista, we look back and are overwhelmed.

So, all joking aside, marriage is what brings us together today as it did this day 13 years ago. Because marriage is a reflection of Christ and his church and what he holds will never be let go of. Emotions falter, sometimes even to the darkest of degrees, but Love is what we have been given to have for each other from a source outside of ourselves. I know that when we come to him, he is an endless source to carry on. How delighted I am to carry on with you! I look forward to the future, and I hope it's long, but either way I know it will be fulfilling. Imagine the vista way down the road. That is a treasure we share together that no one else on earth can see. It's between you, me and Him and I will never trade it for anything else.

Today is the day we celebrate the vista, the beautiful view, that is this journey thus far. Happy Anniversary to my deepest friend, my constant, and my journeyman.

Whatever Wednesdays: The Evolution of Marriage

In more than just a few days Rick and I will be celebrating 13 years of marriage. We started dating Nov. 7, 1995 and the first day I saw him was somewhere around Oct. 20th of that same year. It didn't take long even though I was really not wanting to be in a relationship at the time. Actually, the emotional and I believe, providential aspects of our meeting make those weeks between meeting and dating seem so long to me in my memory. I'm always shocked when I think back to the actual timeline because it was so short! Even after we started dating I freaked out (because honestly, he seemed too good to be true and any of you who have met Rick know that his friendliness is not the norm of today) and we backed off for two weeks. Then, he came home with me on that Thanksgiving to meet my family. It didn't help my resolve against him when my dad absolutely loved him, and my brother even more. My brother has cerebral palsy and Rick grew up with a disabled sister who has since gone to be with the Lord. My brother connected to Rick right away because Rick knew how to connect to him and made him feel like he really wanted to be his friend. I will never forget sitting in the swing hung up in the big oak tree behind my parents house, looking out at the vineyard and skyline across the street and just listening to him converse on whatever thinking in my mind "this is the man I'm going to marry". It was as if part of me was telling the other, more sceptical part of me, how it was gunna be. Well, that part was right and has sustained me still even when the sceptic in me debates.

I just broke all my own rules with Rick. Well, I should blame it on that optimistic side of me anyway! LOL! I had made two rules for myself prior to meeting Rick. I would not be the first to say "I love you", and when I did I wanted to say something more like "you are the one I want to learn to love". (No, in my relationship revolution, I did not resolve to not kiss until my wedding. May I just side tangent for a moment on this one?! I find it the most rediculious of concervative Christian practices. Every couple should have their first kiss as THEIR moment. If it's awkward, they don't care. There is no one looking on to see how perfect it is going to be. Plus, it's your first one! It should be yours alone. The first kisses I've seen at weddings, I've felt so bad for the couple and they are all EXTREMELY awkward. SO, NO, I won't be advising my children to this. If you want to wait, good, have a special date for the day before the wedding at least to have your moment. If you feel you need your parents right outside the door to confirm that was all you did ....fine. Please people! Anyway....sorry for that soapbox interlude.) It's true, I'd had some real growing experiences on how easy it was to fall in love and then have it not work out. I had come to realize the vulnerability of infatuation. I knew that the one I married would need to be a choice and that love would have to be learned more than anything. Still, my resolve went out the window. Not only did I tell him before he told me, I indeed stated "I love you". It was all good though. We were driving on a country road and just like the feeling I got on the swing a month or more before, I knew I could be content driving just about anywhere with this man and it overwhelmed me. So, in the quiet of the drive I made my declaration. I remember my stomach exploded in butterflies and I was a little mad at myself but he pulled the car over to make sure he could give me all his attention and told me he loved me too. I was days past turning 19, and he had just turned 25.

Yesterday I was at the grocery store grabbing a few things and there was an older couple ahead of me. The wife was bagging the groceries (ha, now you know where I shop) while the old gentleman stood at the atm machine waiting for the total. I started to clue in with some things he was saying, that his memory was fading and he was stepping on uncertain waters of Alzheimers perhaps. Jovial as could be though he waited patiently and then got a little concerned and asked the cashier "is that all still my stuff?". He seemed to have forgotten what he was buying and was worried he was paying for someone else's items. She gave him the total and he paid. A few seconds later as she is running the machine and waiting for the receipt he says "Do you have my card?". "No, sir, I just gave it to you", she replied. All this time the wife is not even looking up, she is bagging those groceries and leaving Mr.Jovial to fend for himself.

It was refreshing for me to see. Lately I've been at the store and noticed way to many very elderly couples lashing out at each other. Sometimes you can hear them before you can see them. "Well, I don't know, you tell me!?" I heard one day and was alerted to an old couple in the isles looking like they were going to kill each other over some trivial decision about pillows. Another time I came around the corner to hear an elderly wife just raking her old, most likely forgetful, husband for leaving his wallet at home. "You mean I came all the way out here!" Still another time I overheard a very domineering elderly husband grouching at his wife while shopping. Each time I remember thinking how miserable they seemed. Letting patterns of selfishness and sinful communication become part of their hardrives had taken over any grace for the failing years together. All I could think was that I didn't want to be that way.

With my health issues lately I have been more than ever blessed by my husbands love for me. He is no angel, (and he is not married to one) but he does all he can to love and care for me and be patient in uncertainty. It's made me realize that there are only more of those days to come in our future. Life becomes more and more about loving by choice and less and less about waiting to love when the mood hits ya. If adversity quenches love, love is doomed!

The couple at the grocery store, though I did not see them long, and I'm sure they gripe with each other at times, seemed to have learned how to flow. She did not nitpick at him, nor did she baby him or pay too much attention to his forgetful ways of handling things. She just did what she could and let him handle the rest whether he did it right or not. He didn't get grumpy with her with his little disorientations or ask her snippy demeaning questions, and he did not demand that she get up there and take care of things. There was a quiet acknowledgement of failing minds and bodies but a contentment to let it happen. More than that, there was a sense of knowing each other well and being okay with who they were.

My mom use to tell me the story of my great grandma cussing after her stroke. My mom told me not to use bad language for many reasons but one being that it will go into your default hardrive when you are older. My great grandma had a small habit of saying "shit" when things went wrong. Unfortunately for her though, after her stroke, her brain no longer controlled when she said it anymore. Mom says she would just blurt it out often and out of context. She told me then that we have to program edifying things in our minds for the reason of old age as well.

So, lately I've been thinking that that applies to an aging marriage as well. The patters you set will be the patterns you perform, even without thinking, later on in your old age. With my dad suddenly passing away at 54, I will consider myself blessed indeed to get to grow old with my husband. I've been reminded that this is not a guarantee. So many people today don't make it anywhere near the beauty of this evolving stage of marriage. They don't get to see the beauty of each stage as it comes with it's pain and beauty. They don't get to touch a depth that is there to be had with commitment. They base relationships on what will always, and without fail, fade away. Yet, even those of us who are committed should build strong blocks for our futures, Lord willing, together. Those little ticks that annoy us could be more overlooked with grace. Lately I've been literally stopping myself during these and telling myself "if he was no longer here, I would be missing this" or "this is an important aspect of HIS personality, it's not mine, it's his, and I shouldn't let it bug me". Many of these things are patterns I develop now in my response systems, reaction habits and more.

There are many unglamorous aspects about aging that will make it unavoidably unpleasant in many ways. Yet, what a great sadness to have on the heels of those unavoidables, the damage of bitterness and baggage. More than that, how lonely to travel that road alone or with one you don't really know. To have walked a journey together, evolving, changing, deepening, and growing in grace will be one of the greatest gifts we can give each other when everything else really stops working well. To be there for each other, the closest of friends, knowing each other so well and accepting each other even more, will be the magic of old age. It won't come on it's own though. In fact, I think, like a garden neglected, it will indeed digress on it's own and neither of us will have the mental or physical strength to clean it out by then. The work for such beauty starts now, keeping it simple but keeping it lovely. All washed over in grace, undeserved, but received from Christ and not kept, but poured out on the one we love.