Summer Book Club Plan and Schedule

Thank you for those of you who let me know you'd like to go through this book with me either in person or online. Click here if you don't know what I'm talking about!:) If you have not let me know you want to join in, comment here. There are four ladies who want to get together and at least two who are interested in following online. Pass the word on either way if you know someone who may want to join in!
For those of us getting together locally, here are the meeting dates:
June 11th
June 25th
July 9th
July 23rd
August 6th
August 20th (the reading plan actually ends Aug 14th but this gives some wrap it up time before our last meeting)

I cannot make the Aug 6th meeting because I'll be hopefully out of town spending five days ALONE with my husband for the first time in 13.5 years while our kids are at camp! YEAH! I still hope you ladies will meet. If there are any weird stalkers reading this hoping to rob my house, it's okay, you can have my 90's TV if you want it that bad.

The reading plan worked out so well! We are taking 11 weeks to do the study and there are exactly eleven sections to the book! Here it is:
June 1-5 - Intro and Section 1: Understanding the Problem of Evil
June 6-12- Section 2:Understanding Evil: It's Origins, Nature, and Consequences
(Meeting June 11th )
June 13-19th- Section 3: Problems for Non-Theists: Moral Standards, Goodness, and Extreme Evil
June 20-26th- Section 4: Proposed Solutions to the Problem of Evil and Suffering: Limiting God's Attributes
(Meeting June 25th)
June 27- July 3rd- Section 5: Evil and Suffering in the Great Drama of Christ's Redemptive Work
July 4th-10th- Section 6: Divine Sovereignty and Meaningful Human Choice: Accounting for Evil and Suffering
(Meeting July 9th)
July 11-17th- Section 7: The Two Eternal Solutions to the Problem of Evil: Heaven and Hell
July 18th-24th- Section 8: God's Allowance and Restraint of Evil and Suffering
(Meeting July 23rd)
July 25th- 31st- Section 9: Evil and Suffering Used for God's Glory
Aug 1-7th- Section 10: Why Does God Allow Suffering?
(Meeting Aug 6th)
Aug 8-14th- Section 11 and Conclusion: Living Meaningfully in Suffering/ Final Thoughts About God, Goodness, Evil, and Suffering
(Final Meeting Aug 20th)

The subject matter being so thought provoking as it is, I really recommend a blank journal for your thoughts. Just write down anything that comes so that discussion here or in the group can be more full as well. Sometimes you have a great thought and if you don't write it down, it's gone forever. I think personally, it would be good to write down what God is stretching you to know about him through the book too. Reading that later on will be good for you as well.

As far as blog posts go, I'm hoping to do one a week on each section. Between now and then I will have at least one related post to the upcoming reading, so check back if you want. Later on I will post the reading schedule and meeting schedule on the side bar for easier access.

Thankful Thursday

I was working on a deeper post yesterday but did not get it finished so I'm moving on. I'll have to finish it soon.

This week I'm thankful for many things!

• I'm thankful for our church camp out that went so well. Beside the fact that I was a very stupid mom and forgot that breezy and cold did NOT mean you could not get sun burnt, it was great. Now I have an exploded lip and cheek to remind me of the lesson I've learned. Emma had a rough time the last night and day but besides that it all went well and I'm very thankful for the Jordan's who let us borrow so much camping stuff we did not have.
• I'm thankful I went to see my MD for further help with my health problems because I was still having problems with loosing my appetite the moment I started eating which seemed bigger than just hormones and I was having other bodily problems the days the symptoms were there. The hormones were helping, I think, but I was still struggling. My MD has been my DR. since I was about 10 and is also my mom's doctor and was my dad's. He has seen our family through a lot and is a very gracious Christian man. He saw my family through my dad's tragic decline and passing and was convinced that my body had run out of serotonin over the last few years (to learn more about that go here). This can cause depression (which I was not experiencing) or adrenaline overload. My body was not handling stress well anymore on any level. When any level of adrenaline pulsed through my body it was over reacting with feelings of panic and symptoms of anxiety when I really had no reason to and did not feel worried or anxious at all. He did a good job of explaining to me how this works and is completely chemical in the brain. He agreed with the OB that my hormones were off and to still follow her advice but that this had to be addressed from both ends of the spectrum and it was all connected. Stressful events that you think you are getting through just fine at the time can come around and have effects you don't expect. Right after dad passed we transitioned from homeschool to public school, and felt led to pursue foster care training. The Lord lead us not to do the foster care when our finances got tighter and I'm thankful for that because I could never have known by body had had enough and would soon be showing signs of it. I am on a new medication and it seems to be helping very well. Today was a rough day but I'm thinking it's because I was feeling confident enough to have a full mug of coffee. I've felt off all day. My body still does not do well with much caffeine. This makes since knowing that coffee releases cortisol which spurs adrenaline and once again I'm reminded that I have to give this MORE time. I'm so thankful for this doctor's wisdom. I learned a lot, but still have a lot to learn. It looks like I need to make some good choices as far as what to take on and what not for a while.
• I'm thankful Emma's feeling better after the braces and teeth pulling the next week. She is a real trooper!
• I'm SOOOO thankful Rick's work gave him the time off to go camping with us. It would not have been as fun on my own Saturday.
• I'm thankful I work for a very nice lady. She is always looking out for me. This week she walked down to the bus stop to get the older kids (usually my job) so that I did not have to be out in the sun (yes, it's THAT bad).
• On that note, I'm thankful for healing! I hurt like you would not believe (there are way too many nerves in your lips....great for kissing but bad for burns) but I just keep realizing that my body is working hard to rebuild a whole new layer of lip!
• I'm thankful for some weightloss and my friend Trish and now Kendall who go to TOPS and spur me on.
• I'm thankful for forgiveness. That I receive it from Christ and that he gives me the call to give it over and over because he forgave me of so much and does still.
• Lastly, I'm thankful and encouraged for all you ladies who want to read Alcorn's book with me this summer! Thank you! I'm really looking forward to it!

Lilo Get's Braces!

It went well, she was excited to be there. She chose neon green bands but they are actually real cute since she has green eyes. She says she is not sore yet and it's about 4pm. We'll see how it feels tomorrow.

The second picture she was coming out of a cross eye face:*

Saturday Scraps: Catching Up

The last few Saturday's I've wanted to share pictures of the kids. If you are on my facebook you have seen some of them, but not all. I'm just going to post some highlights to catch up. Blogger tends to load pictures in reverse order so these are so not in sequence but I don't have the time to fix them.
This picture is actually from quarter 2 in Princess 6th grade year. I post it because I don't think I have yet, AND I don't have one of the ceremony yesterday when she got honor roll again. We are very blessed by her perseverance in her studies. In this area she is completely self motivated. I all ready knew that but I was still shocked when this quarter she told me her lowest grade was an A. I literally laughed and said "what was your highest then?" All other grades in all other subjects are A+'s. She is the only 4.0 student in her class and it's all on her own initiative. I don't know how she does it. I would have have died for those grades in 6th grade. To actually bring her grades up through the year as the material got harder, is just amazing.
One of Superkid's goofie pose for daddy pictures. He was using his camo Scooby Doo PJ's as an army costume.
With our former neighbor boy and fellow classmate up at the school. Who knew Spidie was a cowboy at heart?
Yesterday I had to comb through Superkids room. 80% of these rocks I found on his desk topped with the shocking chunks of asphalt I found the other day. As I said on my facebook presentation of this picture, this is the nature bucket now (no live creatures allowed).
Lilo is in the school GATE program and just before spring break they put on some skits for the kids of the school. Each skit was a fable with a moral to the story. Lilo was in two for the skits and was the announcer for one.

In this skit she was a pelican having tea with a friend.


Easter Sunday at church. Superkid and Lilo up front singing with their class.
They were a little nervous to be upfront:)
Superkid was to read a verse but his teacher is expressing surprise that he had it memorized. At the second service, he actually read it off the card. The first time around I think he was just happy to get through his first experience speaking in front of so many people.
Easter baskets before church. This year I went to the dollar tree and got something that could be used for something all year long instead of the traditional Easter basket.
My favorite Superkid pic of the season.
My favorite pic of the girls...their faces are so funny.
We used some vinegar this year and it really did make them brighter.

When you choose to do eggs at 9pm, you get crazy excitement and tiredness all together at one table.
Okay, now we are really looking at them backwards. The follow pics are our hike out at Salmon Creek falls. This was during spring break as well. We had a wonderful day out.






the goofieness never ends....







Quick heath update:
Thank you so much for those of you who have prayed for us! As of Monday the 19th, I will have been symptom free from the hormone problems! I'm trying not to get to excited yet but it does seem that the doctors advice of the estrogen is finally kicking in enough and my body is balancing out. The few days I started to feel better I really noticed a difference and felt like a different person I had not been for almost two months. I pray it does not come back again but I'm trying to be patient that it may. I've taken some steps to be healthier that I think are helping too. My other prayer is to be free of the patch once I check in with the OB on May 13th.

Lilo is about to take a new adventure though! She is getting braces for her cross bite! She is excited about getting them but does not really understand the hard work at maintaining and the serious lack of candy and gum this will mean (she is our major sweet tooth child). We are all going to support her by not having these things either and the kids will have to turn in their Awana and other candy for family ice cream now and then. She has to have her two baby eye teeth pulled on April 28th so if you think of it, please pray for her that day. She is very scared of getting this done. She has had a molar pulled and I think the memories from that are not good. It was such a blessing how this came about though! If I had been able to do a Thankful Thursday post, it would be about this. Rick took out a special payment plan through his work that allows us to pay monthly for this work to be done for Lilo, tax free. We too the plan out on the advice the Dr. gave us two years ago that we would need to do this work at 8 or 9 years of age. Rick had a deadline to sign up for it so he signed up before we did the consultation. The receptionist quoted him $4900 dollars. We did not realize that once you put this amount in, you cannot change it. You will be obligated to pay that money within a year whether you use it or not. It can only be used on medical or dental bills. It's been pulling $180 from each paycheck since Feb. I believe. Well, we had her checked to get going on this and the Dr. said we needed to preferably wait another year, and that it was best not to start now. Rick and I were beyond stressed. He did all he could to change the plan, back out of it, or anything. Nope, they don't let you change it or back out of it unless your child dies. We HAD to start, even if that meant that in a year it would have been discovered that all of this work was unnecessary and her mouth would have adjusted on it's own, or at least to have not needed so much bracing. We had to step out in faith to start and hope that God knew why this was happening this way, but we were sick about it.
This last week, I went in and the Dr. had just gotten Lilo's x-rays of her full mouth. A panorama view. He said to me "it's so good that we are starting because we would not have seen this". Her permanent eye teeth are fully rooted and cannot fit to come in. Her baby ones are not budging and the new teeth are about to try coming in on her upper pallet behind her current teeth. Had we waited a year, they would have come in, and we would have had to spend much more money getting them anchored and pulled forward. He said it sometimes even requires oral surgery. GOD, YOU ARE SO GOOD TO STRESS US OUT SOMETIMES! THANK YOU THAT YOU SEE! Now, because we were forced to start, she will get the baby teeth pulled so these puppies can come right in where they aught to.
So, on the 20th of April she get's her braces on, and on the 28th she get's her baby teeth pulled. So, she is going to be pretty sore. I'm having more of a problem that she won't look the same for a few years! She will have to wear a retainer for a long time after all this and even when it's done she may need work through her teens since there is so much adjusting to do and her mouth is not done changing anyway with her growth. There is another 10 or 12 year mouler that is all ready turned the wrong way and he says will have to be helped along. She did not get the blessing of a good set of teeth but I'm thankful we have a way to take care of this so she does not have problems in her adult years. Rick really needs to get work done that we really cannot afford now because he never had two permanant teeth that never came in the middle of his lower mouth. Because of this huge gap, his lower teeth are moving back and caving in. He almost looks like he has a front tooth missing by now. I worry about what it will mean as he get's older. So, maybe after we get Lilo squared away, we can start on his. There will be no fancy cars or anything like that in our near future! When they say that kids are expensive, this is what they mean. It's worth it though for her not to have problems later on. Her cross bite would mean that one whole side of her teeth will wear completley down and the other would be fine. It would eventually effect her eating.
We will try to get a picture of her before and after. Now days I hear they get to pick their band colors. If Lilo can do a rainbow, I bet she will try.:)

Mawage Is Wat Bwings Us Tugetha Tuday

The perfect marriage is the perfect joke. It does not exist. The sooner one settles that the better. There are things I would love to get the opportunity to do different, better, or without. But if someone told you, that without those problems, you would not be the people you are together today, would you trade it? No, I wouldn't. Here is the beauty of God's work in a marriage. The rest of the world has to face the challenge (and it's there, in every couple) without the hope of beauty from ashes. We get to see God work for our benefit through our failings. Holding on to us long and steady, holding us together when perhaps our own emotional hands have let go and given up, we are carried to a new place. Each place has a vista, a vantage point, a room with a view. This place is a chance to look back and see the dark blend with the brilliant and become beautiful. It's inspiration to go on, but not only inspiration, it's expectant excitement. If he can do this, what more can he do?! The day to day humdrum threatens to overshadow the excitement but these vista's are important to remember the daily is only one part of the bigger picture. Left to ourselves, we would seek our own and be fatally disappointed with each other that the other is not seeking our own the way we would like. With Him we begin to understand the deeper joy of seeking the delight of sacrifice. Christ is like the Phoenix for the marriage, he makes it raise up and soar when you thought it was done forever. Do you believe in magic? The magic of infatuation seems pale in comparison to this magic. It brings to life again and again, through grace, the "had enough" human reaction. It pushes us beyond ourselves to find there is more beauty to be had. It shows us that our needs are met fully in Him so that we can only give to each other. We bring nothing to this table of marriage except our problems but he prepares a banquet for us through is Son, to partake and enjoy in purity and commitment. HE allows us to see that Love is not what we thought it was. It is not what comes naturally (and what does should not be called love, for love never dies) but supernaturally. It is the eyes that let us love as we have been loved, knowing full well we will never measure up but we are chosen for each other so our measurements are insufficient. When we fill we are not a fit, he reminds us that he says we are so there is a way through. On the other side, again, the vista, we look back and are overwhelmed.

So, all joking aside, marriage is what brings us together today as it did this day 13 years ago. Because marriage is a reflection of Christ and his church and what he holds will never be let go of. Emotions falter, sometimes even to the darkest of degrees, but Love is what we have been given to have for each other from a source outside of ourselves. I know that when we come to him, he is an endless source to carry on. How delighted I am to carry on with you! I look forward to the future, and I hope it's long, but either way I know it will be fulfilling. Imagine the vista way down the road. That is a treasure we share together that no one else on earth can see. It's between you, me and Him and I will never trade it for anything else.

Today is the day we celebrate the vista, the beautiful view, that is this journey thus far. Happy Anniversary to my deepest friend, my constant, and my journeyman.

Saturday Scraps: Family Newsie Stuff

Isn't my title eloquent?



Mmmm....news...what's the news.....well, God is good and life is crazy, but you probably came by for more than that so....



Basketball is Over:(

Though Princess is a bit relieved I'm sad it's over. It was fun to see her push her lack of athleticism and have a chipper sense of humor after her practices surged her body with lovely endorphins. It taught me, a mommy of tween, soon to be teen, a lesson....make sure they get exercise. In fact, I decided if I see it in her that noticeably, I should be convicted to do it myself! It was fun to go to the games and hear Rick yelling out of excitement to be back in some form of sports arena again. Though at the time I confess, I may have begged him not to yell so loud. I was worried the coach would think he was trying to take over his position from the bleachers. It was fun to see her in uniform and get out there and give it a try. Coordination has never been her strong suit but she really got better as she practiced. She learned a lot of lessons I've written about in previous posts concerning doing it because you love it and not because the other girls tell you you are bad or awesome.


Superkid's Life Lessons

Well, you can probably tell, we are not against boys playing with toy guns at our house. This is Superkid and his neighbor friend who is also in his class at school. They play many afternoons.

Superkid is in a time of great stretching in his life. He has never been a big fan of going to school but right now he is really not liking it. Having been former homeschoolers we are very sensitive to watching for signs for God to tell us to stay or to bring one or any of them back home. His will is always working and we want to be sensitive to it. In fact, I read a Focus On The Family article once that I totally dissagreed with. It was saying that parents should consider well which option is for their family but to stick to one and be consistant. I don't think that is so. I think every year, and every child and sometimes every month in the year has be be handled with prayer for direction. So, I have been talking more with his teacher, and talking more with him, and being in the classroom. He just is in a severely apathetic mode about school work at all. He is struggling with it with his homework so it does not seem to be confined to the classroom. It really could be summed up in a stage of the severe "I don't wann's". He tells his teacher he is bored. Being that academically he is at the top of his class, this may very well be true but when he does his work he has been doing it sloppy on purpose and taking his time on purpose and not focusing on doing the work when the teacher is walking around helping others. It's really just a disobedient phase of the heart. He also decided recently that the items at "store" time (when they get to spend the points they earn each week) are not worth his trouble (he asked me if the teacher could give them real money so they could go buy something they really wanted....ha! I don't think the world works that way dear!) so he stopped trying to earn them. So, we had a talk about doing things right as unto the Lord and not for any earthly reward. It makes me thankful, thought it's challenging, when school brings up these heart issues that we have to deal with because I know the Lord is working in his heart. We could just as easily have the same problem at home with him deciding that was boring and not wanting to do his work for me either. Right now he has a fantasy idea of homeschooling and thinks it means getting to watch more movies and rest during the day, or play with his Lego's all day long. By this point in my parenting I have a better incite into this "grass is always greener" element and am not as easily swayed to make quick decisions by it.

So, half of it is his heart issues, but the other half is the decline of the public schools, plain and simple, especially when it comes to the early grades. In fact, Rick and I were talking that if we had any more kids younger, we don't know how they would survive, boys especially, in the classroom. It's not really the fault of our particular school but state legislators are to blame. The classroom sizes are crazy big, again, especially for this age. Last year Superkid's teacher had 15 or so kids, and this year there are 28-29. Next year she said they are projecting 30. Now, you can run a class of 4th, 5th or 6th graders at that number, but I don't believe in doing that for the young ones. I can attest, being the one to go in and give the assessments, that 2/3 of the class cannot read yet. The teacher is doing all she can but she is up against the obstacle of not enough resources, time, and one-on-one opportunities. Not to mention a plethora of parents who don't care and children who come from challenging circumstances such as exposure to drugs in uturo, fetal alcohol, and homes where reading to your kids just does not happen. With the class size that big, and the obstacles, THEN you have the state mandating what all to cram down their little throats in the time you have. There is not time for art or music or hands on learning, though I know some teachers at our school say fooie to the state because frankly, they are near retirement anyway and don't believe in the new philosophy of education. They (the state) don't realize they are drowning themselves because by pushing more, the kids are getting less. Especially at these ages when their brains are developing on many different levels and their information and learning are gleaned in many different ways. A kindergartner, 1st or 2nd grader does not learn efficiently by sitting in a desk for 6 hours and having you cram stuff into him all day by lecture, pen and paper. His brain just will block off 75% or so of what you dish out. Then, you move on, because the state tells you you have to and little Johnny didn't get what you last did so he is not anywhere able to get the next step. They end up floating around a early 1st grade level until their brains naturally catch up by means of every day life and experience really. The sad thing, is that once their brains wake up to some things, many important academic building blocks are missing for their further education and they end up either always being behind, or having to learn to wing it most of the time.

Where Superkid sits in his development is the only thing that keeps us from yanking right now, well, that and God's directing us. He gets the academics very well. He just needs more creative time. If he lacked in the academics I would have no choice but to bring him back home because he would NOT be getting the education he needed. Even the sweet Christian teachers that we love have their hands so tied (unless they are rebels at heart enough to not care like I said before). They are working with a near impossible set of circumstances.

So, we have been praying about this and right now we feel he should stay. Mainly because the lessons HE is needing to learn are in the area of listening to directions and being diligent in his school work. The scale is near tipping though and if it were not two months till the end of the school year, I may feel differently. I will not criticize parents who put their boys on meds because that is a personal decision but Rick and I agreed when we went home to public, that if he ever got to that "oh, he's ADD" point, and it effected his education, he would come home. Superkid is at that point (as it would be defined medically, but we happen to think it's more the way God created boys) but he is a reclusive ADD (if we were going to label, which we aren't), meaning that he sits there but zones out and goes far away in his imagination. He is not very loud or disobedient by bugging others or getting out of his seat or anything. So it becomes a question of time. Will he make it to the end of the year? We feel he should. We on the other hand are focusing on some character building and making sure he gets some creative time at home and outside time as well. It's really quite sad the schools are headed this way because it makes it hard for many mom's like me, who are not feeling God has called them to homeschool at the time, or don't do well balancing it with the rest of their responsibilities. Right now we are having to trust that God has a purpose for him to learn some things even though the situation is not ideal. The same could be said of homeschooling. There are always pro's and con's so all you can really do is let the Lord lead.

We really want to hold out for next year because he would have the teacher Lilo had that we really loved. She is one who is brave enough to do what she thinks is good for the kids in her classroom and not what is good for the state. They make fossils, build art projects, grow butterfly gardens and watch them metamorphosis there, and get up and sing songs and dance around many times in the day. After that, well....one year at a time, one prayer at a time!

Oh! I did want to mention the other thing that happened that the Lord used to show us he is where he needs to be right now. Superkid was playing four square with his friends and he did not really know how to play. He bounced the ball too many times and the kids told him he was out. He felt they should let him stay because he did not know the rules, and he was upset they told him he was out. His eyes filled with tears and his face scrunched up when he told us this. Now, at home Superkid is not only the only boy, he is the baby, and for many years he has been catered to in ways we don't even realize (yes, probably mostly by me), so my first reaction that I immediately knew I had to fight off, was to agree with him! BUT, this is one way school is good for him! He is learning that life does not bend the rules to make you feel better about yourself. You WILL get out sometimes. It's time to grow up a bit and be okay with that. So, we got a ball and his sisters got outside with him at home teaching him how to play. That way at least he can get with the game. Yet, the real lesson here was a social one that he really needed.

Wow, I kind of took up my Saturday Scraps with Superkid! And, I'm kind of out of time to blog so I guess that will have to be it for today! Have a blessed Saturday!

Coming this week (Lord willing and health/time permitting:):

• My easy way to lovely Corned beef and cabbage- gotta love St.Patty's day!
• Putting together the girls new decor in their room- I'm hoping for pics.

Just An Update

Thought I'd come by and just update how things are going after the events of the past few weeks. To catch up on what transpired before, you can read here.

As far as the surgery goes, I'm just now starting to not hurt, so that's a good thing. Regarding the symptoms of nausea, faintness and anxiety type attacks (adrenaline rushes I call them), they were really non existent after about a week. Then, it came time for my body to ovulate and the first problem was that my body chose to do that out of the affected ovary. So, pain, pain, pain again. I was okay with that though, I prefer pain over the other symptoms which are more psychologically painful.

The day after this we went to church. I struggled with lack of appetite, some dizziness and weakness but I took almonds to munch on and by the end of the service I was feeling normal. Then, Monday came and Rick was off. I had no reason logically to feel stressed at all and yet the anxiety adrenaline pulsed through my body on and off most of the day until evening. Tuesday I woke up and was shaky and nauseated and faint feeling again. I was trying to make myself eat almonds and drink juice while I struggled just getting through getting the kids ready and making their lunches. I laid down a few times but it was not helping. I was supposed to drive a way to my doctor that morning and it was raining so I made the decision to call Rick home because I was worried I would not make the drive myself very well. In about an hour I was feeling better but he did go down with me.

My doctor was very patient in asking questions and trying to pin point what my specific problem was. She said it sounds like between ovulation and the end of my period I'm in a very unbalanced PMS phase. Evidently this whole phase of the cycle is PMS related. She said there was no good way to know if I was low on estrogen or progesterone due to the cyst messing up my hormones. The only way to proceed was really by trial and error. We start with one and if my symptoms get worse, we know it's the other one. You can imagine my fear of them getting worse, I was feeling like this was a game of Russian roulette with my body. She said that usually the lack is in estrogen and we would start there with the lowest dose patch. The other must do was that I get more calcium. Little did I know that calcium works as a messenger from the brain to the hormones and if you are not getting it in the right amount, your hormones won't balance properly.

It would also seem that my body is under some response to stress even though I myself mentally and spiritually don't feel stressed. I don't feel anxious about anything in my life (except now these attacks of anxiety...which is frustratingly ironic to only have anxiety about having anxiety) but my body seems to be. So, if this is not enough, we may have to try a low antidepressant for a while until my hormones get my emotional and mental stability back on track. Right now, I'm hoping the hormone patch and my concentration on healthy eating will make the difference. It's amazing what an earthquake to you body just a cyst can be.

The last few years of my life have been very stressful but it's funny because if you ask me, I'd truly say and mean it that I'm okay. My personality is to push on and keep going but it would seem that my physical self has born the brunt of the stress.

Thankfully Rick has a good job and now that my doctor has documented these problems medically he can always take emergency leave if the flare ups make me unable to function. I cannot tell you how grateful I am in every normal moment. Whenever I feel okay, I try to give thanks. There is no appreciating normal until you get sick. I keep telling the Lord I need his strength and healing because I want to be able to just do the every day things to take care of those I love. I have a 12 year old daughter about to start an even more intense time in her own hormones, I really need to be on track myself. When it gets bad I don't deal very well with anything above survival and a dramatic tween is not easy to face in these times. It is causing me to cry out to God and lean on him for my every breath.

I cannot deny that I really long for it to be over though. As my doctor says, "welcome to the 30's dear."

Since starting the patch yesterday afternoon I have been a bit better. Last night I felt very emotionally PMSing in my lack of stamina for a stressful situation between Princess and I (again, the biggest challenge on my stress level right now). The biggest part still hanging on is the nausea or just lack of appetite. Yesterday I could only get down about 20 almonds and a yogurt until dinner when I had a piece of lean pork and some asparagus. I did not want to eat any of it. Forcing myself to eat is a new thing for me for sure and it's a sure sign that things are still off. The mornings are the worst time for me. I've started getting up earlier to give my body time to work through the nausea before Rick leaves so I know I'm okay to handle the kids. I have to sit up in bed and sip water and force down 5 or so almonds (the almonds seem to work real well as they give my body a little protein). From there I have been chugging down about 4 oz of juice. Once that settles I'm usually feeling okay. I don't do coffee at all right now, and frankly I'm scared to death of it. It's almost as if the hormone levels are at their worse in the morning just like in pregnancy really. My aversion to food makes it so hard to cook too, just like morning sickness. I think I'm going to have to cook when I feel good.

So, I'm on the adventure, scary as it may be, to get back to normal. I will never take it for granted again and I have learned how important my taking care of myself really is on a nutrition level especially. We women are such a delicate balance that as we get older I think we have to pay more and more attention to our health.

I covet prayers for normal and I'm so thankful for some of you who have been praying. I want my kids to have a normal mom again.

Please Pray For This Family

This morning a set of twins at our school who we know (they are in 2nd grade, boy and girl) lost their mommy. She had some health problems but it was still very sudden that she passed away. It was this morning right before school. They are not believers that we know of. Please pray for the dad and these precious children who are grieving, and for us to have opportunities to love them and make sure to take those opportunities. Thank you.

Praise and Prayer

I'm still on a blog fast to pray for Haiti. I just came by to praise the Lord for an answer and ask for prayer.
May of last year I had a PAT episode that was scary. Never experienced anything like it before. Nov 2nd I had it again and it was worse. This time I had nausea. It always came with my cycle. I was again told every test was normal, I was healthy and fine. You can imagine my frustration because I knew I did not feel fine, but the symptoms would wear off (the first time they were just that one day and the next day I was at my grandpa's memorial service feeling fine) and I went on hoping it just would not happen again. I was told to watch caffeine near my cycle time too.
Well, last Thursday I was out on a date with my husband and we had just got our food when it happened again. I had to go out to the car and lay down. This time the heart racing with the PAT did not hit me as hard as the faintness and nausea. I went home and the nausea made me puke. The weakness, faintness and nausea lasted a few hours and then I felt better. I was kinda proud I'd made it through without going to the ER and thought that since it was over it would be a while till anything happened again.
Friday my husband had to call in to work. I woke up and nearly passed out, got nauseous and vomited again. I was in tears by this time with frustration. The debilitation of my life was nearly more than I could bear. A mom has to be able to stand up and get her family taken care of and I was so upset that there were no answers. Rick took me to the Med Stop in town when my nausea would not go away. Again, all tests came back good. I had a healthy heart three times over, a healthy blood sugar every time, and my blood work was always beautiful. It was not that I wanted to be sick, but I was beginning to hope something would come back wrong so we would know. They sent me home. Saturday my cycle started so once again I knew there was a connection. I felt okay except for some nausea and a major aversion to food. Sunday, I did not feel like eating much but felt okay.
Monday morning it started up again around 10 am. I was supposed to run to the grocery store and the nausea was so bad again, I knew I was going no where. I decided to call the OB on call since it was a holiday. Thankfully, and Lord willing, it was my OB Dr. who I've had personally for 12 years and who was with me through all three pregnancies and two births. She wanted me to go down to the ER to have an ultrasound done.
We went down after getting our kids situated with friends. I felt so bad dragging Rick around for this and I was really thinking a lot about what love really is when you get to the "in sickness and in health" parts of your life it hits you. This man would do anything for me and he loves me so much. I was so thankful to have him with me.
They were looking for fibroid problems. They found none. After all that the ER doctor said I needed to follow up with my OB the next day but that he could see no reason for my symptoms. He said there was a "little" (those were his words) cyst on one of my ovaries but that would not be causing all this.
I cried some more on the way home.
I was so frustrated.
Rick went on to a dinner BBQ we had planned with our dear friends who had our children and I went home to rest. I fought awful nausea and had three spurts of the PAT while resting. I turned everything off and got out my bible hoping to be comforted in the Word. I could not look down to read without getting nauseated. So, I closed my eyes and leaned my head back and prayed, crying out to God with all my heart. I was shown many things in this time that were pertinent to my life. It was a prayerful pruning session with the Lord and I'm so thankful for it.
This morning my doctor finally got hold of me and had me come in. I had nausea and faintness again in the AM and was so thankful I had not tried to drive myself down. Rick took another emergency day and Superkid had a bad cough and was with us.
Long story short, the ER doctor did not even mention the cyst to my doctor on the phone and it is not a "little" cyst. It is 5cm (2.5 inches) in diameter and the cause of all my nausea and problems. It's throwing my hormones off so much as to cause the episodes of PAT as well. She has scheduled surgery for tomorrow. I appreciate your prayers. I'm a little nervous but willing to go through anything not to have all this anymore. Once it's taken out, I'll have to do some treatments to get my hormones back on track again.
Lessons learned?
God is always in tune and working.
Hormones are so important to overall health and sanity!
Don't believe everything the ER doctor says and get more advice!

I'm thanking God for answering our prayer as to what was wrong.
I tell this story too in case anyone has such strange things happen and everyone tells them they are fine.

Saturday Scraps: 100's Day and Basketball Girl

• Isn't he cute? Yes, he is. He was so excited for a week to work on his 100's day project (celebrating the 100th day of school the kids make a project of their choice using 100 things). He made three different scenes and all of them were great. This was his choice to enter. Sadly, it was judged by junior high kids who had no idea what the early years of Mario looked like. He only played the retro games before we got the Wii. With it's block art it was perfect for lego's. He made a scene where Mario is running through a graveyard to save the princess in the castle at the end. I think these older kids just saw lego's, but we were very proud of him. It was all his idea and his work. I took him for an ice cream sandwich myself (the winners won a coupon for one at lunchtime) to celebrate.



(She is #2)




• Princess had two games this week. My camera stinks in the gym. The girls played their hearts out and even though they lost 15 to 19 they fought hard for it. There are only about 7 of them and the other school was huge (you can see the blue uniforms lined up on the bench) and there were lots of them, all big girls. Rick really loves going to the games. He is such a good daddy, he works hard and fast to be there in time and cheers them on so well. I have to encourage him not to try to coach them from the bleachers but....:) He really should coach but he cannot get off in time for all the practices.



• Lost started....and I'm still confused. Still a fan! However, they better throw this fan some scraps soon or I'm going to howl.

• I have another new blog to recommend. Mary and I grew up in the same homeschool circles. She is an avid reader and loves to chat about what she reads. I like that she has a refreshing layed back outlook and isn't afraid to say what she really likes and doesn't like. Lookout, she is also an Edward fan! Yes, there is a whole new world of Twilight kindreds. *sigh* Her blog is called "A Girl And Her Books" She seems to read from classic to contemporary that I'm not even aware of yet. Check it out! She also will go on my bloglist.

(just a sidenote funny: i was out with a friend this week and the this song came on and we both just stopped talking instantly.....and paused. if you know, you know why *wink* which really, the soundtrack on Twilight was better than the movie itself, but still....*sigh*)

• Scripture concept I've been pondering: "I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing good to the....I will rejoice in doing them good...with all my heart and all my soul. " Jer 32:40-41

Besides that my week has been focused on really working that SAHM gameplan and disciplining myself to persevere in all my domestic areas. It has made for a very nice week.

Prayer For My Brother

Many of you know my brother. He was having seizures one after the other the other day and they took him to the hospital. They checked and his med levels were low. They got him back on track and sent him home. Then he got the flu with bad vomiting. If you follow that through you know that having cerebral palsy and seizing and vomiting all together can be a dangerous situation. My mom is trying to trust God for his safety and healing right now as the Christian ranch he lives on is too far away for her to just hop in the car and go. He has been having a rough time and not wanting to bug his staff in the middle of the night when he gets sick. He's had to clean up his own mess and try to remake his bed and everything because he did not want to wake them. They told him today to make sure and let them know, so I'm hoping he will do that.
Pray God keeps him safely through this bad sickness and that his body levels out. Thank you.

From The Pantry Day 12: A Not So Great Update (and a bizzare story)

Got a little off track the challenge.
We decided to dive right into some overhauling organization which left the kitchen neglected. I should have cleaned the kitchen before I started the projects. (Note to self). It's so true that the kitchen in the heart of the home and if the heart is not functioning properly then you can't do the rest efficiently. My lack of efficiency led to Taco Bell.
At Taco Bell we met and gave a ride to a crazy lady who turned out to be very famous. I wrote a note of the whole story on Facebook (if you are on my fb, go to my profile to read) but did not want to post it here because I don't want all these other people who run into her to find my blog in their google search (which so many of them do) after their strange encounter with her and her crazy letters.
Then, I got side tracked yesterday googling some of her information and a valid name and address on her letters that led me to mind blowing information that m_i_n_d r_e_a_d_i_n_g through m_i_c_r_o_w_a_v_e technology is a real and ongoing study for use in weapon development. It was blowing my mind to know this woman may not have been just crazy, but really a victim of non consensual experimentation. I was brave enough to email the woman she referenced and she wrote me back to tell me that this lady I helped has been trying to contact her for years and has all her medical bills sent to her. She said she cannot help her but there are organizations who can. This woman is head of a group to fight against rights being violated through these scientific experiments. Did you know Russia and the US have been in a race to develop this technology to it's fullest? Ironically she the crazy woman called her problem m_i_c_r_o_w_a_v_e 6_6_7 (spaced added by me to keep search engines from my blog. people DO google this stuff) It turns out that there is technology by Panasonic with this name. I don't have time in my SAHM domestic life to research this more but I felt it was a warning to know it's happening. I felt the numbers were one godly number off from things to come if you follow my thought. When God lifts his hand from man's limits, the day will come when technology unfolds in biblical ways. I'm sure many of you don't have the time to read the documentation on this occurance which can be found if you go here: (not a real link, you will have to transfer it, I'm again adding spaces) m_i_n_d_j_u_s_t_i_c_e_._o_r_g This is the site the woman referenced in the crazy ladies letters runs. Even easier, you can watch this youtube and hear the just of the idea and see the woman referenced, Cheryl W_e_l_s_h whom I contacted, in the video. The crazy woman writes things like "no one sees what's happening" and other things that do go along with these theories. I don't know what in the world happened to this lady. It's like I've been thrown in to a strange novel (which my friend now says I should write.....IN MY SPARE TIME) or an episode of Dateline. Draw your own conclusions
(watch the whole thing if you watch any, it gets more important as you go)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7apZl_lt0A

So, anyway, back to reality. (though that may be reality too) I am trying to get back on track. We only ate out once and got pizza once but it's bothering me that I'm not staying on track. No more distractions about global conspiracy for me today.....just plain old, comforting housework. May the world continue to be crazy and going to pot, I've got my dishes to do.

BTW: the crazy lady is somehow tracked on this blog and there are copies of her disturbing documents she hands out. We gave copies to the police but I'm sure they just figure it's another crazy. Some of the documents contain upsetting material. Just remove dashes for the blog address:
a_o_w_f.blogspot.com

Christmas/Birthday Pictures

The first picture of the morning was an attempt at avoiding flash. I don't like the blur but I love the natural lighting. But, I had to give in and get a good one with flash. Christmas couch huddle 2009!

Stocking time! Emma is trying to show her chocolate rocks (they seriously look like pebbles) but Caedmon is blocking her face accidental to show his Littlest Pet Shop. The girls have some and he really wanted a few so Rick and I tried to find some boyish ones. This one is a fish and a frog.

Yearly tradition of a chocolate orange for everyone. Except mommy, she just wants nibbles from sharing hearts.:)

The biggest boxes they had ever seen! See previous blog post for more info if you like.

Excitement!

Caedmon with his special gift of the Batman Castle. I love the strain in his neck in the picture as it reminds me of his exclamations!

A very special Christmas wish from Emma came to be.....

Mommy and daddy found her the shell she wanted to hear the ocean with!

Yeah Grandma and Grandpa for Sponge Bob Lego's!

Yeah too for the tether ball! Very happy girls (they just went out the door to play as I write).

At the special candy store in town mommy found candy Lego's. So you can build and eat them!

Trying out he new scooter. It's so hard to find one with a high enough bar for him....poor kid.

Victoria on her new bike. Thank you daddy for such quick assembly!

Biker girls.

After we were sure they had got enough exercise with their outdoor toys we let them have the present from Granny. This is hilarious.....before calm:

Ripping and cheering...

Laughing and flailing about with glee!

Somehow caught in motion dashing off to run and tell their friend about the Wii! This cracks me up.





Happy Birthday Victoria!

Her favorite gift from her Aunt and Uncle of a horse jewelry box. It's so lovely and plays a Nutcracker song.

Reading a heartfelt (and tear jerking) card from Nana.

Again, tried no flash to catch some real light...oh, well. It's still pretty.

There was a character named Harry and he did another movie that some 12 year old really wanted. :) Victoria is a huge Harry Potter fan.

Perfume from Nana in a very pretty bottle

A Wii dance pad and game from mommy and daddy. Unfortunately the pad needs to be returned but it was a clearance at Ross so I guess I should have just tested it first. Sometimes frugal does not work out for ya. We hope to get her a new one tomorrow so she can start boogie-ing!

And that's the day in pictures.....thanks for stopin by.:)