California Forests Come But Once A Year!

I loved this picture from Avila Valley Barn (the fella in the back is my friends son). We went with my friend on Saturday. The kids had so much fun running around the trees. I had to warn them to be careful not to run into people who were walking around to shop for one. My friend said that when she was little her parents would take her to tree places to run around in the "forest". That is exactly what they were doing. Such California kids! Later we got our tree from another place once Rick was off work (much better price, a 7 footer for $21!) and they got to run through the "forest" again. I would never have thought to make that an outing but it sure seems like it could be one. I'm sure my husband's family feel sorry for us with our fake forest, but then, it has to be in the same category as having to own a sun lamp in the great northwest!:)

Singing Elves (Mommy's Favorite)

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Beyond Counting Blessings

I'm just as tickled as the next person to read and ponder what people are thankful for. We should practice this every day of the year for certain. Yet, somehow, something deeper has been on my heart this year. I don't know if it's a warning, a precaution, or just a deeper level of being thankful that I'm about to learn.
We, as Americans really do need to gain some perspective. We are all struggling in this economy but the reason we struggle is because of our scale of measurement. The way we define "struggle" would shock a large percentage of the world.

"...research indicates that assets of just $2,200 per adult place a household in the top half of the world's wealthiest. To be among the richest 10% of adults in the world, just $61,000 in assets is needed. If you have more than $500,000, you're part of the richest 1%, the United Nations study says. Indeed, 37 million people now belong in that category.

Half live on less than $2 a day

Sure, you can now be proud that you're rich. But take a moment to think about it, and you'll probably come to realize that the meaning behind these numbers is harrowing. For if it takes just a couple of thousand dollars to qualify as rich in this world, imagine what it means to be poor.

Half the world, nearly 3 billion people, live on less than $2 a day. The three richest people in the world –- Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates, investor Warren Buffett and Mexican telecom mogul Carlos Slim Helú -- have more money than the poorest 48 nations combined " (gathered from this article)

First of all, doesn't that last bit make you feel like those men should share more!? Just a side note.

Seriously though, we only feel we struggle because we are so pampered. Try these mental punches to your perspective:
1. If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep, you are richer than seventy five percent of the people in the world.
2. If you can attend a church or synagogue meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.
3. If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation, you are more blessed than five hundred million people in the world.
4. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet and spare change in a dish, you are among the top eight percent of the world's wealthy.
5. If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.
These are VERY sobering, don't you think?
YET! My mind has been pondering something new this year.....
WHAT WHEN ALL YOU ARE THANKFUL FOR IS STRIPPED AWAY? What will you be thankful for then?

Sometimes we surround ourselves this time of year with reminders to ourselves and our children for the things we should for sure be thankful for. In doing that we sometimes mindlessly define our thankfulness by the many blessings we have. Perhaps even the poorest person on the planet could still do this, and should, in that they are alive and can be thankful for that. So what heart response happens when you read this?:
"Though he slay me, yet I will praise him." Job 13:15

Where are we then when all we say this year we are thankful for is taken out from under our feet. Where will we turn? To what hope will we look. What when the reasons for our thanks become no more? What foundation will our hearts rest upon? Will we then despair and say that we have no reason to be thankful anymore?
There is one thing that even when our very breath is taken from us, we can still be filled with thanks.
GOD IS GOOD

He is defined by complete and untainted goodness. Every pain and loss, every despair and deep anguish will be perfected in his healing hands. I just really want to wrap my head around that this year. What if one day I wake up and all around me, my husband, my sweet children, the walls that protect and warm me, the friends who bless me, the food that feeds me....what if it was all taken away? Would my heart find thanks and praise in that place?

Thanks is a funny thing. The more you have taken away, the more you appreciate what you have. I'm sure many of us are feeling that this year. What is left becomes more precious to us. Should we be reduced to walls and food and each other, just think of how we would cherish more just those things. When even that is gone and the world should turn completely dark for us, in the quiet of human nothingness there is for the repented heart a haven of God's goodness. Nothing can take that away we say right? Ah, but there are things that take it away. There are things that make us forget. When all is gone we are blessed to find it's fullness, but when we have even a few good things they can overshadow God's goodness. The THINGS themselves that we give thanks for become why we feel God is good. For that we should repent. I should repent. God is not good because I have been blessed, I am blessed because God is good. Therefore, my blessing continues till I see him face to face.
So, I do want to get some perspective on how really pampered I am. I DO want to be thankful for so much. I also however want to caution my heart not to put stock into those things for the base definition of who I am and what where my richness lies.

Can I give you something in ending this? Copy this verse and keep it close this Thanksgiving. Put it up somewhere if you like, or even put it on the table. It will make your heart swell more than any earthly thing you find to be thankful for:

"In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials,
so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;
and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory,
obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls" 1 Peter:6-9

Be thankful for God's goodness, unshakable and unmeasurable.

Banana Walnut Muffin Perfection

Do your bananas talk to you? Mine do. They start by speaking softly and letting me know they are not prime enough for the kids lunchboxes unless I want them to come home uneaten and oozing from their skins after being rejected on site by my children. Then they start to say "time for some baking!". Eventually if my days are busy they end up yelling at me about how I should be more convicted not to waste and let them go beyond use entirely. Finally, I give in and usually that last moment of sparing them for some noble use, they are at peek baking perfection.
Time for quick bread or muffins, but bread gets boring after a while and is not as portable for lunches or snacks. Still, my muffin history has not been a good one.

I love muffins but I don't like the way many recipes come out. Some are too wet and so the tops run, and some are too dry so they don't rise but become little bricks my kids won't eat. I tried this recipe and loved the way they came out. It was thick enough to allow for bigger muffins but not too thick to be dry.

I don't have whole wheat flour right now so I'm still needing to try it out with that but the white flour came out great.

Banana-Nut Bread (or Muffins)

• 1-1/4c. sugar
• 1/4 c. oil
• 1/2 c. butter
• 2 eggs
• 1-1/2 c. bananas, mashed (very over ripe is best)
• 2 c. all-purpose flour
• 1/2 t. salt
• 1 t. baking soda
• 1/2 c. chopped walnuts or pecans (I used walnuts and chopped them pretty fine in my chopper)
• 1 t. vanilla extract
  

Blend sugar, oil and butter together; mix in eggs and bananas. Set aside. Combine four, salt and baking soda; add to wet mixture. Stir in nuts and vanilla; pour into greased and floured loaf pan (9"x 5") or into muffin cups (for big muffins fill 3/4 full). Bake at 350 for 30-40 minutes or until knife comes clean.

Thankful Thursday On Saturday

I was spending Thursday resting with Rick as he was recovering from a head cold and I was trying to rest a bit for being out all night at the movies. So, I'm going to catch up now.

• I'm thankful we were able to get our car home from it's breakdown point on the freeway. We were both worried we would have to have it towed but Rick got it back by the skin of his teeth and me following right behind to make sure it was okay. I'm so thankful he was okay as it's coolant system is shot and the problem was overheating. I prayed him home for sure. We are on one vehicle but every time that happens to us it makes me so thankful we live so close to school and my little job. God is good.


• I'm thankful my brother was able to come home for Thanksgiving. It was not going to be that way for a long time because my mom could not afford to bring him home for both holidays. (My brother lives on a Christian ranch for disabled adults) She was able to get a great deal and he had been so sad not to be home for Thanksgiving. I'm so glad it worked out.


• I'm thankful again for my little job and the sweet lady I work for. She has been so nice to give me some extra hours so we can have some sort of Christmas this year. I don't think we have ever had such a tight year and my being able to do some extra work that does not take away from my work at home or family time has been a gift straight from God's hand. I am SO VERY thankful.


• Oddly, I'm thankful it is such a tight year. It's making me think harder and get even more creative. I've really been focused in a non-material way this year and am learning some real restraint. I have shopped for NOTHING yet. We probably won't be able to shop until the beginning of December and we will have to be so careful. It's so good for me and I think this Christmas will be the best ever because the sights, sounds and family love will be the greatest gifts. I'm really having a special joy about each little cheap idea I get and that's a blessing.


• I'm continually thankful for the best friend I have in Rick. The past year has been a tough year when it comes to friends for me for many reasons. I'm in that stage of life where my kids are getting a little older and I want to start doing girly things but I have very few spontaneous friends. Rick and I are both spontaneous and though it's hard for us to get out much, I so appreciate that part of him and look forward to the fun we will have more and more. We just love so much in life and getting out and doing stuff. I look forward to doing that more and more with the kids too as we are able. I have wished that I was able to find more girlfriends that way who you could just call up and say "let's go..." and they say "alright! sounds great!". I live up in the middle of nowhere and far away from most of my friends anyway. My best friend here is like a sister to me but she just had baby #5 and I'm just not in that chapter of my life anymore. I guess I'm just so glad Rick totally gets this part of who I am. He totally understands and is so truly anxious that I get the chance to get out. He seems to understand where my head is at this stage of life and he appreciates that I'm there. On our level as husband and wife it's great. As I am restless about friends, he is understanding and becomes so precious to me because as my very best friend, he is the best spontaneous soul I know. Bless you babe.


• I'm so thankful for my maturing daughter. It's scary but exciting to see her growing up both physically and emotionally. I am so proud of her and love that when we sit down and talk about God's perspective on things in her life, she really gets it. Growing up is NOT easy and I know I did not get some things spiritually at nearly 12 that she already gets now. I really look forward to the next few years with her. I know there will be very hard obstacles yet to come but the light at the end of each of those tunnels really brings me joy. She is such a sweet and interesting child. All my kids are interesting. I love that about them.

This week will be a great week to reflect on all those things to be thankful for. We will always be able to find problems in life but we can usually find more things to be thankful for to out shadow them. That's a great gift from God.

My New Moon Review (No Spoilers)

Yes, I stood outside for two and a half hours to see Twilight and New Moon both last night. I did not waste a penny and that is saying something because I'm someone who HATES wasting money at the movies. I was not sure it would be a big thing to see Twilight on the big screen since I had seen it so many times at home. I was so wrong. It was like I had never seen it before. Many people criticized Rob Pattinson's acting in Twilight but when you see it on the big screen you really notice every facial expression and he did an amazing job. Kristen was nothing to scream about but then I have a hard time with the Bella character herself till near the end of the series when she stops wining about everything, and I certainly don't enjoy Kristen's acting. Still, it was so much fun to see it. The baseball scene was great but went to fast!

Now, on to New Moon.

What I loved:

(I will not get into the story so that I don't ruin it for anyone who has not seen it.)

• Yeah to Summit for following the book so closely, even with direct lines that were great in the book.


• Taylor (Jacob)'s acting was so emotionally sound and he allowed us to really get absorbed into the perspective of his character. I was tickled to noticed the poor kid has not fully left puberty as his voice still crackles a bit. That was funny but not annoying. It actually added to it since Jacob is so much a man and yet still a boy in many ways still. The book creates such a long and drawn out pull on your heart strings for Jacob and though the movie did not have the luxury of time they did an excellent job of getting you to make that connection right away and have you feeling so darn bad for Jacob. Those of us who have read the book know that will carry on into Eclipse and I think Taylor has laid some great groundwork for his coming acting. Amazing.


• The wolves were my favorite part of the movie. When I saw the preview I was disappointed that they were not as big as they were in my imagination but on the big screen that all changed. They were overwhelming in sight and sound. Great job.


• Edward is not in the movie much but when he is you feel a maturity in Rob's acting as well as a maturity in the expression of deep love he feels for Bella. You felt his desperation entirely.


• The coloring of the film had a powerful effect. Many of you know Twilight was blue filtered and New Moon was yellow filtered. Their eyes were freakishly more noticeable and made for more intensity in New Moon with every expression. It also mad such a distinction to the Volturi eyes and set the Cullens apart as the different Vampire family they are.


• Kristen's acting got better as the movie went along. This was relief to see as I've been so frustrated with her acting before. Knowing where the Bella character goes in the story, one would hope she could fine tune her acting skills to be able to pull off where she is headed.


• It's cleaner! Twilight bothered me with it's pushing the decency line with Bella on her bed in t-shirt and undies inviting her love to make out with her. Thankfully Edward is all about restraint but it still was more than the book's intensity sexually. New Moon stays more true to the story and we see an appropriate amount of passionate kissing that is very loving and not stepping into sexually explosive.

What I did not like

• I'm sorry but the scene where Bella holds up her finger with the paper cut (which cannot be a spoiler for any who have seen the preview) has bothered me from the beginning. I feel it's VERY bad directing. When an adult gets a paper cut they probably will take their hurt hand into their good hand and look down at it. A toddler would hold it up for all to see and announce it. BEYOND THAT...HELLO! ...how about the fact that you know you are in a room with VAMPIRES! Any smart person would probably try to hide it or pop it in their mouth right away to block the smell. Jasper did not need this dramatic gesture, his senses are heightened enough without it and in the book you don't picture it that way at all. Besides that, the scene was good.


• The movie has to move so fast from one part to another. It does not flow as well as Twilight but Twilight had it's other problems. New Moon as a book is very long and drawn out and although it was fun to see things resolve faster on the screen, there were times I wished it would slow down so I could feel the pull I did in the book. If you had not read the book, I'm not sure you would be able to make the correlations as to what was happening next.


• The music was good but not as good and well placed as Twilight. Twilight got an A+ on score and soundtrack.


• The vision of Alice (I say no more for the sake of some) was ridiculous. I expected a Unicorn to ride in the scene. Please. Gag me. They better be cooking up something much better than that by the time we get to Bella in Breaking Dawn or I'll jump off the wagon entirely.


• Kristen's acting....what can I say? It got better but I would love to see some more emotional reaction out of this girl. Did we see a single tear go down her face? I don't remember one. Bella in the book is sobbing often and heart broken. Kristen acts like her throat is full of cotton when she gets sad but we don't see a normal female love struck reaction to heartbreak. She growls and screams in her dreams but she never weeps. Show me some weeping woman!

In between:

• THE ENDING! Oh, my word. The only part in the movie that played against the rules of the book. BUT! It was not bad. It was astounding. The whole theater had the same reaction "AHHH!"

I'll tell you no more ....go see for yourself.

If Summit follows their pattern of improvement we will be looking for one amazing Breaking Dawn! What a ride!

If you have not read my blog on the Twilight Saga itself as it relates to Christians please click home and scroll down past this post to the next.

My Twilight Soap Box

I've contemplated this blog post forever. I've shied away from it for forever too. I finally decided to stop since Twilight is on my brain this week, and I feel it's time to get this off my chest.....

I'M A HUGE FAN!

I've been frustrated by the presupposed judgements made on the Twilight books as well as the premise that Vampire books are ungodly. I've read reviews by some who have read the Internet synopsis and based their assumptions on that alone, and I've read some who have based their thoughts on the first book alone. One went so far as to say that we should not read Twilight because we should only focus on the love story between Christ and ourselves (this person will have to highly limit their reading and movie choices as well as rip out the Song of Songs from their Bible I'm afraid) as it is the only real love story in our lives. Oooooo, this will be like tip -toeing on glass to get through, and I'm not even sure exactly what my reasoning is way back there in my head, but I'll just hope what is there will somehow make it's way out well. There are also many aspects to this discussion that I don't know how on earth to hit them all. I'm really just going to give what's on the top of my head.

First, let's just talk about the writing and who it's geared for. It is very important to state, and I firmly concur, that Stephanie Meyer DID NOT INTEND for this to be teen literature. The books gain adult momentum as you reach the third one, and some may feel their teens can handle the subject matter as it is presented inside the context of marriage, but let it just be said here that they were not written for teens. The easy style of reading was what got them categorized as such. The writing style is good, but not complicated or challenging in the literary sense. I have to say, for me as a busy mom, that was one of the things I liked about it.

Second, let's just get into the issue of Vampires shall we? I myself have never been interested in this genre of literature. I'm your typical Bronte/Austen girl all the way. I don't enjoy any kind of horror stories except some good Edgar Alan Poe. Even some of his work creeps me out. I don't think there is anything wrong with Vampire stories however, just as I don't have a problem with Alien stories, or Big Foot, though I'm also not into them. Further still however is the fact that Twilight is not even a typical Vampire story. Yes, there are Vampires in it, but never before have we seen such a take on them. These Vampires don't want to be evil and they recognize killing humans as evil, so they do the only thing they can and feed on animal blood. Let it be said too that this element of the books is only mentioned in fact as one might say "I went out for dinner" and never described in detail or played out dramatically. You cannot even get a gross-me-out from them being "Vegetarians", as they call it. Meyer has created the new, noble Vampire, so to speak, that quite frankly may bore and even frustrate die hard Vampire literature fans! More on Vampires in a little while.

Thirdly, one of the criticisms of Twilight seems to be the frowning upon such an intense romance and romantic character. Some have said that Bella idolizes Edward and would go against anything to have him and be with him. Well, I hate to remind people that that is one element that makes a great story-intensity. Dare I remind anyone of the traditional Romeo and Juliet plot? Do parents of High Schoolers debate whether to have their kids read this play in fear that they may hide a romance, or worse yet, commit suicide because of it? I don't understand then why they would think that an intelligent young woman would deduce that losing all reason or the approval of her parents in a relationship of her choice would be okay because Bella did it! I would hope we could pour more into our kids than to bear concerns like that at ever turn of their fiction absorption. If they did, I would say they were not at the proper maturity level for the reading. Furthermore, I have to say, there are many similarities throughout the story of other traditional novels as Meyer will say herself. You will even find trace reflections of , now wait for it....Austen. Meyer herself was read classic novels by her father growing up and was exposed to them before being exposed to some popular children's works, but I digress.

Intensity of passion and love without sense and rationality are common literary themes. It is true that Twilight shows this in a light never before seen but if we take another look, we will find that it's just a storyline with different clothes on. That is not to say that it is not original, it absolutely is, but the story of love itself and the intensity we experience with it is not. Add to that the supernatural element of supernatural characters and you are concocting a recipe for one supernatural love story. That's all it is though, something unreachable, unattainable, and therefore A REALLY GREAT STORY because it stretches our imaginations. Many times we have heard: "Boy meets girl, they fell in love, got married, bought a house with a white picket fence, had ten children and lived happily ever after" and though it has it's sweet simplicity, it's nothing new for the mental pallet.

Good love story literature always involves passion with a problem. Elizabeth had to get over her pride to learn who Mr. Darcy really was and discover his love for her. Jane had to wait and work out the moral dilemma that Mr. Rodchester had an insane living wife. Juliet fought against the prejudice of her family against the man she loved. Here the problem, though I make it trite, is that he loves her and wants to eat her all at the same time! Stephanie has kicked it up a notch by adding supernatural elements as well in the appeal Edward has physically in his perfect form and, oh dear...dare I mention, sparkle. His battle against killing her is not as realistic to be sure, but it's still a fictitious problem keeping them from their love for one another.

I think what this really comes down to on point number three is this: Many authors write about love in the human world, the reality we know. Many write about it in the supernatural world or the fairy tale world (technically still supernatural) but Stephanie Meyer has done something that some of us are not willing to accept quite yet. She has brought the two worlds together. THAT is why it is unsettling to some,; it's real enough and yet not real enough. I can see why some are not comfortable with their realist toes being stepped on. Here is where I can only lead into what I shall make my final point.

WE HAVE TO GIVE FICTION IT'S PLACE. Frankly, I think this is one of the biggest problems with human psyche. I get so frustrated with Christians especially who are intimidated and appalled by supernatural literature be it Fairies or Vampires. I ask myself...what are you intimidated by? THEY DON'T EXIST. They act as if they were real living characters capable and certainly taking on good and evil characteristics and therefore try to see them through gospel judgements. YOU CAN'T JUDGE THEM WITH THEOLOGY BECAUSE THEY DON'T REALLY EXIST. You cannot say that Vampires are evil, because Vampires don't exist. They are evil in stories (until now...ha,ha,ha!) but they are not evil in reality because they do not exist in reality. I cannot scream this enough. These characters were created by fiction and have traditionally taken on evil characteristics, so therefore we commonly say "Vampires are evil" or "Werewolves are evil". We say this because fiction has defined them as such. Fiction defines it's own characters, and it has the freedom to REDEFINE them by way of the imagination of anyone at anytime in literary history. This is how you can have a good witch or a friendly ghost or ...a noble Vampire. Fiction has the freedom to say that there are good wizards and bad wizards, but in reality if someone is a practicing magic and calling themselves a witch or wizard, they are, according to scripture, evil. This is why we can love Tolkien's stories and not feel ashamed for loving Gandalf. If we put Gandal in reality (which frankly would just ruin my day entirely), we would have to sit down with him and have a good theology and repentance session. Yet, why do we not criticize him in our affections? Well, it has to be because fiction is the one place we can explore our imagination outside the bounds of reality. YET! We still admire or abhor some reflected qualities we see in fiction as they parallel our convictions in reality. This is where I say this post could go on, and on, and on. This is subject matter for a book, and one in which I am completely inadequate to write. Fiction has shadows of truth but does not play by the rules of truth. It is not required to line up notch by notch with what is theologically or rationally true. If it did, guess what, it would cease to be fiction. Christians need to stop trying to glean theology from fiction (or find their theology threatened by it) ,and un-believers need to get the Word of God off their mental fiction shelf! Both would be highly profitable. I personally have an intense passion for people recognizing the life-impacting difference between fiction and fact. To the point that we tell our children from the get-go that Santa is not real, he is fiction and that in reality he was a man who lived a long time ago and died a natural human death. I decided 12 years ago that anything I told my children about the world they knew would be the truth so they would NEVER, EVER slip on the slippery slope of doubting the Words of God or putting any of his biblical revelation on the fiction shelf of their minds. At the same time, I strongly defend the rights and privileges of fiction and what the imagination can explore there through it.

I said that was my final point but I feel there is one more much more awkward point to end with. If reading this saga, or any other romance story, caused one to lust and live in a fictitious world of fantasy about the opposite sex, then I would not read it. I would not recommend that my 11 year old daughter read Song of Songs at this stage of her maturity. I also won't let her read the last two books of Twilight. I do think it's funny though that Christians are so uncomfortable with the romantic marital content in the books , but there is far more marital sexuality in the bible itself. Where are the people lining up to cheer that Twilight actually presents two virgins getting married? When in our day and age do you see that anymore? Yes, there is the intensity of fighting with that desire and holding it off until marriage. We even have a male character taking the lead in the relationship to keep it that way! Shocking for our times. There is nothing more alluring about Edward than there is about Mr. Darcy or Mr. Rochester or any other manly figure of romantic interest in renowned literature. The supernatural element only makes him more appealing but so is Batman and Superman, and many other well known yet less criticized male sex symbols. Edward has the appeal that is not new to the female imagination. He is strong, protective and mysterious, but he is not the first. You could get way too wrapped up with any of them. If that is a weakness, I think it's good to be honest about it and stay away from things that feed your lust. I personally, though I admire Edward's manly qualities and do identify them as attractive, do not spend my reality moments pondering and wishing he existed and would walk into my room at night. If you do, then I'd suggest backing off. Mr. Rochester in Jane Eyre was my first adult male crush and I'm sure I thought about him a lot after reading the book when I was 15. Young girls are more apt to do this fantasizing in their growing-up years as they dream of the man they will someday love. I think parents should be really careful to only allow what their maturity can handle and not overfeed the already natural flow of their romantic imaginations. It all comes back to balance and knowing what escapes are a weakness for you. Escape itself is not a sinful thing. We escape in many ways. Men go fishing, women quilt or scrapbook. We watch movies and "veg-out" now and then; we even spend money on vacations, hobbies, and get-aways. We read fairy stories to our children and tales of lands and peoples that don't exist. We are not misguided to enjoy these escapes unless they cross over into influencing our function in reality or our perception of reality. The world is a tough place many times and I think our imagination and interests are a gift from God to have respite now and then. Enjoying them all the time or letting them cripple us in anyway practically or spiritually would be a problem. Essentially, if you stay in escape mode you become either an addict or obsessed. We have to take it back to the age old problem of what the Enemy tries to do, take something good and make it bad. That's why anything can be overdone just as it can be underdone and what is over and what is under is different for each of us according to our strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes reading a good love story or listening to a great love song can benefit your marriage because it reawakens that part of yourself that mundane life smothers out. You remember that you felt that passion for the one you love in your twitterpated years and should take a few sweet and strident passages back to that place now and then.

So, that is my Twilight soap box.

"Are You A Cool Mom?"

That's what a fourteen year old girl asked me yesterday and boy has it set me thinking.

When our children are little, they don't care if we are cool, we are the world to them. We are the mender of scrapes and aches, the soother of fevers, and the console of emotions. We are superior to cool. Then your child turns 11, or 12, or 13 and all of a sudden you have to earn your coolness to them. Or at least that is what THEY think. I've thought it out and realized this peer pressure from my own child aught to be put int the category it belongs...immaturity.

Dare I say that in homeschooling, you also can mostly avoid this challenging transition. You control their environment, their exposure to friends, EVERYTHING. But when your kids are in school they go through this phase where they are enchanted by what other people get to do and YOU become the ball and chain. It's CHALLENGING! But you know what! It's real life! Some may face it now, some later on, but definitely the coming Jr. High years are about to be my most challenging ever. If we don't go through it, I'm certain that it will show up in retarded timing later on in their lives. So, I guess I just have to strap my big girl boots on and walk on.

A mom of three nearly grown girls told me once that looking back she wished she had not tried to be her girls friend as much as their mom. I took that to heart and it's helping me here. That is my right, given by God toward them. I'm serious here! Do you think that I will go through the pain of birthing you (of which you will only know later on in life), the JOY of wiping your slimy bottom for a few years only to transition to cleaning up your pee mess on the floor now and then, the glorious job of patiently teaching you you are NOT the center of your own universe, the delight of loving you at every turn whether you deserved it or not, to be turned down at 11 because I have not EARNED you coolness standard? Uhhhh, I DON'T THINK SO!

So I've been sorting out in my head this anomaly of "coolness". What does it really mean to "be cool". Does it not at this age really mean I will let you do what ever you want, when you want, and on top of that like a little cherry on a sundae, I'll let you do whatever your friends want to do as well. Wow, it seems to me I've just defined one thing:

A REALLY BAD MOM!

When this gal asked me this last night, Victoria answered for me with a gesture of her thumb not up or down but in the middle and made a "ehhhhh" sound. In other words, I wasn't really. I have to admit, it hurt my feelings at first. So much so that I went home to sulk about it. Yes, I felt really immature when I did but you wait till YOU get there (unless you avoid this stage alltogether) and then talk to me about the way I felt! :) Then the Lord allowed something to happen to get me back on track and realize what my daughter really needed....GUIDANCE.

There is a boy in Victoria's class who has been on my heart since we put them into public school. He comes from a poor home with parents that are somewhat anarchist. They are also racists and being at a school full of Hispanics, that is not a great thing. His older brother is in the "community school" with it's own little two modular campus gated in at the back corner of the school property. He has been in so much trouble for being in fights with Hispanics. Louis however, the one in Victoria's class, is still a great kid. He has been effected by the things he is taught at home but he does not act out at anyone yet like his older brother. The kids have ostracized him and say he stinks or is dirty. Truthfully, he is a very loving kid, and trying hard to do well in school despite his lack of support at home from parents that don't agree with the requirement of the government that your kid be schooled at all.

I stood the other morning with the 6th grade class waiting for Victoria's teacher to get to the classroom to let them in. The kids line up in two lines but I noticed that one line was very long and one very short. I asked the kids why that was and they said (right where he could hear mind you) that it was because no one wanted to stand next to Louis. That crushed me. Children can be SO awful! I did not keep my tongue. I told them "well, that is just ridiculous!" and I went to stand by him and gave him a little side hug. He was very quiet. The whole class was watching me and hearing what I said and I wanted them to. I know he goes through this all the time. I happened to look up at my daughter who was smiling proudly at me. I knew she had felt bad for Louis for a long time and tries to be the one to be nice to him when she gets the opportunity. Her heart is convicted that the way he is treated is wrong.

But oh, the price we will pay for coolness......

This same 14 year old mentioned above was writing a note back and forth to Victoria last night that I happened to get my hands on though my daughter does not know it yet. She mentioned something she had to do this weekend that she did not like to which my daughters response was:

"Well, at least you don't have to sit by Louis (last name)"

The gal went on to respond that he was ugly, and his brother was a racist and all he had gotten in trouble for.

I was furious.

I would have pulled my daughter out of her cozy bed of reading last night when I finally discovered this and had a good talking to but she had fallen asleep. I discussed it with my husband and had time instead to process all this and I'm so thankful for that. God's good to slow me down.

My daughter looks up to this 14 year old and she knew she had a one way ticket to "coolness" by saying this derogatory statement about Louis. She took it. She cashed it in, and it worked. I KNOW this is not what she really thinks about Louis or how to treat him, but she was willing to trade in her character for cool.

And THAT is what it really comes down to isn't it!? Trading our character in for "cool". Is it worth the price we pay? Never.

So, you can imagine, my husband and I have a very teachable moment to grasp with our daughter this evening but I came here to share what it taught me.

"Coolness" is a versatile thing. It is defined by the one who defines it. There is no set in stone definition of cool. There is what one person thinks is cool, what one group, what one society, what one decade thinks. It forever changes. We have to be careful how we define it and the fact is, it will look a little different to all of us but there is one certainty....

God defines what's cool with Him, and what's not. That is the one thing that does not change.

This lesson is just rich with layers of life lessons for my child. She may never hear the end of it:)

For me, I had to remember whether I was defining "cool mom" from the perspective of an 11 or 14 year old, or from God's perspective. A really bad mom is not cool, but kids this age don't have the maturity to see that so we have to check ourselves by a different definition and realize the depravity of theirs. I was grateful for this reality check as to how fickle my immature child and this gal really are still. They need to be guided, they need to be guarded, and they need to be told "no" often. They need to be held back, away and from so many things and that is not going to look "cool" to them.

I do believe that what they need to see is a mom that when their maturity catches up with them, they will look back and see clearly. Being a mom they would think "cool" now, would later look flippant, unconcerned, and week to them later on.

My conclusion? If my child ALWAYS thought I was cool, I'd be in trouble. If she NEVER thought I was cool, that would be sad (because some of their definitions of "cool" are valid). My daughter gave me an in-the-middle "ehhh", and I realized that's exactly where I should be!

SO, that's cool with me.

*NOTE*

A dear friend of mine who homeschools has enlightened me. She was not able to get comments to work but wanted to say that she had the same problem at this age with her kids and their social homeschool group. Also, that there were social problems of unkindness there as well.

I thought that was important to add here. So, the desire for coolness must transcend schooling options. :)

I have since fixed the controls on the comment so that anyone can comment even without a google account. FYI

Blog Remodeling

I've decided to merge the three blogs into one. In doing so, I've brought in just a few posts from the other sites that you may have seen before. I was amazed, there really was not that much on any of them. I think running three made me shy away from all!:) So, here is the one place to find us now.
This template is much more conducive to what I've always wanted to do with it's navigation bar and everything but it's been tricky to learn how to fill.
A new blog title was a must as "Our Family" was just not inclusive enough.
One of my favorite verses and one my dad quoted a lot to me was in the book of Esther when Mordecai reminds Esther that she has been called exactly where she is for such a time as this. That perspective has always been powerful to me. So, it seemed like a great blog title. Besides, here is where I record time, from our end anyway, and every thing we do both big and small is all from the calling God has for us and in that, we are always fulfilling exactly what we should for such a time.

Quinoa Pilaf or Stuffed Peppers

This originated as a red pepper stuffing but I liked it enough on it's own.

Here is what you will need:

2 cups dry Quinoa (sold at TJ's and health food co-op)

1 carton chicken broth (4 cups)

1 large onion (I had some small ones given to me) chopped fine

1 Carrot chopped

3-4 celery stalks chopped

1 tsp. italian herbs

1/2 tsp garlic powder

salt and pepper to taste

1/2 cup almond slivers or slices (forgot to put in picture!)

Method:

1. Rinse Quinoa. This is vital to getting off the bitter producing powder layer on the grain.

A strainer works better because the grain is so small it will fall through a colander.

2. Saute chopped veggies in olive oil till slightly tender. Season with garlic and salt and pepper and herbs.

3. Add chicken broth and rinsed Quinoa. Bring to boil and reduce to simmer. Simmer on low for about 15 minutes (covered) or until liquid is absorbed. Fluff with fork like couscous or rice.

4. Add almond slivers and toss to warm. Serve.

This makes a double batch but it's great as a cold lunch also so I make lots at a time.

Click the link to find out more about Quinoa. It's a complete protein grain and low on the glycemic index as well.

Variation: To make into stuffed peppers just fold in 1/3 or more feta cheese (or a shredded milder cheese if you like) and stuff in a sweet pepper. I used red because they are sweeter. Bake at 350 for 25 minutes or until peppers soften. I learned it's better to put them in a deep dish baker and cover with foil or the stuffing gets a little too crispy on top.

Summer Squash Strata

(Recipe taken from the Facebook group "Cooking With All Things Trader Joe's")

The recipe is very flexible. The base is a bread layer, typically a French or Italian Loaf, a brioche, or Challah. Even a few slices of wheat, multigrain, or white bread will do. . Play around with the other ingredients as well. Substitute mushrooms and spinach or broccoli florets for the vegetables, use swiss or Parmesan instead of goat cheese, or add slices of your favorite sausage.

Summer Squash Strata

3 medium zucchini or yellow crookneck squash (I used both), sliced into thin disks
1 Challah loaf (1 lb) cut 1-inch cubes or torn into small chunks
8 oz log of Chevre fresh goat cheese, broken into small chunks (or use TJ's Crumbled Goat Cheese)
2 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil, divided
1 medium yellow onion, cut in half and sliced thinly
1/3 cup Julienned Sundried Tomatoes
2 cups whole milk
6 large eggs
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp ground black pepper
1/2 cup chopped fresh basil

1.) Spread the bread cubes in an oiled 9x13-inch baking dish. Scatter half the goat cheese over the bread.
2.) In a skillet over medium heat, saute the onion in 1 Tbsp oil until soft, about 4-5 minutes.
3.) Add the squash and drizzle with 1 Tbsp oil, sauteing for an additional minute.
4.) Spread vegetables on the bread layer, scattering sundried tomatoes and the remaining goat cheese over the top.
5.) Whisk together the milk, eggs, salt, and pepper. Pour this mixture evenly over the top of the ingredients in the baking dish. Press down gently just a little, allowing the bread to soak up the mixture.
6.) Let the dish sit 10 minutes while you preheat oven to 350 degrees.
7.) Bake uncovered for 40-45 minutes. You will know when it's done because it will puff up quite a bit. Remove and let rest for 5-10 minutes (it will deflate back down). Sprinkle with fresh basil and serve.

My (veggie mama's) alkaline adjustments:

soy milk instead of whole

use sprouted wheat bread instead of italian or french

Serve with large spinach salad

Serves 8

Note: I will be using Feta instead of Goat Cheese for cost. Goat cheese is actually a lower acid cheese though and would be a smart choice. Feta is better also and cheaper.

Sunday Afternoon Pasta

You have to think of pasta like pizza. Pick your toppings so to speak. I love the versatility of pasta for that. Today we came home from church and it was sooooo hot. Boiling something for 15 minutes was the extent of the kitchen heat I wanted to generate and the results were wonderful.
Sunday Afternoon Pasta
1 pkg WW Penne pasta cooked
3/4 jar Trader Joe's Juliane Sun dried tomatoes (let the oil fall in with them)
4oz Trader Joe's Columbus Dry Salami cut in slivers
1 Trader Joe's Can of Artichokes, sliced
1/2 pkg Trader Joe's Basil (layer the leaves, roll them up and then slice thin strips)
1/2 cup (yes happened to be TJ's!) Parmesan cheese grated or shredded
1/2 cup Kamalata Olives
Salt and Pepper to taste
Garlic Powder to taste
1 tsp Trader Joe's Pasta Seasoning Mix (or a good Italian herb blend)

Place all additions in a large bowl and throw strained hot past on top. Toss to coat and sprinkle with the Parmesan.
Yum.

Got Chorizo?

Feels good to be back on this blog, it's been a while! Life has been full since school began.

This week I made two dishes with Mexican Chorizo. I've used it before and always love the depth of flavor it gives a dish but this week I went on inspiration alone. No googling for the recipe, just what I thought would work and it was yummy.

Mexican Chili (Large Family size)

5 Cups Dry Pinto Beans Cooked (with broth)

2 lbs. Beef Chorizo (Food For Less Beef Version made there but you could use prepackaged I suppose)

2 Cans Stewed Tomatoes w/ Chilies

1/2 bag frozen Trader Joe's Sweet Corn (or use a whole bag if you like)

1 Chopped Onion

2 Tbs. Chili Powder

1 Tbs. Garlic Powder

Salt and Pepper to taste

Cook Chorizo in a skillet and add to stew pot or large Crock Pot. Add all other ingredients cook till corn and onions are tender. For Crock Pot you can leave on warm for the day or afternoon. It depends on how hot your pot gets but don't put it on high or it will burn. The dish is all ready pretty much ready except for the veggies and the spices working through and getting "happy".

Mexican Egg Bake

1 tube pork chorizo

1 can green chilies

1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

12 eggs

1/2 cup milk

1 tsp salt

3 flour (or 4-5 corn) tortillas cut in cubes (I use a Pampered Chef Pizza cutter to do strips and then turn the strips to make cubes)

Cook chorizo in skillet. Scoop into 13X9 baking dish leaving as much of the chorizo fat in the pan still. Saute the tortilla cubes in chorizo fat till coated a bit and a little crispy. Scatter on top of cooked chorizo in baking dish.

In a large bowl beat eggs, add salt, chilies, and cheese one at a time. Pour over chorizo and tortillas and bake for 30- 40 min. at 350 or until egg is cooked. Overcooking will dry it so watch out!

Where Did Evil Come From

I was thrilled the other day, and encouraged to be able to take part in a live question forum done by Randy Alcorn. His new book "If God is Good" is now high on my want to read list. However, I did not feel that my ultimate question got answered, though he was doing a fantastic job of answering questions. I could not be right there and say more specifically what I wanted to understand. That being: Where did evil originate? If it was in existence it had to begin existing somewhere.

Before I begin though I have to tell one thing I love about God. He never lets us settle for less with Him. What I mean by that is this:

I use to think that heaven was going to be one long and boring church singing service (ironically the OTHER main problem in my thinking that Randy's book "Heaven" blew my mind wide open on!:). Though this bothered me, I had come to a point where I said to the Lord "Okay, if that is it, I trust you to make that the definition of my complete fulfillment" or that if it was going to be that way, I was okay with it because I trusted God to change the way I felt about it when the time comes. He could have left it at that you know. Nope, he longs to blow our minds and even, YES...give us answers to our deepest questions about Him. He delights in our seeking!

My new question is one I've had for many many years. It's one of those ones you never think you will get an answer to. I tend to go right to questions that go all the way down in my thinking. If something came from this, then I want to know where the "this" was from. Know what I mean? In other words, the Big Bang theory would never have been enough for me even if I did not know God because my next question would be "Well, who caused the Big Bang? Who Banged? What was there before it went Bang?"

So, just as the heaven misconception I had, I had settled on the issue of evil as well. It was incorrect though and the Lord was not going to let me settle on less with Him. I had decided that if God was the source of all things, EVERYTHING, then somehow evil would have to have come in it's conception from Him. What other options are there if He is the beginning of all? I asked Randy if it was true then that evil was created by God not as a reflection of his character but as a tool he would use to actually show his goodness. Randy said that he agreed that God permits and uses evil to show his goodness, but not that God was the source of evil. So I chatted with something like: "Well, then where does it come from?". He had other questions at the time and did not get to answering mine anymore than that. It was good for me though because it led me to searching.

On his discussion, and in response to other questions, he talked about how the original sin was actually BEFORE the creation, and took place in heaven when sin entered in the heart of Satan (Isiah 14:12-15). So, I naturally thought that out to mean that if it entered, it had to COME from somewhere outside of him right? Well, not really.

Let me just skip all my processes and take you conveniently to my answer from God.

Sin does not originate in the mind of God, it originates and has all to do with the fact of free will. He created the angels before us but like us, he gave them free will. He was 100% goodness. The was no evil in him. But, the moment he created a free will creature, he allowed and permitted the possibility and the opportunity for evil. Evil would therefore be defined as the opposite of what God is, everything he is. Though he did not create that bad, he allowed the option for it. When we say "free will" we mean that there has to be a choice and in order for there to be a good choice there had to be a bad choice. The moment that bad choice was made by one, evil was born. I should say Sin was born because sin is the rejection of God, the rebelling against the way he wants his creation to be, the disobedience of him (which we wrongly link bad connotations in our mind to like a child but we don't realize that obedience is not "do what I say" as much as it is "let me show you the way to joyful fulfillment") and evil is the result of that sin. Evil is the action word that takes place as sin displays itself. Evil is the spontaneous combustion so to speak from the sinful heart.

Ironically after these things began to come together in my thinking and as I searched deeper and deeper in my logic for the beginning of sin and evil in a truthful way (meaning in a definition that would not contradict scripture or the basis that God IS good, as my stupid settling assumption above had been), I read the very next day in Mere Christianity, C.S Lewis mirroring my very thoughts and conclusions:
(I must note that to fully understand this statement you really need to go back and read book 2 chapter, in the book entitled "The Invasion")

"And do you now begin to see why Christianity has always said that the devil is a fallen angel? That is not a mere story for the children. It is a real recognition of the fact that evil is a parasite, not an original thing."

So, then, the obvious next step in our questioning would be "How can it be God's will for evil to have been born then?"

Lewis addresses this wonderfully also:

"....how can anything happen contrary to the will of a being with absolute power?

But anyone who has been in authority knows how a thing can be in accordance with your will in one way and not in another. It may be quite sensible for a mother to say to the children, 'I'm not going to go and make you tidy the schoolroom every night. You've got to learn to keep it tidy on your own.' Then she goes up one night and finds the Teddy bear and the ink and the French Grammar all lying in the grate. That is against her will. She would prefer the children to be tidy. But on the other hand, it is her will which has left the children free to be untidy. The same thing arises in any regiment, or trade union, or school. You make a thing voluntary and then half the people do not do it. That is not what you willed, but your will has made it possible.

It is probably the same in the universe. God created things which had free will. That means creatures which can go either wrong or right. Some people think they can imagine a creature which was free but had no possibility of going wrong; I cannot. If a thing is free to be good it is also free to be bad. And free will is what has made evil possible. Why, then, did God give them free will? Because free will, though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having.

Of course God knew what would happen if they used their freedom the wrong way; apparently He thought it worth the risk. Perhaps we feel inclined to disagree with Him. But there is a difficulty about disagreeing with God. He is the source from which all your reasoning power comes: you could not be right and He wrong any more than a stream can rise higher than its own source. When you are arguing against Him you are arguing against the very power that makes you able to argue at all: it is like cutting off the branch you are sitting on. If God thinks this state of war in the universe a price worth paying for free will-....then we may take it is worth paying."

He goes on to talk about how Satan could have gone wrong in the first place and issues of how if there is a self, and free will, then that free will has the option to put itself first, wanting to be the center. Read on if you can...it's great stuff.

So, you can see that I only had my reasoning confirmed and cleared. Thank you Mr. Lewis! Thank you Lord for opening his eyes to such logical Christian truth.

Does that mean that the whole world scheme of good and bad and those who will choose well and those who won't is the way he wants it? Yes. Does it also mean that He wills all would choose well? Yes. Once sin began, He chose to permit it. He could have snuffed it out immediately. From then on He has again and again decided when it should be permitted and when it should be held back or stopped. His allowance of suffering is purposeful as well to demonstrate how He will overcome it. If he does not wish to use it, or overcome it after the fact, He does not allow it to begin with. This is what it means when we say that God works all things for good. There is no evil, and no suffering allowed that He will not work for good. The pain we see in the world that turns many people from God because they cannot bring themselves to submit to a God who allows it, is permitted by Him. Whether we want to submit to that God or not is not an issue really, but if only we would remember that His every permission of it is for good, we would stop defining Him other than what He is. In fact we don't define Him at all, He defines Himself. We can only agree with Him by submitting to His definition of himself, or define him incorrectly, there is not other option. But, that is another blog post isn't it!?:)

As we follow this logical trail we end at one startling place. IF FREE WILL CAN DESTROY THINGS ONE TIME, WHY CAN'T IT DO IT AGAIN IN ETERNITY?

Here I have a four word answer: God says it won't.

The angels were the first to play this out in heaven . They were all created and given free will. One made the wrong choice and many made the wrong choice to follow the fallen one. All the rest chose to remain with God. Then, we have us, the created on earth. Right now the time of choice is playing itself out. We get once chance to choose. Once we do, and all of human history plays out, the books will close. The eternal choices will have been made. God promises that after that time, sin will be cast out forever and it will not be...that's right PERMITTED again. We have to remember that it is not some crazy thing that has it's own will and works out it's evil when it wants. GOD says when it can and cannot have it's way. He says in eternity it will be no more. He promises not to permit it again. We have to take Him at His word! Just as he told Noah with the rainbow "I won't allow the world to be flooded again Noah, and that is a promise", Noah knew God would keep his word. This is the same simple answer.

At the beginning free will was given. The choice was offered. Once the choices have been made, we still will be the free will creatures, we will just be the decided ones.

What is your choice?

PS: Christians- get your mental hands dirty and dig for truths. Read the WORD, read Lewis, and stop wasting your time on petty legalistic mumbo jumbo. Find out the deepest questions of the universe. Be ready to give an answer. Exercise your brain and Love God with all your mind. That does not mean knowing all the rules, it means knowing the truth. The truth will set you oh, so free.

How 'Bout Them Kids

I'm so busy with the children and their lives, I don't have enough time to write about it all!

I had parent teacher conferences yesterday and I was so blessed that they are doing so well.

Victoria is a self motivated academic. I am so blessed by the Lord in this. She is keeping straight A's and is going to be getting the student of the quarter award tomorrow. She got it her first quarter in 5th grade as well. So, I'm glad to see her diligence and character in the classroom is continuing. She is the teachers helper and is very efficient I hear at entering data into the computer. Now if we can just get her to keep her desk (and room for that matter) clean, she will be on a roll!:)

Socially however, this year has been tough. Many of her friends from last year have taken a bad turn down female-pecking-order lane. Some of them have grades that are dropping because they are not focused on their school work. They have been very awful to Victoria and ostracized her. I found out yesterday she has been trying to stay in at recess too. Her teacher and I talked about the situation and she is going to try to encourage her to get outside and also to start mingling with a few other girls in the class headed in the right direction. Rick and I see it as a blessing that these girls won't let her in their social circle because we think God is using that to protect her. That's a hard thing to explain to her though.

Emma Bear is once again shocking us with her performance. Last year her teacher was perfect for her and very laid back. This year we knew she was getting a kind teacher but one who was not so much laid back. The transition has been just what Emma has needed. She is becoming so responsible and is motivated to make sure we check her homework, sign her agenda, and drill her on her multiplication tables. He teacher said she is very bright and has interesting questions and observations as they go along. Emma also comes up with dual ways to solve problems. I am not surprised by that because she has always been the problem solving type. It was good to hear that she is doing so well. Especially since she is in a combo class where most of the students are in 4th grade.

Caedmon is doing excellent on his academics. He has been "zoning out" a great deal in class however and I got a great chance to chat with his teacher about this yesterday. Caedmon has a different kind of attention problem than most boys. With typical boys, they get the tiniest bit distracted or bored and they start to get noisy, fidgety, and disobedient even. Caedmon does the opposite, he secludes inside himself. His brain goes far, far away to who knows where. He is still quiet, so it's hard to tell that he's not with it at the moment. She did have him in the back of the class because he was ahead on an academic level but she has since moved him to the front for a while to make sure he is not spacing. He is still one of the youngest in the class so we also feel that his brain development will help with this phase he is going through. Somehow though, when he is with it, he catches everything he needs to know to do his work. Caedmon would be a great kid for homeschooling in some regards, and the worse for others. His tendency to seclude would be catered to especially because he has no other boys to play with at home. Being at school pushes Caedmon in ways he needs to be pushed. He is rather calm and inactive and would prefer a day of tinkering with his Lego's and toys rather than getting moving. It's great that he can come home and do that but part of the day he really needs more stimulation both academically and socially.

All three of the kids are enjoying Awana this year as well. They did not want to go but we insisted they needed the fellowship and teaching. Caedmon just earned his first jewel and was very excited. Emma is plowing through sections so fast her leader had to tell her she could not listen to them all one night or she would not get to hear the other kids ones. She did about 8 in one week. Victoria just moved on to another book as well in TNT.

So, that's the news from here.

A New Adventure Of Trusting God

Monday I had to call 911. I was having an experience I've had before. Back in May I had this scary episode of light-headededness and my heart racing and thumping. I had just woken up and nothing stressful was going on. Still, at the ER they did tests and everything came back good. I was told I had probably had a panic attack. I was so frustrated with this because I did not agree. Turns out I was right.
On Monday I had been having a little lunch with Rick and Caed. I stood up to gather my things and got very dizzy. I started to feel like I was going to pass out. I sat back down and asked Rick to bring me some ice water. He was on a lunch break so I really needed to get feeling better to at least get home. After about five minutes I felt I could drive. All the way home (a ten minute drive) I was trying to relax and kept splashing ice water all over my face. I was scared to pass out while trying to get home. At home it got worse. I tried to lay down but became so uncomfortable and it became difficult to breathe. I called my mom and then got worried about Caed alone in the house if something happened to me. That pushed me to call 911.
I'll cut through a lot of drama here to get to the end. All the tests were fine in the ER, and I could have predicted that. They told me to follow up with my Dr. and Rick was able to get me an appointment the next morning. We left a little early for that as it started up again in the morning about 45 minutes before my appointment.
I have a wonderful Doctor, let me just say that. He was the first person to not look at me like I was nuts. He said I had PAT which stands for "Paroxysmal Atrial Tachycardia". Basically my heart will spontaneously decide to take off unexpectedly and beat extremely fast. IT is related to hormone cycles as well and triggered by caffeine, even a little. So, I'm off caffeine and I have to learn how to manage it if it happens again. My doctor was helpful in that and said that if the episodes are more frequent, which I PRAY they are not because they are so scary, then I can take a medicine when they help to slow down my heart racing. Next week I will be wearing a heart monitor for a week because if you are hooked up when this happens, they can catch it. I doubt it will occur again but I'm going to wear it anyway. There was a six month gap between this episode and the last one.
So, anyway, enough drama for a while for me. I'm very thankful for some answers.