Blog Themes

I'm wanting to structure myself for a bit. I'm taking on some blog themes for a few different reasons. One, to let my blog help me more than take from me. If I have themes that spur me to do the things in my life I need to, then it helps me. If I randomly blog all the time it keeps me from getting stuff done. Second, it allows you to visit more on the days you are interested in. So, here is what I'm lookin at for now.

Monday- Menu Monday (I'm going to work my way through a few cookbooks this year and these will be about those new meals I'm trying)

Tuesday- Tackle it Tuesday (organization, gettin stuff done, ideas, inspiration on housekeeping, health and fitness goals, and other goals like hopefully gardening etc)

Wednesday- Whatever The Heck Wednesday (my day to be random, contemplative or just on a soap box...cause I love it:) This week I'll be doing my contemplation on Christian Hedonism Part 4 and that will be the final post on that I believe. Oh, and isn't my title of this one so spiritual?)

Thursday-Thankful Thursday (been doing that for a while and still want to keep it up).

Friday- Fan Club Friday (things I'm a fan of, posts I loved, something to highlight on any level of my world, I'll be sharing what I'm a fan of)

Saturday- Saturday Scraps (stuff from the week, perhaps photos of things we do, family events, thoughts rolling in my head during the week etc)

Sunday- Side Step Sunday(I'll just be linking you to the Bible in a Year and Beyond Site for whatever I'm writing there on Sundays)

I do not hold myself to any obligation to do these posts every week however, but it will be what I'll be following for a while.

Today being Sunday I'll just link you to my contribution to the Bible In a Year and Beyond Site here.

Saturday Scraps

I was not going to do this today, was gunna skip it but then I remembered my darlings pics I needed to share!

Princess got Honor Roll. I was mad at myself for considering not taking a picture because she has been getting honor roll since she started public school, but the I reflected that this is not easy to do! Especially heading into 6th grade concepts and work loads getting bigger. She is so self motivated she deserves her moment in the spotlight for sure. We thank God for this academic gift he has given her. Way to hang in there Princess!

Superkid FINALLY lost his other front tooth! This thing had been hanging there for a LONG time like some Billy Bob guy. Superkid does NOT believe in wiggling teeth at any price. This tooth like the other one beside it, and the two bottom ones, had the permanent tooth well in before the baby tooth came out. So, we all cheer real big when it comes out. I've been curious how big his permanent front teeth will actually be. He is such a big kid all ready (he comes up to my chest) at 6, I know he is going to be huge and those teeth right there are for the grown man he will be. I have a feeling they will look big when they come in.

We have wheels again! Last night Rick and I picked up our Jetta. We had the heating core bypassed (so glad we live where we do!) and it was 60 dollars CHEAPER than they quoted. Thank you Lord! We got babysitting and went to see Avatar. That was a fun ride. As my facebook status indicated:

"Well, saw Avatar. It's like Pocahontas meets Jurassic Park, meets Star Wars, meets Planet Earth, meets Braveheart, meets Blue Man Group, meets Al Gore. Don't get me wrong, it was a fun ride and very original and creatively beautiful. Not cool with making the military look like jerks but I'll take a flying dragon of my own any day."

And Rick and I decided:

"Rick and I have the most frugal idea now for the kids on Halloween. We'll just strip them down, paint them blue and give them a loin cloth with a tail."

(Please don't take that seriously)

I'm so excited I don't have to get a ride or walk in the cold on Monday morning. I can take my kids to school when we are ready and want to go! It's amazing how thankful going without can make you.

I was reading in Job when God responds to Job and it amazed me to read:

"Who provides food for the raven when its young cry out to God and wander about for lack of food?"

Do we ever think enough about how God's hand gives to us? The animals really depend on God to provide their next meal. I wonder if we should ponder this more and realize we do nothing for ourselves. I felt God provided for our car a solution that was from Him. It was not a fancy new one on credit, it was not a beef up job on credit, it was a simple set of wheels which was what we needed but it was from Him. How often I work for the fancy things in a way that frets to have what I think I need when God is ready to give me all I really need. I just think I should think more like the creatures he provides for and wait expectant on His provision.

The pantry challenge is continuing btw, but I'm drawing it out into Feb. I'm still using what I have from the cupboards but I've been getting meat when it's really cheap (like 49 and 88 cents a lb) and things for lunches still have to be purchased. There are some areas I need to regroup and go back to making my own from the cupboard but it's becoming more of a drawn out challenge for me. Just wanted to update.

We did have a fun "mother of invention" moment when we wanted dessert last week. I blended some very ripe bananas with ice and a can of condensed milk from the cupboard and we froze them into banana pops in our Popsicle makers. The kids loved them! That's why these challenges are so fun, they make you try new things.

Thankful Thursday

One cannot get to theological to not be thankful:) So I'm breaking from the stream of thoughts to do my normal thang.

Oh, and there have been two people tell me they have written long comments only to loose them. First of all, I am so sorry! Blogger can be a little mean if you are typing for a while. I am very anxious to hear your thoughts though (this is regarding the Christian Hedonist Post 1, 2, and 3). So, my suggestion if you have a lot to share is to type it in another venue and copy and paste it so you don't loose it.

Most of you know we have been on one vehicle since late November. We tried a few trouble shooting things that were not enough for our car so Rick had it towed in this week. They diagnosed the problem and it was going to cost 900 to 1100 dollars to fix. We were very discouraged. We had no where near that. We don't use credit anymore at all so we did not know what step to take. Then, today another mechanic advised Rick that what we needed to fix (the heating core) could be side stepped to get the car running. It just would not have heat or defrost (and it all ready does not have air conditioning so let the adventure continue lol!). That option is 200 dollars and we are up for the cheap set of wheels whatever they may be. So, I'm very thankful a solution presented itself because we were going to have to have it towed back to our house to sit till we could afford something.

I'm thankful Princess got through her reading of Anne Of Green Gables (she is such a fantasy lover when it comes to literature that I had a hard time convincing her it was good) and she really liked the movie. I have it memorized but it's so different to watch it as a mom of a girl coming into these years! Oh, my goodness, it's so different, and it's such a delight to see her smile at the humor and get sheepish at the developing romance. Ah, my little baby is growing up into a lady with feelings.

I'm so thankful I don't know much and that I love to learn. Especially when it comes to study in the Word. I really don't know much for a gal raised in a Christian home but finding things out for the first time is so thrilling to me. I'm so thankful I have lots to learn.

I'm thankful for my new women's discipleship group even though at first I wondered if I could fit it in with everything else. It turns out it's right along the lines of other issues God is teaching me. I'll be talking some about it in Part 4.

I'm thankful all three kids report cards look good. Our main goal for them is not perfect academics (and in fact if it was we would probably not do public school because they don't have to be too clever to be at the top...but that does not mean they do not work hard because they do) but they all three have been diligent in their work and keeping up. Victoria is carrying a 4.0 in 6th grade and 6th grade is tough. I never carried that. She actually brought some grades up from A's to A+ this quarter. I'm amazed at her sense of purpose with her school work. The classmates all call her for homework assignments or questions. She is on top of that in a way I was never good at. I can take no credit for this in her, it's the grace of God in a gift He has given her and her fathers smarts. I'm creative but I'm not book smart.

I'm thankful further tests seem to indicate there is nothing crucially wrong with me. I am still having pain in my arm that comes and goes and we are still not sure why but I'm hoping it will pass with increased vitamins and exercise. The doctor thinks I initially got an infection in my arm through a torn nail bed. I do work at a day care where germs are flying so there is no telling what got into my system. I'm still hoping it finishes healing, but I'm thankful the tests have shown no serious problems.

I'm thankful for God's wisdom and that I just get to learn from Him forever.

OH! And I'm thankful it's almost time for Lost to start up and the winter Olympics! So temporal I know.

BTW: If you would like to join me in doing Thankful Thursdays...please do. There can never be enough reflecting on what we are thankful for!

A Side Step In Job: Christian Hedonism Part 3 (i guess:)

Well, man may make his plans but God directs his steps. I planned to pick up part three talking about how we don't desire and enjoy God though we may trust him. I posted Part 2 yesterday and noticed much reading and little commenting. I cannot say enough how much of a research this is for me still. If you read and have questions please ask because I'm asking them too and if you don't agree feel free to say on what point. This discussion is an invitation to dive in and filter out what is not true and what is but that does not come from any of us, it comes from the revelation of God through the Holy Spirit to our hearts AND minds. I really do mean when I say I that invite discussion. I want to hear what's turning in your heads even if it's just that you are dizzy! :) Or if you are drawing a blank...you can share that too:) If it's that you just think I'm talking circles and don't get my point, I pray it becomes clear soon.....my point that is. And, you know, I realize that mainly this is a journey God has me on, and I delight in it but I don't expect it to make sense to everyone (as it barely is starting to make sense to me). It's my joy to share with you but I also write so I will not forget.
I do have two things that have come up or been shared with me on my facebook regarding this topic that I'd like to share at the end.

Still, I was pondering some things I had written and re-evaluating their validity with the rest of scripture. I wanted to make sure to clarify that we are not unhappy because we have sinned (though that may sometimes be true, it is not true all the time especially as I think of Job) but that because of sin and our fallen state, we struggle with happiness. It is the same with righteousness. Christ has cleansed us, we are righteous, but yet, we struggle here with being righteous in our flesh. I hope that helps a bit. We have to remember our redeemer HAS indeed redeemed and we are not trying to work for any reward, even happiness, we seek it out of delight from our eyes being opened and our hearts therefore responding.

Also, when I respond to the verse "he will give you the desires of your heart" with "he wants to make you happy!" I DO NOT mean that he wants to give you what you want and crave of the temporal because the fact is that that is NOT what will make you happy. It may give you an earthly delight that can indeed be from him as a gift, or it may be a flat out deception of happiness, but either way, it will not give you what he made you for that being HIM. So, God knows more than we do that the desire of our heart is for Him. He knows that because He put that desire there. It is a separate desire than the desires for earthly goodies from him and it is the very desire I'm wanting to re -captivate and seek, and tell you about. There is a happiness that leaves us wanting, and there is a happiness that when we seek it and desire it, and find it, it fills up our joy. More on that later (don't you love that I always say that;)

So, I take a side step into Job, my chronological reading and study that the Lord used to embellish my train of thoughts about happiness (quite unexpectedly I might add! I love that He works that way!). I was starting to see a connection in the over all message of Job but I was not sure what it was yet. I jumped ahead to start evaluating the very last three chapters of Job as I will be responsible for that devotional post on the Bible In A Year And Beyond site I've graciously been asked to take part it. Yet, I was still back in today's readings in Job 26-29. Job 28 is a pivotal and crucial chapter in the book of Job, and it is a turning point of the story. Job begins to turn toward not just the bigness of God, or his mighty ways that we observe, but his WISDOM that we cannot fathom and that no man can understand.


I began to ponder about wisdom. The Lord reminded me the language he uses to entice us into the glory of wisdom:


For wisdom will enter your heart And knowledge will be pleasant to your soul; (Prov 2:10)


For wisdom is better than jewels;And all desirable things cannot compare with her (Prov 8:11)


How much better it is to get wisdom than gold!And to get understanding is to be chosen above silver(Prov 16:16)


He who gets wisdom loves his own soul;He who keeps understanding will find good. (Prov 19:8)


Notice the language of pleasure, of treasure (paralleling our earthly "luck" or "pot of gold"...prosperity, riches and prosperity), of desiring and wanting, of seeking your own happiness or "loving your own soul" by seeking wisdom. It would at first sound like selfish language to say "loves his own soul", for should he not love God? Ah, but as Piper points out in his book, they are the same, wrapped up in each other. God is our greatest good that we should seek for ourselves.

Now notice the language of desire and seeking:


I love those who love me; And those who diligently seek me will find me. (Prov 8:17)

If you seek her as silver And search for her as for hidden treasures; (Prov 2:4)

She (wisdom) is more precious than jewels;And nothing you desire compares with her. (Prov 3:15)

Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding!Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth.(Prov 4:5) (here we are not just enticed or encouraged to seek but commanded! God does that too and we need to listen when he is this serious!)


At the same time, as Job discovers in chapter 28, wisdom cannot be gained by human study of any kind, it is from the Lord. The men who advised him did not have it (according to God himself, he says that of them at the end of Job), and Job had heard of it but had not seen it yet.

For the LORD gives wisdom;From His mouth come knowledge and understanding. (Prov 2:6)

The LORD by wisdom founded the earth,By understanding He established the heavens.(Prov 3:19)

Counsel is mine and sound wisdom;I am understanding, power is mine.(Prov 8:14)


And these words seem to echo Job 28:

Surely I am more stupid than any man, And I do not have the understanding of a man. Neither have I learned wisdom, Nor do I have the knowledge of the Holy One. Who has ascended into heaven and descended? Who has gathered the wind in His fists? Who has wrapped the waters in His garment? Who has established all the ends of the earth? What is His name or His son's name? Surely you know! Every word of God is tested; He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him. Do not add to His words Or He will reprove you, and you will be proved a liar. (Prov 30:2-4)

For Job reflects:

"But where can wisdom be found? And where is the place of understanding? 'Man does not know its value, Nor is it found in the land of the living. '"

He even takes a few verses to mention specific gems and precious metals of earthly fortune that cannot compare giving the word picture and enticing of Proverbs that what man desires most and enjoys so highly, cannot compare to this delight.

Another important parallel though is found in verse 22:

Destruction and Death say, ‘We have heard a report about it with our ears.’

I found this astounding because the Word tells us : "We were dead in our trespasses and sin...but you have been made alive in Christ" (my paraphrase of Eph 2)

Because of our state of death we can only hear of wisdom and it's pleasures. Only God, through Christ now to us who came after his coming (and through faith credited to them as righteousness as in Jobs day) can open our eyes to see wisdom. At the end of Job this is the very conclusion of Job himself when he says:

I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear; But now my eye sees You; Job 42:5

Job has passed from death into life. God has let him move beyond hearing into seeing. Even in his state of knowing how great God was, it was not enough to convict his heart to repentance. God brought him to that place (through his suffering) to see that God was wise and that he desired that delightful part of God.

Now, here is the amazing thing about wisdom that ties it in with our discussion on happiness. Our fallen-ness does not keep us from God's wisdom. Even if we were never interrupted with the fall of man, we would not comprehend these things. The moment we understand fully the wisdom of God, we will be his equal. Now, let your mind stretch around this one.....

You will (if you are redeemed) spend now and all of eternity receiving new pleasures and delights from God's wisdom. You will never reach the end. THAT is how wise God is. THAT is what blew Job's mind to realize. THAT is what led him to repent. Yet, the part I feel we are missing out on as Christians is the continual seeking and desiring as for hidden treasure.

My friend Amy made one of the most pertinents observations in the comments from part 2 and I don't know if you caught it. She mentioned this verse:

You will make known to me the path of life;In Your presence is fullness of joy;In Your right hand there are pleasures forever. (Psalm 16:11)

She went on to mention that we know from the Word EVERYWHERE else, who is positioned at the right hand of the Father. It is our savior, Jesus Christ. He is associated with our pleasure and pleasure is something we seek, yet we never attain.

An aspect of joy within Christianity is that it has become more defined as quiet trust, dependence and hope, supernatural delight so to speak (and yes, these are my personal definitions in my mind). The scripture continually uses the language "that your joy may be full" or "restore to me the joy of my salvation". The part of this that we, I, am missing in my walk with the Lord, is that though joy is continual in the ways I defined above, it is missing the element of being continually filled and restored. That is the part that happiness brings into joy that is to crucial to throw out.

So, this was where my thoughts were wondering, and rabbit trailing, and then coming back together. I find that all is connected and all is on it's own as well. The Word of God is amazing that way. But, I wanted to cover these aspects of what happened to Job and the issue of the parallel of the wisdom of God before moving on to the topic of enjoying God. I honestly don't know where I'm going, I'm just enjoying the ride as God brings it along.

On this trail I'm hiking came a quote my friend Donna posted to our C.S. Lewis reading club that my husband and I are in. It is from St. Augustine I believe:

"Humans love many different things and when they seem to have all that they desire, we are accustomed to call them happy. But we can be happy only if we are loving what ought to be loved. Happiness does not consist simply in having what we happen to love. We sometimes are made more unhappy by having what we love than in not having it. When unhappy persons love something hurtful, they are made even more unhappy."

I am tickled by the circles we go in just in that quote! You can truly get logically dizzy you know! It does happen! Yet, I love it. :) And, hey, at least you are along for the ride!

I really liked the quote, and in response to it and something I said about it my friend Alyce commented back to me and I so appreciate her sharing that she was struggling with the concept! Struggling is good because it's movement toward seeking!

"Alicia, I thought of you when I read this. Lewis said so much better what I was wrestling with. 'To pursue being happy can be disastrous, because our natural bent is so self centered, and we love ourselves so much that we go for the wrong things. But to love God results in the happiness we so long for. Happiness should be the result, not the goal.'"

This has been a light bulb moment for me! Thank you btw Alyce for that, and thank you again Lewis! It is a key breakthrough to these discussions . It's the part I have perhaps been missing.

Happiness is not our goal, it is God's goal for us! We don't have to worry about being happy! We don't' have to seek it, we have to seek him! We don't have to seek our desires, we have to seek Him! At His right hand are pleasures forevermore, our Christ Jesus, full of wisdom and truth (full meaning as God is! God made flesh once again...all ties together people!). So, perhaps the originating statement bothered me ("happiness is not God's goal for us") because the Holy Spirit in me knew that it WAS!

Okay, get ready....we are going to circle again....

We do have to seek Him, we do have to desire Him, we do have to find pleasure and enjoy him, NOT happiness, HIM. Why? Because He is our happiness! His goal for us is Himself resulting in our happiness and Himself resulting in our righteousness.

Are you dizzy now? If you are not....read it again..LOL!

So, do you? Do I? Seek, desire, enjoy?

This is the verse on my heart to talk about next "Taste and see that the Lord is good"

What is our trip up? What do we do instead? The world goes to empty wells of happiness, and we may struggle with that too, but what else keeps us specifically as Christians, from craving more pleasure from God? What does it have to do with Christ?

Which Came First, The Happy Or The Joy? Christian Hedonism Part 2

I cannot express enough my bewilderment at where to start the next part of these thoughts. I've prayed that the Lord would make the way clear to me because it has been like a bunch of individual pertinent butterflies fluttering around in my head, delightful and true but I could not, and still am having a hard time putting the random importance into order that would help the reader get my overall point in the best most logical way. I'm a random thinker and a random writer and I have to say, I apologize to you, the reader because you may not get the point until I'm well on my way. You may understand it in different sequence than my brain does and you may have to dive in with me, go "huh?" and then backtrack once a light bulb comes on and you don't understand the randomness before your moment of "ah,ha!". So, bear with me, and I thank you ahead of time. The Lord has encouraged me that I just have to give it the way it comes and let Him do the rest. He did give me two starting points though and I'm hoping He will lead me from there. FIRST OF ALL... you need to read Part 1 to know what the discussion is here.

Part 2
Here is one of my main thoughts:
The fact that we seek happiness in the wrong ways does not prove that God's focus is not on our happiness. It only proves that we are off track.

This would be like saying that because our lusts are corrupted by sin, sexual pleasure is not what God wants for us.
HOWEVER....there are some legitimate observations about the images that these terms procure in our thinking. So, I want to start there because words are so crucial to our understanding but they also can become something they are not through cultural conditioning and experience. The bible uses both terms (though joy is used more) and John Piper bounces back and forth between them himself in his book "Desiring God" and I've noticed that sometimes you could substitute one for the other but not always. This solidified my theory that they are both important, different, and wrapped up in each other somehow. I invite further help on this if you have any because I'm searching with ya.
The Logistics....
Happy: Middle English ; Origin 1300-1350; adjective
"Hap"= "luck"
1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing.
2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy.
3. favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky
4. apt or felicitous, as actions, utterances or ideas.
5. obsessed by or quick to use the item indicated; characterized by spontaneous or obsessive inclination to use something.
Synonyms- joyous, joyful, blithe, cheerful, merry, contented, gay, blissful, satisfied, favorable, propitious, successful, prosperous, fortunate.

Joy: Latin (guadium-guad meaning to rejoice or take pleasure in; base of gaudere- "to be glad")
Origin: 1175-1225
Noun
1. emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation
2. a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone valued or appreciated.
3. the expression or display of glad feeling; festive gaiety.
4. a state of happiness or felicity
-verb form- (used w/o object)
5. to feel joy; be glad; rejoice
-verb form- (w/ object)
6. to gladden
Synonyms
1. rapture, bliss, pleasure
Greek versions: gaio- I rejoice, guaire "noble"

Ironically the Latin word for for joy itself is "Laetus" which means: happy,fertile, rich.

So, these are interesting and I don't know about you but they give me the feeling that I'm circling around and coming back to the place from which one begins and the other ends over and over and over. I mean that they are all tied in with each other, but I still knew there was something different between them and something that we were missing when we left out that difference. I have been searching to put my finger on that.
Even from these logistical definitions we get the feeling that happy leans into superficial and joy leans into profound. There seem to be things that happy has for us and there seem things that joy has for us. I think the big trip up here in the human definition of happy is the "luck" element. "Luck" gives a feeling of chance and human prosperity completely temporal. It really gives us a feeling of there being no God at all. And yet, part of joy means "fertile and rich" so again we circle.
What is the frustration?
I think I'm frustrated that time and culture have taken the older word joy and added ungodly parameters to the definition, because in our distaste for these, we throw out some things that the word has for us that we cannot miss. I present to you that the enemy has allowed this concept to be tainted because it is one of the most powerful concepts of our relationship to God, but I'll come back to that later.
What is the solution?
We cannot find our true definitions just here. We have to go biblical. Before we take that dive though, let's notice a few other important things about the logistics.
Happy is an adjective, it shows action. It has movement. Joy is a noun and just is what it is so to speak (I'm not good with grammar so help me or let me know if I'm off base here). Many of the things associated with happiness come and go: fortune, obsession, favor etc. Joy has more noble definitions that seem more solid: rapture, keen pleasure, valued delight, exceptional.
Hmmmm, you can see why we find one more biblically appealing than the other. So this is why we now must dive into the biblical intentions and these are not as easy to see because they don't have written explanations and parameters. Remember when I ask you to go back with me that the traditions of men have made these above definitions. I guess I'm asking you now, after filling your head with so much, to take a moment to wipe it clean and journey with me. I promise we will come back around, it just may take me a while.

Which Came First, the Happy or the Joy?
I asked my Christian friend this a few days ago and she said "of course, the joy! it had to!". She was bewildered when I said "nope".
My Premise:
God brought forgiveness through Christ to redeem our righteousness;
He brought joy through the Holy Spirit to redeem our happiness.

You can see that this leads to one thing only, that being that God was originally and fully focused on our happiness. For something to need redemption implies that it has been corrupted or torn away from it's original purpose and position. Our original purpose was happiness. In fact, the biblical concept of joy is proof that we were intended to be happy and it's purpose is to be a supernatural redemption of that state.
"All men seek happiness. This is without exception" Blaise Pascal
"seeking one's own happiness is not a sin; it is a simple given human nature. It is a law of the human heart, as gravity is a law of nature" John Piper
We have been given a hunger to be happy, a desire, a longing, by God. It was his original intent for us above all other things (an interesting side note is that even other religions are a proof of this fundamental truth. For instance Buddhism is all about living a life void of the effects of pain and suffering). There was one thing meant to fill that, Himself. God, being completely full of happiness and of fullest value sought to do the most loving thing for us that he could, make us crave the most supremely valuable thing, Him. It was the birth of the greatest love story that will ever be. The Creator wanted us to want Him above all (here was born our desire for happiness), not because he needed to be wanted but because out of his love for us he knew He was the ultimate thing we would need and delight in because He was the supreme source of happiness. Happiness is best experienced when it is extended to another and God did that for us. More on that later as well.
"It is not a bad thing to desire our own good. In fact, the great problem of human beings is that they are far too easily pleased. They don't seek pleasure with nearly the resolve and passion that they should." John Piper

"God finds our desires not to strong but too weak" C.S. Lewis
Here is a key difference from joy to happiness. The seeking of pleasure, the fostering of desire. This is what happiness brings to the table that joy does not. Notice above that joy is a noun and happy is an adjective. One is a continual state, and one is in motion. We've got the siting part right people, we are joyful (or so we say...more on that later too), but we lack the pursuit of more, the seeking of our pleasure. The very use of the term "true happiness" that we Christians employ is proof that we have decided there is a "false happiness" and I tell you, we have let the false one keep us from the true one not just in our thoughts of eternity but HERE and NOW. The enemy has used our culture to rob us of a great gift that God is standing and holding out for us but we cannot see it. The unsaved putter around that God picking up empty packages that don't satisfy and Christians don't realize that God has more to give because we are sitting wrapped in our blanket of joy (as we have defined it) thinking the gifts from him have been given all ready. We are in a white robe of righteousness wrapped up in a blanket of joy and sitting at his feet not seeing the further gift in hand for us (which really is Himself....continually given). I understand these are challenging things to absorb and excuse me if my word pictures do not help you but distract you. Please throw them out if they distract.
That God does not want us to be happy is a rooted deception of the enemy as are the lures to false happiness he has set up. To say "I am joyful" seems to leave out the action of pursuit. The very "I am" part of that trips us up. The very fact that happiness is fleeting shows us that we need to be up and moving, desiring and seeking pleasure meant for us from God. It's characteristic of fleeting does not prove it invaluable but attained differently. I am joyful but I need to keep wanting joy and that is a process of seeking happiness. Joy is not a finished state, it is in essence a balm for us when we hit rock bottom in this world of sin and there is nothing else. That is why the unsaved don't have it. It is a gift given to us from the Holy Spirit for our aid in our state of fallenness.
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4 He will make you happy!? He wants to make you happy. Happiness essentially is the fulfillment of our desires! Our delight in Him is tied to our happiness and it is the meaning of our lives and that is why we cannot say that God's focus is not our happiness and that it's not the meaning of life. It is the VERY purpose for which we were created, to glorify Him by enjoying Him forever.
"As a dear pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you O, God, for the living God" Psalm 42:1-2. Need, want, I am joyful but I need to keep wanting. I am made to want, I am made to desire. I am made to seek happiness. Joy is to help me supernaturally when I cannot be happy because of the effect sin has had on God's intent for happiness ORIGINALLY. The main effect of sin and fallenness here is sorrow, loss, bad health and pain. God intended for us to be happy, but he also intended for us to be righteous. We are no more happy through our day than we are righteous. This does not mean he did not intend these things for us, that they were not his focus and goal, it means we are in a fallen state. Does God want you to be happy all day? Yes, I say that he does (well, the bible says that he does, he commands happiness). Can you? No. Why? Because of sin from which we are freed in our position with Christ but from which we still suffer the effects, not on our souls, but on our minds and bodies. Does God want you to be righteous all day? Yes, I say that he does (well, the bible says he does, he commands righteousness). Can you? No. Why? Because of sin from which we are freed in our ...okay..you get it.
In conclusion (on this point anyway...):
Happiness was the focus of God for us. It still is. He works all things for His glory and His glory defines that we should be happy. Sin corrupted that (as he allowed, but that is ANOTHER blog theme!). His Son brought redemption we call joy. It's a love relationship he wants with His created, a desire that we should want to be happy because He is our Happiness, our fulfillment of ongoing desire. He wanted so badly to redeem our intended happiness that he sent His son not only to bring us the balm of joy, but to restore our continual fulfillment of desire...our happiness. This is why I cringe when we say "God's focus is not on our happiness and it is not the meaning of life." Oh, but good Christian it is! The elements of happiness that were intended for the Christian is something I propose that the enemy does not want us to see because it would catapult our view of God to a level he can't handle. It would make us motivated beyond measure to delight and enjoy God. It would make us his biggest threat. He wants us to call it bad and throw it out along with the precious life changing truth that it holds for us.
So, what is our problem as Christians?
We don't enjoy God. (and yes, I post that black because it is bleak indeed)

..and that is where we will pick up next time.

(Note: if you are not all ready, I cannot urge you enough to pick up a copy of John Piper's book "Desiring God". There is so much more above, beyond and around this topic than I address here. In fact, I'm really taking a rabbit trail off of my thoughts from the book. Piper does not even get into the difference of these terms but there is so much more there to understand that I will be talking about here)

Keeping Blogging Safe With Using Pics

I just saw a post of someone who sadly had to delete their blog out of concern for their images being stolen. It made me think that those getting started in the blog world may want some tips on this subject.
On posting:
Don't tag your family photos! Don't use expression words or their names. These will cause them to come up in google searches that many people (including me) use to decorate their blog.

On Finding Pics:
Once of the easiest ways to have a picture for your story is to search for one on the web. It is completely legal to use these AS LONG AS THEY ARE NOT COPYRIGHTED. There is a search index that you can use that will filter out the ones you may not use for you. That way you can have many fun images to add to your blog without getting into trouble. It's called Google's Image Search and you can learn about the details here. It talks about how to check your images before you use them.

Hope that helps.

Saturday Scraps

I have to be honest, I'm more anxious to get on in the stimulating discussion previously posted but you know me, I come up with these things and it being only the second Saturday, I shall delight in reflecting! To hear about my inspiration for Saturday Scraps go here.

• Got worried about my brother- Some of you saw my post to ask for prayer for my brother and I posted update on comments but I'll let you know here that he is better. It's very hard for my mom, and me for that matter to have him so far away but the ministry ranch he lives at is so perfect for his somewhat independent life that he wants, that it's just the best arrangement. The scary thing about his situation is that his body will start to shut down as he gets older. Living years on meds for his cerebral palsy will start to show up in different ways in his health as he grows older.

• On Monday, my good friend and I took our sons and her new baby to Monteray Bay Aquarium. We had a blast. It was good to be with our boys. She had invited us since our older kids had been at camp in the summer and she had passes but when we tried to go then, her toddler got sick (she has 5 kids) so this was the fulfillment of a raincheck trip. Look for more pics to come!
• Princess had her first game (and Lilo wanted to grace the picture, which she does of course, and btw we call this her "Where's Waldo Goes To Prison" shirt...lol..:)! She did not get to play but hey, she was there. Her grade is kind of the back up team. I just thought she looked so cute in her uniform which I had to tweak for the blog, sorry. OH, and on that note, the kids will be going back to their code names from my other blog SFE that is closed now. There are new followers here and I'm excited they come by but I think it's time to go incognito:)
• The storms hitting our California dry lifestyles was thrilling but a little scary. It was an adventure not having a car and navigating rides and walking in it at times to school and once to work. As I was walking I contemplated how wimpy I was. I was pleased in a way that Superkid was home sick for two days so we could enjoy the storms together. He had a fever all day on Wednesday and lay on the couch watching movies and staring out at the storms.
• God is challenging me this week. Challenging me to dig deeper, be wiser, and more than anything to be humble. I sometimes get frustrated with my own personality that wants to shout things from the rooftop when they are impressed upon me and I have to slow down and be mindful that the very way I go about these things could take the glory AWAY from God or mess up the message entirely. Human communication is difficult to navigate well. The journey in these lands always swells my heart like nothing else, it is sheer delight and happiness, and yes an emotional experience to dive into the ways of my Heavenly Father and His intentions for his created ones. This song swells my heart and comes to mind often:

Side Note:
Did you know that Newsboys is loosing their lead singer Peter Furler and they are replacing him with Michael Tait from DC Talk!? Its a little strange since I've been a fan since I was a kid and all ready had a hard time when they lost their OTHER lead singer John James. He, John, had a great calling to preach and I'm sure Peter has a good reason too but I don't know if Newsboys will be the same after this. I love Michael and his independent stuff has been great too but I'm just finding it an odd match. Well, it's "In The Hands Of God" as they would say:)

• New Blog! Nope, not from me...don't sweat. :) My best friend growing up (I say growing up but I mean mainly in my final high school years which were homeschooling) was a guy (so I actually consider him my brother in heart) and he married a beautiful, talented, and interesting lady named Erin. Erin has a new blog called Epicurean Travels and it's about their family's tradition of picking countries and cooking something new from there. It's going to be really fun to follow I think. I love foreign food so much though so it's right up my alley.



• I went in to Superkid's class again yesterday to help give the end of the week assessments. I was just so tickled by this I had to share. I call the students back to a table with me, and they read thier sight words for the week and their pheonitic words. This week they had some contractions and the new concept of the e at the end making the vowel say it's name. So, with each child I reminded them of these helping hints before they read thier six words or so to me. With one child I said "now here you are going to have the e that.....?" and said child so charmingly and unknowingly responded: "makes the i say your name." OH>>>>LOL! NO! I didn't laugh out loud! But I did inside, and then I tried to fight off the song starting to play in my head "Say my name, say my name...." :)

Does God Work For Our Happiness? Christian Hedonism Part 1

Sometimes I feel that we get in these modes as believers where we know the ropes and the rules and we just want to keep pressing on as we know it instead of being challenged to learn new things. I don't fit well in those circles because I have AMAZING joy in learning crazy new things about God. Things that hurt my brain to talk and think about. Things that I've not heard discussed yet in Christian circles. Things that people like Lewis and Piper blow my brain with and challenge me that THERE IS EVEN MORE! OH HOW I LOVE THAT ABOUT GOD! In fact it is the very essence of my discussion here, the very seeking for these pleasures from God, desiring Him, wanting more. To be totally content in Him and yet desire more is the foundation of happiness in Him and from Him.

I want to ask some questions. I want to enter a theological gym of sorts and do some stretches and some painful muscle building. I invite you to enter with me, and to challenge me in any way. I invite discussion and humble hearts who long to banter about the issues of our very existence. Doesn't that sound exciting!? Well, it does to me and you came by my blog so ...here we go:)

What is happiness?

What is joy?

Are they the same?

Is happiness even important to Christians?

Does God long for us to be happy?

Does he long for us to be joyful?

What do they mean?

Is our happiness on God's priority list?

What does the world define as "happy"?

Is it wrong to want to be happy?

Is it a right or a God given desire?

How has sin tainted this desire like it has so many others?

These are the things I want to talk about. This will take a while, and yes, I'm a wife and mother of three children and I work a small job for 2 hours a day. So, I'm not in a hurry to get through this. I WILL get through it though because I feel it is vital to the Christian walk. I think it's something we are missing.

Want to know where to start to get going? Go to http://www.desiringgod.org/ and read about Christian Hedonism. Or, pick up the book "Desiring God" by John Piper.

What inspired this?

I read a lovely Christian woman state that "we think we deserve happiness" and "our happiness is not God's focus and it is not the meaning of life". Although I completely understand where she was coming from and the validity of her statements (and trust me, they ARE valid and true in the sense she intended them), my soul cringes when we say these things. The reason is not because she is wrong but because there is SO MUCH MORE that IS important on the issue of happiness and unfortunately we as Christians stop at this and don't go on into the rest of it. We get this, as stated above, and we get the concept of joy. Those spiritual muscles are stretched and built and we think we are done. We are not. In between there is a whole element that is glorious about God. It comes down to understanding what he has instilled in us when he made us. It comes down to understanding definitions and where they are wrong.

I tell you, I know God wants us to be happy and I think we have thrown the baby out with the bathwater when we shun this word entirely. I will talk about why and how. I will be bold enough to say that God's whole plan was and is for our happiness. Joy, yes, but even happiness. We have to be willing to erase cliche thoughts and go back to the drawing board of EVERYTHING having to do with why we are here and how He is redeeming us back to himself. Like said, it's a lot but believe me when I say, your joy will be made full if you journey with me. It will be embellished in a way you never knew. I'm not the most knowledgeable on these things though so I'm just hoping to inspire and get you started. Seek the word, we will here. Read Lewis, we will be quoting his thoughts for sure, and please, please read John Piper. God has given this man a great gift of deeper thinking into the scripture that continually challenges me and makes God bigger in my thinking than He ever was before.

I'll start you off with this poem to ponder. I look forward to the journey.

When God at first made man,

Having a glass of blessings standing by,

Let us (said he) pour on him all we can:

Let the world's riches, which dispersed lie,

Contract into a span.

So strength first made a way;

Then beauty flowed, then wisdom, honour, pleasure:

When almost all was out, God made a stay,

Perceiving that alone of all his treasure,

Rest in the bottom lay.

For if I should (said he)

Bestow this jewel also on my creature,

He would adore my gifts instead of me,

And rest in Nature, not the God of Nature:

So both should losers be.

Yet let him keep the rest,

But keep them with repining restlessness;

Let him be rich and weary, that at least,

If goodness lead him not, yet weariness

May toss him to my breast.

George Herbert

Prayer For My Brother

Many of you know my brother. He was having seizures one after the other the other day and they took him to the hospital. They checked and his med levels were low. They got him back on track and sent him home. Then he got the flu with bad vomiting. If you follow that through you know that having cerebral palsy and seizing and vomiting all together can be a dangerous situation. My mom is trying to trust God for his safety and healing right now as the Christian ranch he lives on is too far away for her to just hop in the car and go. He has been having a rough time and not wanting to bug his staff in the middle of the night when he gets sick. He's had to clean up his own mess and try to remake his bed and everything because he did not want to wake them. They told him today to make sure and let them know, so I'm hoping he will do that.
Pray God keeps him safely through this bad sickness and that his body levels out. Thank you.

Thankful Thursday: Shelter

It's Thursday and I'm thankful for shelter! There are many reasons. I've been pondering on the people of Haiti and their great loss of shelter, on our storms and the two new leaks in my house that remind me how much the rest of it keeps out, and on the shelter of God's almighty hand.

So many are left without shelter now. So many like Job have had everything stripped away from them. John Piper posted a poem he wrote in his pondering on Haiti:

Jesus in Haiti
After the Earthquake

Do you consider safety, or your health,
A sign from me?
I am not awed by might, nor struck by wealth,
Or poverty.

O, I am struck! And crushed. Buried, I wince,
And dying, pray,
A sympathetic Priest in Port-au-Prince,
Even today.

But there, in those United States the boot
Is on my face.
“Saul, Saul,” I ask, “Why do you persecute
And not embrace?”

Your King, I lift my arms to you in peace
And patient grief;
And summon now to Haiti enemies
For my relief.

I find that a very powerful poem. "why do you persecute and not embrace?" is so striking to some who have responded so arrogantly in the Christian media. I'm thankful for other Christian leading men who have risen to show a more Christlike attitude. The last line is the most powerful however "and summon now to Haiti enemies for my relief". It's amazing that God will use those who don't know him even when we who sometimes do not rise to the occasion. It's incredibly convicting. May we not put our boot to the very face of Jesus by not helping the helpless.

Yes, our house has a few more leaks. We will need to do some serious patching once the weather dries but last time I found a leak I just freaked out and felt so discontent with my home. This time I was immediately thankful for how safe and dry we WERE inside here! I've been impressed with the blessing of shelter, and warmth, of dry blankets and warm food. There is so much to be thankful for. Yet I also have to remember to hold even all that I have with an open hand.

Above all, oh, I'm so thankful for the shelter of God's provision of himself. Not really just what he gives me to take care of me, shower love on me, or meet my needs, but the very provision of himself, of the revelation of my need for Him and the solution of His Son to provide it.

"But let all who take refuge in you be glad,

Let them ever sing for joy;

And may you shelter them;

That those who love you may exult in you."
Psalm 5:11

The reason I'm thankful for it is because it is the one thing that cannot be taken away. This of course parallels my thoughts reading Job as I shared in the previous post. God sheltering us means one thing and one thing only. It is not defined by his provision here on earth, though He may give it. It does not mean continued health here on earth, though He may give it. It is not wrapped up in funds for our next need, though He may give it. It is fully and completely the gift of Himself, which is the shelter or the resting place that perfectly fits the one thing we really truly and only need. Love for God breeds joy, unstopped and untainted by the lack for anything else. That is a basis for continued thanks in my soul.

So, I pray for those without shelter, be they in California in the storms, or in Haiti. I pray the Lord will provide their needs and send His people out to help them. I pray even more that men will find the shelter of their souls in these times of loss AND in the times of plenty. The shelter that cannot be taken, and the shelter from eternity past, and our portion forever.

"Who Ever Perished Being Innocent?"

I'm in Job Chapter 4-7 today and it's a doosie to contemplate. It's full of so many layers it makes me want to stop in my chronological reading and fine tune study it for a while. I'm so thankful for my John MacArthur study bible at this point as a starter to sifting through the confusing poetry phrased words in these chapters. Yet, it's so important because it's so profound! This passage of scripture just blows the prosperity gospel out of the water entirely.

Before I start though I have to take note of what I find to the most profound thing. Job never states that these afflictions are from the enemy. He acknowledges right off that they are from God. He is completely unaware of the scene in heaven where God instigates the misery brought upon Job and yet, he never seems to assume wrongly where they come from. This astounds me. I'm not even able to absorb the complete significance of why it astounds me. It has taken me many years to understand the concept (and much through the book by Jerry Bridges called "Trusting God") that EVERYTHING is sifted through and therefore from the very hand of God. We silly Christians even use the phrase "the devil's on my back" to understand why we are suffering or being tried. Job never mentions the devil and yet he is thrown into a pit I could never attempt to understand.
His friends are with him in this understanding but their perspective is way different. They credit God with these afflictions as well but from the standpoint of them being judgement for sin. More on that coming.

The very title of Chapter 4 in my bible startled me before I read anything: "Eliphaz: Innocent Do Not Suffer". I know even from my own experience of my father dying so young with cancer that this was not true. I want to walk step by step though what he says:

• He breaks his 7 day silence (can you see that scene? they arrive as his friends are just speechless for a week at the level of his suffering) by affirming that Job is wise and has had the strength to encourage and uplift many who have suffered before him but now that bad has come to him, Eliphaz concludes that he is impatient and dismayed. My first reaction to Eliphaz is "you just don't get it do you!?", but then, even I would not get it. Still, how insensitive! How dare he be impatient in his suffering! How he should bear it better and more nobly! How can he let his pain bring dismay? Are you kidding me? I like what John MacArthur says in my study commentary "Unfortunately, with the opening of their mouths for the first speech, all the wisdom of their silence departed."
• HERE is the verse that irritated me the most: vs. 7 "Remember now, who ever perished being innocent?" MacArthur states: "Eliphaz, recognizing Job's 'fear of God' and 'integrity' was likely encouraging Job at the outset by saying he wouldn't die because he was innocent of any deadly iniquity, but must be guilty of some serious sin because he was reaping such anger from God. ...He had oversimplified God's pattern of retribution. This simple axiom, 'the righteous will prosper and the wicked will suffer,' does not always hold up in human experience. It is true that plowing and sowing iniquity reaps judgment, so Eliphaz was partially right, but not everything we reap in life is the result of something we have sown. Eliphaz was replacing theology with simplistic logic. To say that wherever there is suffering, it is the result of sowing sin is wrong. (Ex 4:11, Jn 9:1-3)"
• He states that the wicked may be strong but they are defeated. In this he is right but he is using this experience to explain another which does not always work.
• Eliphaz claims to have had some vision or dream where a messenger brought him divine revelation to back up his thoughts here.
• The next section of verses I'd like to research more (vs. 17-21) but John MacArthur's conclusions are: "vs 17- here is the conclusion of Eliphaz's revelation- that Job suffered because he was not holy enough, not righteous enough. vs17-21 This is the content of the message which is, in effect that God judges sin and sinners among men as He did among angles (vs.18 cf. Rev 12:3,4)
• From here Eliphaz, I feel, kind of insults Job's theological intelligence. He tells him in summary to not be foolish and forget that sin will be punished and that every man is sinful inevitably. Eliphaz felt the solution was a needed repentance on the part of Job before God. Eliphaz emphasizes God's greatness and goodness to show his moral perfection and man's lack of righteousness. What's amazing here is that everything Eliphaz says is true! Yet, he has not judged the situation wisely. He has assumed God's motives and Job's heart condition (boy, doesn't this sound recently familiar in the news? Though I think our Eliphaz could be called Pat) He goes so far as to say that if Job would just do this, he would be happy again. "You know Job, God works like this: you did A, God does B, you repent for A and that will equal C" I just love that God does not like to be predictable, but He is ALWAYS good. He really does not like us to shrink him to formulas.
• Eliphaz tops it all with a very biblical cherry on top. He parallels Lv 26 by lamenting on how the faithful will prosper. He tells Job he will be secure, happy and rich again if he does this repenting. Again Job, if you just would follow the formula! Again, the concept is a correct one but, again Eliphaz is assuming this is the only way God could bring such pain. There had to be a just reason such as unfaithfulness and the solution had to be as easy as restoration. This thinking Eliphaz here I think is dangerous and is the basis of the prosperity gospel of today. If we belong to God, we are sure to prosper. But, that is another blog for another day.
• I'll finish this off with again what John McArthur says because I love it: "On top of his physical misery and his tempting wife, he had to respond to ignorance and insensitivity from his friend, by expressing his frustration" . That is what followed in Ch 6.

Job's response in Ch 6 is indeed grumpy. Or at least that is how we read it. I wonder if his friends had not been even more of a burden, if it would have been any more calm. Probably not. I actually do see these friends words to him as being what we would call "insult to injury" for Job though and part of his trails. Just as it was to specifically take his loving children but LEAVE him his awful wife! Not only have you lost all, been placed in beyond bearable pain and infirmity, but now your friends are telling you that you have a sin problem. Oh, man, Job. His response is to just wish for God to finish what he has started and get it over with. Yet, I find it amazing that he vents that without an ounce of anger toward God for what he has done to him. That is one of the most challenging thing to get in this! In a sense I think Job felt that God knew why he was doing what he did so he better just get it done because the doing didn't feel good at all! Job was beyond social propriety and trying to put on a happy face. He probably had no resolve left to be polite to their arrogant judgements. We are reminded in vs. 10 that his faith in God is still firm and steady. He was confused why this was happening to him since he had kept the commands of the Lord and they were precious to him. He admonishes his friends for not being more kind to him even if he HAD forsaken God. He points out that he was not even asking to be delivered (which they are trying to tell him the solution so he can be thus delivered) but to have some sympathy and since they did not give him that he says they are no help.

Job is an incredibly profound book. It has a lot to say to our theology. It takes us to the place many people don't want to go. The place in heaven when the God you love and serve faithfully would indeed present the idea of your testing in such insufferable ways. When my dad slowly faded away physically I was impacted with this and what Job later says "though he slay me, yet I serve Him". Do you know what Job points to because of this? The very foundation of our human existence. God created us with a desire for Him. NOTHING can take that away from us, not even what He may choose to let be done to us. We are created to be reconciled to Him and the book of Job proves that our faith in that is bigger than ANYTHING else. It is all set up at the beginning. Satan felt that Job's faith was only because God did good things for him. God was not about to let humanity forever think that way either. It's much deeper than that, it's about our need that can only be filled by Him. Him taking us in, Him restoring us to himself. No prosperity can fill that need and when Job was stripped of every thing a man could hold, save his very life (which, mind you, and notice, Job was willing to give that up to and quite anxious for it knowing God was beyond that), THAT was still his fulfillment. THAT was what God wanted to prove to Satan....BECAUSE IT'S POWERFUL....BECAUSE IT'S UNSHAKABLE...BECAUSE IT'S WHAT WE CANNOT PROCURE FROM OURSELVES.

There are so many lessons here.

Saturday Scraps

For a while I've been wanting to do a blog about what has been rattling around at the top of my head all week. I did not know just how to do it. Saturday mornings are the only morning the kids and I act like bums for a few hours. Rick works on Saturday first of all so we don't have the normal day off that many people around us do. So, we don't hurry to get the day going. The only to-dos we have are chores. The kids have a tradition of cartoons on one of the two stations we do get and some what we call "Saturday morning cereal" which usually is something like Coco Puffs or Lucky Charms. We don't get them every Saturday but most.
So, while they chill in their jamies I usually have my coffee and get on the computer. It makes a good time to gather those scraps together.

• I'm really enjoying the chronological reading. I'm so impressed with the issue of time. How big a barrier time is to our trust in God. Perhaps it's impressed upon me because I struggle with impatience. Looking at the bible God seems to move like a Dinosaur! Everyone in the stories struggles to wait on God and his promises. Most of the trouble comes from women trying to make things happen on their own. Yet, God still uses their meddling for all his purposes. Joseph is impressing me the most lately though with his willingness to be and do whatever the Lord puts him in and to respond trustworthy at any level of responsibility. He had such cause to be bitter for all the wrong done to him and yet he escapes this sinful attitude by continually keeping his eyes on God. He seems of higher integrity than even King David to me in many ways. Back to the timing issue as well, I was hit with the significance of that band of Ishmaelites on camels that came by and bought Joseph from his brothers. Somehow my mind took me right into that scene. Who could know that those camel hoofs as they hit and shuffled the sand, were moving history. They were ushering in the transfer of the whole nation of Israel in Egypt. God knew what was going to happen and I'm sure every hoof and every clink of coins as they were transferred must have rung in his ears. It would save the nation from dispersing itself through marriage to outsiders and redistribution of the people to new lands. It would gather them and purify their lineage but it would also bring them under great oppression for so many years. Those camels brought on their backs, a new large and significant chapter in the history of God's people. The starting thread to a great tapestry.


• I'm very disappointed with Pat Robertson and his tactless insensitivity. I don't like when Christians give the enemy fuel to feed a fire of hatred against God's people. I also don't enjoy the words he used to say that the Devil was responsible for the events against the French in that country. Satan does nothing unless God allows him and people cannot have things they want to happen happen by going to Satan and him saying "okay". Pat made Satan look powerful and God look like the impersonal crushing giant standing in heaven and saying "there you go...bam!" We can never presume what God's decisions are regarding a nation unless he tells us himself. In the OT he does do that. He says he destroyed a people because... but if he does not say, we don't dare guess at his ways. I do know that the heart of Christ weeps for these. Just as he does for every injustice, every deep painful loss, every natural disaster. The whole earth is under the curse still and all of creation cries out for relief from it. I'm sure he weeps at what the effects of that curse results in on those he created. We know that it was that love for us for which he came to die. This disaster could happen to any people at any time and God would sorrow to see it happen on any of us. It makes me remember and be thankful that he has a plan to redeem it all. "For behold, I make all things new". Pat Robertson made me feel like I was in the temple hearing the two men pray that Jesus spoke of. One who said "thank you Lord that I am not like that man, filthy and unrighteous" and the other man who beat his chest and wept and tore his clothes before God for his unrighteousness but deep desire to be saved. Jesus told us which one the Father heard.


• I've been struggling with a bizarre health problem. In early December I had woke up with a seriously painful stiff neck. It was equal on both sides and I could hardly turn it at all. It was not like you get when you sleep wrong, it was way more painful than that. It was some of the worst pain I've every felt and I've had three kids. A week later I had a huge swollen gland in my under arm that was so painful but the neck was better so I was thankful. The swelling was there about a week also and began to move down my arm with the pain. After a few more days I could not stretch my arm out palm up all the way or stretch it out above my head all the way. I finally decided to see the doctor the week after Christmas. He put me on antibiotics for 10 days thinking it was an infection in my glands. I did not notice any difference except that I could stretch it a little more out. About this time I began to battle some real fears as to what was going on in my body. I spiked a strange high fever for 24 hours as well that had no other symptoms. After seeing my dad slowly fade away and die at 54 of cancer, I knew that nothing was guaranteed me. I also knew it was probably nothing and these thoughts battled themselves out in my mind over and over. I would think things like "that's it, I just need someone to do a full body MRI to make sure I don't have cancer" and then the Lord would speak to my heart and say "I know exactly what is going on in your body, and they could do all those tests and still not see what I may be able to see". The doctor saw me again and ordered an ultrasound on my arm. It was to make sure there were no blood clots. It was fine but there was still this long hard vein in my arm that was sore and knotted inside in places (very tiny but you could feel it on the outside). He put me on a 10 day regiment of aspirin and I have noticed a slight improvement in the vein. I'm still not sure whats causing it or if there is a bigger problem but this Focus on The Family was just for me. You have to listen. A mans healing is caught on audible recording. He was just in the middle of talking about healing and how God does whatever is best for His glory. That he sometimes heals and sometimes does not. In the middle of talking you can hear him being healed. I love how he tells Dobson at the end that if we could see the purposes of God in our problems we would probably be more willing to go through them. Yet, isn't that what faith is? Falling on the certainty of the goodness of God.

I think that's it for this week. At least all that's worth a spotlight....the rest is random jumbled mess!

Thankful Thursday: Yes, I'm Thankful For The Public School

I've decided to devote my Thankful Thursday (which I've not been remembering to post enough, sorry!) to something on my heart. I've pondered and prayed about the emotions this conjured up in me and the Lord has convicted me to deal with it from a grateful heart.

I read this on someones facebook pages as a group description they had joined.

"So-called "public schools" are, in fact, "government schools." "They are operated by the government, using government employees, on property owned and controlled by the government, using government funds. Supporters of this destructive system would object to such candor, of course, since most Americans know that to identify something as a "government institution" is to brand it inefficient at best, destructive at worst. Child abuse is neither always obvious or intentional. The most rampant form of child abuse in this country is not only legal, but committed routinely. It is the act of taking what arguably is, or should be, the most precious things in your life--your children--and placing the responsibility for their education in the hands of the government."

I don't think I took that wrong when I read it to mean that I was exposing my children (or bringing it about myself) to child abuse by having them in public school. This hurt my spirit so much as a fellow member of the body of Christ.

It hurt me not because I care what men think, even Christians because see, I answer to two others above all these. (1) I answer to God who distinctly led us into the public schools all be it shocking to me and crushing to my legalistic presumptions about going public, and (2) I answer to my husband who decided this was best for our family at this time.

God would NEVER lead us into sin, NEVER. God would never lead us into abusing our children. One cannot say that attending a government school is child abuse (and therefore sinful) if they are not willing to say that all governmental institutions are sinful. Is sending your child to a state college sinful? Is it child abuse because it's government?

Is a single mother abusing her children by sending them to school when she has no husband and therefore has to work? If it is not sinful for that situation, then it is not for any family with these options. Though her reasons are desperate and extreme they are a good guideline to tell us if something is sinful or not. The family unit may have it's own less dramatic reasons for being led into the public schools. Sin is always wrong across the board. It is always clear and not altered by motive.

That is all I will say on that. I have a tender spot for this having journeyed through it and I want to be careful to be gracious though my emotions are in tumult at such "Christian" attitudes.

So...I am thankful:

• I am SO thankful for the journey the Lord has us on right now. Every day I keep an open heart and ponder what the next step is. Is it to have them back home? Is it to stay where they are? Is it for one of them to come home? What do you want Lord? I'm willing to do any of those if the Lord leads. I know His way is joyful.


• I am thankful for our little town and how close the school is to home.


• I'm thankful for great teachers, and I'm not just saying that. Each year the Lord has provided wonderful teachers for the kids so far, and guess what? I trust him to do that as long as he wants them there. Now, a bad teacher may not mean that it's not still God's will, it may mean a new challenge for us as a family and for our child. That is why we will seek him every step along the way. He will bless when we do what He wants, not what we want. To obey is better than sacrifice! Isn't it true though that sacrifice fulfills our sense of righteousness though? We feel good that we have given up something for the Lord. That may not be the sacrifice he wants us to make and obeying him is always a sure way to know what He wants.


• I am thankful for how public school has changed our family. We are able to relax more as a family and talk about life and God. Rick and I are able to have time together that we never had. My sanity level is so much better and have learned so much more what it means to trust the Lord with my children. When a homeschool mom teaches, she sacrifices ALL her time for this goal, and that is not easy. When a public school mom sends her kids in the Lord she sacrifices ALL control on what the Lord allows in their hours away. That may sound trite if you are on the homescool end and you may say "oh, that's nothing!" but trust me, it is.


• I am thankful for the branching out into the community that this has allowed us to do. Although being salt and light was not our mission statement, it is, now that we are called, a real joy to see happen. I truly trust that the exposure and challenges we face are preparing my children even now for the exact purposes God has for them in His kingdom. If I were to hold back, I would stand in His way.


• I'm thankful for the homeschooling years we had! They were great! That is until the Lord began to show me that a change was needed. That is not to say that a rough day homeschooling is a sign that you should stop. We have bad days in public school too! I go to the Lord with all of those and wait on Him. No hasty decisions, just waiting on His lead.


• I'm thankful for our freedom as Americans! We have the right to teach at home! Praise the Lord. We have the right to take part in an institution put together by our government! Praise him still. We are not shut out from those places because of our faith and that is freedom! Again I quote something that meant a lot to encourage me a few years ago by a mom blogger "we seem to want to keep God in the schools but take Christian kids out of them". Oh, dear, what sadness. If the Lord takes me back out, I pray he sends others in! Christian kids and parents ARE Christ in the public schools.

I have a heart to encourage other mom's to be open to God's leading. We serve Him before any man or woman. People will create legalistic boundaries, God will break them down. He will send us everywhere, teach us all things, call us out, put us back, use us in every way. He does not expect us to look the same, march the same, or be afraid of those who don't and who need Him. If you are a mom struggling with schooling decisions, I encourage you to pray and then speak to your husband about your concerns either way. Let God be the author of your children's education, not you, and not the government, GOD. HE does all things well.

NOTE: If the above quote is intended to mean only that the government requiring public school for children then the abuse is on our rights to freedom, not to children. It is not abusive to a child to have him in a school, it is an abuse to take away our freedom to have him at home.

From The Pantry Day 12: A Not So Great Update (and a bizzare story)

Got a little off track the challenge.
We decided to dive right into some overhauling organization which left the kitchen neglected. I should have cleaned the kitchen before I started the projects. (Note to self). It's so true that the kitchen in the heart of the home and if the heart is not functioning properly then you can't do the rest efficiently. My lack of efficiency led to Taco Bell.
At Taco Bell we met and gave a ride to a crazy lady who turned out to be very famous. I wrote a note of the whole story on Facebook (if you are on my fb, go to my profile to read) but did not want to post it here because I don't want all these other people who run into her to find my blog in their google search (which so many of them do) after their strange encounter with her and her crazy letters.
Then, I got side tracked yesterday googling some of her information and a valid name and address on her letters that led me to mind blowing information that m_i_n_d r_e_a_d_i_n_g through m_i_c_r_o_w_a_v_e technology is a real and ongoing study for use in weapon development. It was blowing my mind to know this woman may not have been just crazy, but really a victim of non consensual experimentation. I was brave enough to email the woman she referenced and she wrote me back to tell me that this lady I helped has been trying to contact her for years and has all her medical bills sent to her. She said she cannot help her but there are organizations who can. This woman is head of a group to fight against rights being violated through these scientific experiments. Did you know Russia and the US have been in a race to develop this technology to it's fullest? Ironically she the crazy woman called her problem m_i_c_r_o_w_a_v_e 6_6_7 (spaced added by me to keep search engines from my blog. people DO google this stuff) It turns out that there is technology by Panasonic with this name. I don't have time in my SAHM domestic life to research this more but I felt it was a warning to know it's happening. I felt the numbers were one godly number off from things to come if you follow my thought. When God lifts his hand from man's limits, the day will come when technology unfolds in biblical ways. I'm sure many of you don't have the time to read the documentation on this occurance which can be found if you go here: (not a real link, you will have to transfer it, I'm again adding spaces) m_i_n_d_j_u_s_t_i_c_e_._o_r_g This is the site the woman referenced in the crazy ladies letters runs. Even easier, you can watch this youtube and hear the just of the idea and see the woman referenced, Cheryl W_e_l_s_h whom I contacted, in the video. The crazy woman writes things like "no one sees what's happening" and other things that do go along with these theories. I don't know what in the world happened to this lady. It's like I've been thrown in to a strange novel (which my friend now says I should write.....IN MY SPARE TIME) or an episode of Dateline. Draw your own conclusions
(watch the whole thing if you watch any, it gets more important as you go)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7apZl_lt0A

So, anyway, back to reality. (though that may be reality too) I am trying to get back on track. We only ate out once and got pizza once but it's bothering me that I'm not staying on track. No more distractions about global conspiracy for me today.....just plain old, comforting housework. May the world continue to be crazy and going to pot, I've got my dishes to do.

BTW: the crazy lady is somehow tracked on this blog and there are copies of her disturbing documents she hands out. We gave copies to the police but I'm sure they just figure it's another crazy. Some of the documents contain upsetting material. Just remove dashes for the blog address:
a_o_w_f.blogspot.com

Beauty And The Beast: Pantry Day 7

This challenge is kicking me in the batootie. It's become clear that there had to be some things made for quick grab and lunch additions. That meant baking. I don't enjoy baking. Why you may ask? The MESS! I just don't get this mess from cooking. I started with a messy kitchen anyway since no one wanted to detail the kitchen after 12th night last night.
What I procured?



A double batch of Pumpkin Muffins and Granola. Doesn't sound like much does it?



Well....



Here is the beauty.....
(no pic of the granola..sorry)

And THIS ladies and gentlemen.....

Is THE BEAST!

Can someone please come and help me tame the beast!!!? Cause right now I'm throwing my head back, stomping my "I don't wanna!" foot and whining like my tween daughter.

DARN THIS PANTRY CHALLENGE...

Starting To Make Good On 2010

I spoke about my dreams for the new year a while back. This year I really want to blog about how they are coming to be. That helps keep them at the forefront of my mind as well. So, I have a few updates and then some pictures to share.

I said I wanted to run....

I've been invited to join a friend running a 5k (3 miles) through wine country on March 21. I've chosen this running plan to train once I'm feeling better, which I'm hoping will be in just a few days. I think this will be a great motivator for me to start and 3 miles does not sound too scary yet.

I said I wanted to read the bible chronologically.....

I have started this and have a widget on my side bar here on the blog with that reading plan. Feel free to follow along with me if you like. I just use the references, I don't like to read from the computer screen.

I said I wanted to remember birthdays and do something about it....

Today I'm not feeling well so I'm taking that time to pull out my 2010 calendar and write down upcoming birthday dates. I've all ready started a box for things I find, and am saving containers for things I can make.

I said I wanted us to be an active family....

On Sunday we had our first outing day. We took the kids to the coast for a long walk and beach combing time. At first it was great but as they got tired they started to get whiny about walking so long. They were also begging to get wet which I was not sure was a good idea at this time of year. Despite the dynamics not going so well as we got use to this type of outing together, I do think it was a good day and I know the kids will build their endurance as we do more. It was a long walk for starting out.

Just starting to get a bit tired...can you see the change in facial expressions?

Stopping for a break and some beautiful facial pictures.

I just can't believe she is this tall...I really can't.

Buddies.

There is something magical about Emma in piggies.

Another break, and another time to just enjoy the view.

A request to climb a few trees.

....and rocks.

They finally got to get their feet in at the end.
I was sitting watching them and thinking a lot about the sea. I just forget how much I love it.

Every time we go we say we need to come more often and this year we intend to make that happen.