Thank You All

The comments have meant a lot to me and I thank you for your patience as I've sorted this out. I'll give it to you, I've had a heck of a hormone trio of days, but hopefully when I come out the other end (not there yet) I'll still feel what I'm starting to feel now and is that this is good. I usually go with my restless gut on these things and even though it may change later on, I'm never sorry. If you know me, I do this. Change furniture, change colors, change hair....in these ways I'm an evolutionist....ha,ha! Don't go there though, you'll have another deep post you don't want to read!:)
See part of being here (as I defined it, a large virtual room) I unfairly started to assume that those in the room should want to share as much as me! It was selfish really. My first post over at The Window Seat talks about that, so I won't repeat myself. I'm a visual person, so this change had to happen so I can remember that my writing needs to be from the cozy, comfortable place of solidarity in my mind and you are welcome to come by to read what was reflected there but I will no longer expect something from the crowd. I hope you can see how this was important for me. I know it sounds strange. I'm strange.
I wanted to copy the comments because I so appreciated them (and yes, there was something in me that found it so great to hear from my sweet silent friends:)
Amy B said:
I love reading your blog, Alicia. I don't comment as often as I'd like as I have moments to sit down and read before I'm interrupted by the kids. I chew on it for the rest of the day and it somehow manages to bring out a conversation with me and my hubby before we go to bed. I think that I'll be back to comment and then time goes on, more posts are made... and you're right, the things you blog about are not things one can just glaze over and catch up on like daily blogs (although those are good when family isn't around daily) but it's stuff that could take hours to debate and discuss and dig through. I rarely get comments o mine either. Please don't be discouraged that comments are not coming... people still are. (-: And your thoughts do matter...

I appreciated this because it was the first comment that reminded me that I see this from the writer stance and not the reader. She is right! Life is this way. I'm blessed to know that I cause chewing cause I want to write meaty stuff ;) It also confirmed that sometimes I go too fast and write too much.

Katy said:
I enjoyed your fit. :) I'm afraid I am not nearly as deep a thinker as you, Alicia. Not that I don't like to read about other's deep thoughts though. And, I admit I like the daily trivial stuff like kids, vacations, decorating, etc. I hear you on wanting feedback from something you've invested in too. I think I've made maybe 2 posts ever that I felt that way about and honestly, it was draining and not worth it to me in the end. So, I stick to pictures and short commentary.

I love that Katy called it a fit because that's what I've been calling it ever since. I know her and could see the sweet look on her face as she said it. It actually cheered me up. It confirmed too that many blog readers are looking for light easy reads. That's okay, I needed to know. It helped me fine tune the type of blogger I am passioned to be. It's not that light easy read type but I'm okay with that now. It helped me a lot to see where other heads were. She hit the nail on the head, when you pour out your heart, it can be draining. It's only freeing if you do it for yourself really.

Kristen said:
I kind of ditto what Katy wrote. I have such mixed feelings about blogging as well. It's hard to not get comments when you truly want to know what people think, and for me it's hard to leave comments when i haven't had to time think about it or barely have time to just read the post. I think it can be so time consuming that many people (myself included) tend to keep things trivial. If you have a loyal few who leave you regular comments, you could just consider that your dedicated reading group and think about only reaching them. Ultimately, blogging has to be what you want/need it to be. And if it's not, then maybe it's time for a change. I'm still trying to figure out if I want to keep going with my blog--because I post oh so often.

This was so well expressed and again, confirmed some things I was assuming was happening. Again, I wrote about this in "The Lone Oak" but I needed to be reminded of when I had no room in my head for any thoughts or to read the kind of posts I put out here. Mom's of young kids are looking for a mental escape and I remember that feeling of "i have nothing left right now". Reminding me that it has to be what I want it to be really helped Kristen, because I spent the rest of the day asking myself what I did want it to be. BTW, I love your blog!

Tricia said:
I hope you get a clear direction on what you should do. I enjoy reading your deep thought posts. I understand your where you are at. I am struggle myself about whether to continue to blog. I have recently just had less time to read blogs and to blog myself.

What can I say, Trish has always been my deep thinking comrade at arms. However, if she ends her blog, I'll yell at her. ;) I understand the time thing, I've been there too when it comes to reading. I think a little of this was burn out, I've been doing it for years.

My dear SIL Joan said:
I agree with Amy B. Most of your "deep" posts would take too long for me to think about what I want to say and how to articulate it, and I'm always concerned that I won't communicate what I mean accurately. And at this point in my life, I just don't have that kind of time to devote to the blogosphere! I do enjoy reading your thoughts, though, and would love more updates on your family as well. I'm sorry this experience has been discouraging for you. Know that you are loved, and that your thoughts are enjoyed!

This really helped me too. You guys are all better than me, you THINK about what you want to articulate. I don't' know what I think UNTIL I start to articulate. I don't hash it through, I start typing and then assess it. It made me realize that participation for the type of blogging I like to do is SO MUCH to ask! Thank you! Sorry, Joanie, I'll be updating on the fam through Facebook from now on unless it's something I'm reflecting on in the window:) I love you ooodles too and so thank you for your honesty.

Karen said:
I had to laugh, I made my facebook comment last night to you before I read this post...I totally understand your analogy of sitting in a room full of people and NO ONE saying ANYTHING. That makes ALOT of sense as to why you are feeling that way. An apology comes from me that I might likely be one of those silent people in a full room. I am not the first one to pipe up and share, I can be pretty self conscious about certain topics, topics that you hit on ALOT. I would likely only share back with you in a small room with few people, which the www is NOT. BUT please don't think that you aren't stirring thought and contemplation of different perspectives...I suspect that many of us just aren't of the personality to jump in on a large public scale and be as bold and brave as you.

Thank you for saying the analogy helped! I'm an analogy person, a visual person so I'm glad someone else was helped by that instead of just crazy ole me. It was good to hear your honesty Karen, I see you as one of the least self conscious people I know. Still, I understand how this can be in this type of environment and with these topics. It was good for me to know this to understand where you are coming from. I don't know how brave I am...just crazy. :)

Here is my response to Karen there:
Well, thank you for that my dear, and I understand. You know, that is what I've had to come to grips with and that it's okay. I have to visualize myself reflecting on a lonely beautiful place where no one is there. It's actually helping me search out my even deeper thoughts because if you visualize a whole room you may be inhibited even if you ARE brave. SO, this is good for me. :) I love ya and so appreciate you sharing your thoughts. :)

I just really want to thank you ALL. This has really helped me! I needed to see in your heads for a second. It helped me clarify a lot of things. I have chosen to change, to move and to help my own head redefine what my blogging passion is. You are so kind to give me your honesty. It's shown me how unfair my expectations have been and that's been good for me. In the end you gave me your opinion when I really needed it and I hug you all in my heart for that.

So, things have started piping over yonder and I thank you for allowing me to make the changes I needed to. Thanks Judy for following me over:)

At The Window Seat: The Lone Oak
Window Friends
Hormone Hell Just In Time

At The Happy Homebody: Summer Salad Challenge Part 1

I've Moved

...back to an old neighborhood.

http://thewindowseatjournal.blogspot.com/

I've reopened the happy homebody cooking blog I use to have and will reopen Shoot For Eternity soon just to sit there for nostalgia.

A Speaker In a Silent Room

I've grown very emotional about my blogging again. I have to admit, when my computer broke down I was relieved not to even think about blogging. I've always had a love/hate relationship with it. I can't tell you why exactly.

I'm a thinker.

I love to share what I think...usually.

That is half of it, and it's why I keep coming here.

Second half?

I love to converse.

I love to hear what other people think and to stir up conversation.

That is the half I don't really get here.

It would not be so bad if the blogging did not take a lot of my time and energy to do. Many of my deep contemplative blogs are the ones that take the most time and they are the ones that I'm sure are the most challenging for readers to read or even have the time to pay attention to.

I thrive on stirring up thoughts on things that most people don't take the time to think about. I love to have a weird angle on something or a different perspective. I love to stimulate original thought. It's part of my nature to want to do this in writing or in conversation in person. Blogging has never grown to be what I'd always hopped it would be this way. I've seen it get close a few times but quite frankly, I think my drive for it is too much for most people to keep up with. Or, they don't understand what I'm saying at all perhaps.

I go to other blogs I enjoy who write regularly and their feedback is so stimulating! They have conversing readers sharing congruent thoughts or opinions or disagreements or ....frankly, whatever the heck, but SOMETHING.

I've noticed a pattern on my blog. I have a meter and keep track of what goes on here. I don't have a problem with readers, I have a problem with participants. I can have up to 30 readers in a day if the subject matter strikes them as interesting enough and I can have no to one or two responders (and usually I can predict who they will be..and my love goes out to you, you know who you are).

Do you know what that is like?

It's like sitting in a room with 30 people and sharing something you took time and energy to prepare, perhaps even something that makes you vulnerable, and your crowd listens in complete silence. Then, they get up to leave, again in complete silence.

I almost can't stand that.

Would you not wonder? Would you not think to yourself...did I say something wrong? Am I weird? Do they think I'm a nut? Do they get what I'm saying?

Should I care this much? Probably not.

Do I?

Yes. Unfortunately.

Am I emotional about it?

Yes. Unfortunately.

I could be lectured very well right now, and don't I know it. "Alicia, don't worry about all that, just do what you like to do."

Yes, but see, part of what I like to do is hear what other people think too. I can't do that part myself and yet it's half of why I do this.

I understand, most people don't blog like I do. As a matter of fact, most women bloggers hit on the daily stuff. Last time I quit my blog I quit because I could not do that. I could not be just trivial. But this is not good either.

To stretch and strain to pull together contemplative blogging leaves me expectant for response. After all, I put my neck out a lot in my blogging.

I'm really not a self conscience person. However, from this end, it's near impossible not to assume all kinds of things in the silence. After all, if it conjured up a lot of thought in my head, should it not stimulate the same in others? I don't know. I really don't.

Yet, since half of my passion for this comes from conversing with others, I get easily frustrated with the silence. I don't know how it is that even though it's half of my fun of doing this, I seem to draw 95% silent types.

It's starting to make me wonder if I want to do it anymore. There is nothing worse than reaching in, working hard to gather, and pulling out your deepest thoughts only to throw them into silence. Honestly, I think I'd feel better looking at the site meter and seeing that NO ONE came by! But, to see that 15-30 people did and had NOTHING to say, I almost get sick to my stomach.

Am I strange. Yes, I'll give you that.

Am I grumpy about it right now. Yes.

Am I throwing a juvenile fit? Maybe.

You caught me in a moment that I don't care though.

I LOVE the Alcorn book club I meet with in person right now. I adore hearing other people's thoughts on deep things. I love hearing people have SOMETHING to say. It's so stimulating.

I'm not suited for speaking in a silent room. It's just not me.

So, this stage light may very well go out soon.

If not, I'll try to gather the strength to keep it going for the every day stuff cause that seems to be all people give a darn about anymore anyway.

Everything else will have to stay in my head or personal discussion groups where I don't feel so awkward sharing it anymore.

You know the saying "no comment"...it always connotes something.

I wish I could get over it.

It's probably totally lame of me.

I don't have the energy to prepare to speak to silence.

It's not worth it.

Eclipse and "Wicked" Men: Anne Shirley Had It Right

There are no spoilers here...FYI. I'm keeping this general and safe. It would be wrong to the code of Twilight to ruin your experience in the theater AT ALL:)

I've always loved, understood and been pleasantly haunted by a line in Anne of Green Gables. Marilla asks Anne as they are walking through the pasture "would you want to marry a wicked man?" and Anne replies in her clever, potently witty way "No, but I'd like it if he COULD be wicked, and wouldn't".

And THAT ladies and gents is why women love Edward Cullen. I realized it this morning waking up out of my "got in at 3am" stooper after the six hour Cullen viewing last night. Not only is he a being that by nature, is supposed to be "wicked", he also has the strength to carry that out if he wanted to. Still, on a character level, Edward is fully capable to give into not only his Vampire instincts but his passions for Bella as well. He really COULD be wicked in every way and on every level, and on EVERY level he restrains himself and won't because of his love for virtue and for Bella (as well as Bella's virtue).

This phase of the story, in Eclipse I mean, there is more revealing about this part of Edward and frankly I loved it and I loved that Hollywood showed it. It's frankly not a popular view in entertainment today at all. Part of the reason Anne enjoys that thought in her head of a man who COULD be wicked but wouldn't is because the level of resisting all you COULD do reveals the level of character and in some cases, love you have for others. It's the revelation of the level of self-sacrifice and unselfishness. Isn't that what all women want, a man who could completely give into his instincts but doesn't for the deeper character quality of virtue? It's a strength we identify as stronger than his physical capabilities.

Ironically Anne Shirley is an Edwardian character, as is Edward (thus probably, his name choice). I can't help but think that Anne would have had something for him had they ever met:) Still, I love Gilbert so my brain won't let me imagine too far into that one.

I realized too that I do have an Edward type husband. Not only is he handsome, he is so self-sacrificing. Yes, he has his struggles but his heart is pure gold to do what is best by me and my kids. He strives well for virtue and faithful love for me. Sometimes I feel like the undeserving Bella wondering why this man loves me so much. I guess that's normal. Oddly, my husband could not be mean if he wanted to so there is no correlation there, but on the level of character and selflessness, he is totally my Edward. And as I came home at 3am and snuggled next to him I wished he was awake enough for me to tell him that. I just listened to the fan and his breathing, and wished I'd not drank so much Diet Pepsi at the theater, thinking how blessed I am to have him. Unfortunately, when he took off for work early this morning the shoe was on the other foot and I have some vague dreamlike memory of him hovering over me and saying goodbye followed by some affirmative groan out of myself.

In conclusion, I loved the movie for many reasons. They followed the book well, they put in some great humor, and they are building the story to my satisfaction. Twilight is famous for is cheesiness (high levels in the first movie...my friend and I literally laugh out loud when Edward runs up the mountain side with his "spider monkey" and it seriously looks like his legs and dangling in mid air) and there are one or two in this one too but they are getting few and far between by now (whew!). I felt especially on the topic of virtue, virginity and marriage, with our culture today they could have really fuzzed over Edward's convictions on those points but instead they make it obvious. I'm still thrilled by that.

The fact too is that any man is capable of selfishness and "wickedness" and though the norm of today may be a myriad of those who just give into every whim of that, I like that we are reminded of the truly sexy man who reigns it all in for (in reality) God (referred more to as "virtue" and "the soul" in general in the story) and the woman and children he loves.

So, go smooch your wicked warrior today. I know I will ;)

Offline for Awhile

My computer is not working right now. I am not able to blog or moderate my comments. I will let you know when I am back online.

"If God Is Good" Session 2: Accept The Diagnosis

Thank you ladies who got together with me last night to discuss Session 1+2 of the book. It was a great discussion. I'm so excited that you are reading and getting lots out of it. Thank you Tammy also for following along with us. It seems that everyone is being blessed and challenged by this book and that really excites me! I love seeing women enjoy their theological mental workouts.:)
On a side note I'd like to say something about my series of this on my blog. I know many of you come by blogs for some fun daily tid-bits and these posts are long, deep and challenging. Perhaps you've changed 15 diapers today and just put three little ones to nap only to come here and think "are you kidding me!?" This series is not going to be a mindless escape at all and for you who are looking for that, I'm sorry! I do hope to pepper in some family stuff to share soon but with the business of school ending, and the importance of the material of this book, I'm afraid this is all I've had time for right now. I'm glad it's break now and I should have time to share more on both levels. I hope.
Regarding Session 2, I'd also like to mention that I'll be kind of skipping the most interesting chapter "Evil's Entry Into The Universe" because it correlates with a blog I've been wanting to do on humility, and whether the sin originates with pride or unbelief. It's a very important post to me and It's not ready yet. It will be a wonderful rabbit trail off this reading but that chapter is an excellent spring board for it. So, look for that soon.
Section 2 Reflections: Accept The Diagnosis
So, another big disagreement I've had with God is definitely covered in this section. I don't like the fact that men are born into a sin nature they did not ask for. Having to come to grips with that in my relationship with God is not easy but it does not mean I stubbornly don't come to grips with it! It's another thing on the road to understanding evil where I have an emotional response but because of my love for my God, and my desire for His glory (which he has chosen to include this scenario) I want to bend my knee not just in submission but in total worship for this being for those purposes.
"Too many people, Christians included, view the Christian faith in bits and pieces. We should see it as a holistic worldview, a large-scale belief system based on the unfolding of redemptive history." (Alcorn)
Here are the biggies for me from this section:

• "What's right in our eyes is not synonymous with what's right". God decides what defines good and evil. How I feel about something being good or evil may be expressed but it does nothing to change the truth He has authored. "We can choose to do either good or evil, but we have no vote in establishing whether something is good or evil. Unfortunately, when evaluating the problem of evil and suffering, many Christians retreat into a man-centered worldview. Once they do this, subsequent discussion becomes almost pointless. If we accept the argument that the highest value of the universe is short-term human happiness in the form of immediate fulfillment of desires, then we cannot defend the Christian worldview, because we ourselves have departed from it. (later on...:) Since evil offends God's nature, the true test of good and evil is how God sees it. Simply serving our desired ends does not make something good; neither does causing our unhappiness make something evil."


• The more aware of sin I am the better...especially my own. "If you have not learned about sin, you cannot understand yourself, or your fellow-men, or the world you live in, or the Christian faith. And you will not be able to make head or tail of the Bible. For the Bible is an exposition of God's answer to the problem of human sin and unless you have that problem clearly before you, you will keep missing the point of what it says." (J.I. Packer) This speaks to us today in the cultural, Christian "movements" of our time. We don't want to talk about sin and human evil, we want to talk about how God loves us. But the true bright light of how God loves us is not seen fully unless the darkness of our sin is first understood to make love's brilliance known and astounding to us. "This I believe to be a fact: and I notice that the holier a man is, the more fully he is aware of that fact" (C.S Lewis regarding the topic of the horror of our own sin)


• My sin is an offence to GOD FIRST, and THEN to those I also offend by it. "We tend to minimize our sin because we fail to see it's real object. When we hurt those we love, we become aware of our sin. Their pain reflects our evil back to us like a mirror. But because we do not see God and see how our sin hurts him, we don't see either the frequency or the gravity of our offenses. We imagine our sin has no effect on him. 'Against you, you only, have I sinned' I think David is correcting in himself the tendency we all have- to limit our sorrow to the hurt we've inflicted on human beings. And when we fail to see that we have sinned against God above all- the One who has maximum worthiness- then no matter how bad we feel about what we've done to others, we will inevitably minimize our sin. Repentance without recognizing our offense against God is not repentance." These thoughts can really guide our parenting as well. What great elements to instill in our children. The problem is, we have to get it through our thick skulls first before we can pass it on, am I right?


• I AM THE BAD GUY. Randy points out that our own evil nature is the catalyst for our sin, not the sources outside us. We are the perpetrators. Not only so, but he points out that apart from Christ, we are equal with the greatest of evil men. "We'll never appreciate Christ's grace so long as we hold on to the proud illusion that we're better than we are. We flatter ourselves when we look at evil acts and say 'I would never do that'. Given our evil natures and a similar background, resources, and opportunities, we would.' (Alcorn) Seeing this awful truth should not and does not have the purpose of self bashing and pointless depression. It's purpose is more realistic recognition of the beauty of what Christ has done for us and results in a more genuine humility and repentance. How could any Christian find themselves evaluating their own righteousness better than anothers under the true realization of this fact? I don't think it's possible, and the fact that we struggle with doing so proves we don't really get our true sin nature outside of our Savior. "They are skilled in doing evil; they know not how to do good" (Jeremiah 4:22) "Only one who is deeply aware of his evil tendencies will humbly take the necessary steps to guard his heart from sin. I've found tremendous freedom in knowing that I am a great sinner. It helps deliver me from pretending I'm better than I am. It makes me more honest before God and others, and hopefully more truly humble (as opposed to merely appearing to be humble as a prideful strategy).(Alcorn) WOW...is that not convicting!? I say bring it on God, because THAT is the character of you I want ingrained in me!

Whether I think my sin nature is unfair or not really does not matter. I may be tempted to think it matters that I don't like it, and I may be honest about the emotion I have of it seeming unfair but none of this does anything to get me where God wants me to be in response to him. For HIS glory, this is the way he has allowed the set up to be. I waste me time to bemoan this fact. "...we will not submit ourselves to the treatment if we deny our disease or bemoan it's unfairness." (Alcorn) Even worse, I continually glaze over it! I think at times I mentally say "search me oh, God and see if there be any wicked way in me....but I'm sure you won't find any." Yikes. My favorite statement from Alcorn in this Section was the following:

"Instead of bemoaning our own predicaments, how often do we look at the world, with all it's evil and suffering, and say to God, 'Forgive me for my part in the world's sin'?"

I think the key is to recognize that my enemy would love for me to fall one way or the other. He would love for me to be laden with guilt that debilitates me or denial that blinds me. Both keep me from humble submitting resulting in astounding joy that is contagious and effective for the glory of my God.

The final chapter is very interesting and addresses the issue of natural disasters. I won't cover that but it's great reading. My favorite point from there was "The synonym for natural disasters is 'an act of God'. Interestingly, beautiful weather isn't widely referred to as 'an act of God'."

....boy, ain't that the truth.

(Click the link on the upper left side bar for links to the reading schedule, and previous posts in this series)

If God Is Good Session 1: Facing the Big Threat To Christianity

What is God's biggest goal toward humanity? To glorify himself by revealing himself to us, as well as fulfill our deepest need which he has placed within us. What is that need for? Himself. Therefore, his greatest goal is to give himself to us. If this is his greatest goal, then EVERYTHING he does will work toward that goal and NOTHING can thwart it. His goal is complete good, and yet we find ourselves looking upon many things in life that we seriously cannot call "good".

"If God is all good, then he would want to prevent evil and suffering. If he is all knowing, then he would know how to prevent it. If God is all powerful, then he is able to prevent it. And yet...a great deal of evil and suffering exist. Why?" (Randy Alcorn)

First of all, I want to point out that if you ponder evil and are in a place of troubled thinking regarding it, don't be discouraged by that. It's better that you ARE pondering it and asking real questions in your heart. Randy states that the fact that the bible brings up the problem of evil, invites us to do the same. He also states that as we are made in the image of God, we are thinking, caring people "wired to ask questions and seek answers". Remember too that if we seek God using his word, he promises that we will find Him. He will reveal Himself to us, and in fact, the elements we are troubled by are the very elements he knew would stir us and his desire is that we WOULD indeed find him.

If instead, what we hope to find is a smooth path of sunshine full of temporal benefit to us, then we will be sorely disappointed. In fact, we will be in complete despair. We will be aching for someone or something to just take the pain away that we find in life, for indeed, it is there and it is real and it DOES touch each one of us. The misconception that God intends to make our lives easy here on earth will set us up to be shattered when trouble and evil cross our paths. The fact that evil is THE problem with God makes it the "trump card" so to speak for those who argue against him, the battering ram that shatters the defenses of a misguided faith, but also the ultimate obstacle to overcome in order to secure true abiding faith in God for who He really is.

Randy says some amazing things about a misguided faith regarding evil and suffering:

"When people lose their faith because of suffering, it's usually a weak or nominal faith that doesn't account for or prepare them for evil and suffering. I believe that any faith not based on the truth needs to be lost. The sooner the better. If you base your faith on lack of affliction, your faith lives on the brink of extinction and will fall apart because of a frightening diagnosis or a shattering phone call. Token faith will not survive suffering, nor should it."

So, be encouraged if you are even shaking in your faith about God and evil. God wants to show you himself and give you a faith you never dreamed of before. If you have lost it entirely, go back to the word and seek truth because truth does reveal itself.

"Losing your faith may be God's gift to you. Only when you jettison undergrounded and untrue faith can you replace it with valid faith in the true God- faith that can pass, and even find strength in, the most formidable of life's tests."

This astounded me:

"But if personal suffering gives sufficient evidence that God doesn't exist, then surely I shouldn't wait until I suffer to conclude he's a myth. If my suffering would one day justify denying God, then I should deny him now in light of other people's suffering."

WOW. Surely we should not wait for our faith to be shaken before we sort these things out! We need to be ready, and we need to help others be ready with a perspective that stands up against this biggest problem of humanity and God. Especially our children.

The WONDERFUL thing about God is that when we ask, seek and knock, we are PROMISED to find Him. "Taste and see that the Lord is Good!" Yet, if we do not taste by feasting on His word and books like this that help us get a right perspective, we will starve our faith to death.

Randy goes on to define and differentiate evil and suffering. I will not attempt to give you everything in my posts. One, because I don't want to take away from his writing, it's excellent. If you are just reading here, you are TOTALLY missing out. If you cannot read the book now, make sure to later on but soon. Secondly, he is just so thorough that I could never attempt it all, and I don't want to. He defines primary and secondary evil which really help you understand evil in general better. He covered some world view responses to evil, refuting their premise. He discusses some arguments against God and evil and gives clear to understand responses. He states that a Christian world view will always and should always do what the scripture does and that is to magnify God and never to do what popular views of evil do and that is to minimize him.

Convictingly he states:

"IF we see God only in terms of his love, mercy and compassion, we will not envision the true God, but only an idol of our own imagination- and that is precisely what we see in the airbrushed God of various modern solutions to the problem of evil."

THAT is why this book intrigued me. I wanted to know my God for WHO HE WAS and not for what I thought he should be. The problem of evil and evil being permitted by him was MY biggest obstacle for responding to Him fully. I wanted to get to the bottom of understanding that. I knew I disagreed with some of the ways I saw God was doing things in his plan for humanity but I knew that I could not attempt to understand his thoughts. In essence I knew I was saying to him "I don't agree with you, but I'm 100% sure you are right." Is that possible to do? Yes, it's through trust and belief. It sounds a little better to say "I don't understand you but I'm sure you are right" but that did not go to the extent of my emotions. There are times I really don't agree. Still, turning TO him and not AWAY from him is the solution. When we turn away, we find despair or temporary pain relievers that disappoint in the end every time until we turn to another, continually distracting us from eternal truths.

"While traveling this long road, I found something surprising: the journey was not only rewarding, but fascinating, enlightening, and at times downright enjoyable. I know it sounds counterintuitive- shouldn't it depress someone to meditate on evil and suffering? In fact, I'd already seen enough evil and suffering to feel deeply troubled. What I needed was perspective. Instead of being disheartened, I'm encouraged. Above all in this process, I've seen Jesus."

Ahh, and that brings us back around. We come full circle to the great goal of God, the revelation of himself, for the glory of himself; for the joy of his people. Therefore, my theory on evil ( I say theory because I've not read the book yet:) is that evil is permitted for the express purpose of God being revealed completely. I think like all suffering, evil brings a further understanding of God's goodness. It is the dark that makes the dawn glorious. It could not come from him so He created the option for it so that it would be taken (the option that is) and create the contrast needed to reveal to his beloved, how lovely he truly is. In a way you could say he purposed to woo his bride to himself through the one element that would show her how excellent he is, the opposite of everything he truly is. If she could see that, she could see who he was better. She could understand why he allowed this revelation and she could love him like she never would have before.

"so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus." Eph 2:7

My post on Session 2 will be this weekend.

If God Is Good Schedule For Reading

I've had to remove this from my side bar because it's causing problems for me posting blogs to FB. So, here it is and there will just be a link in the side bar to it.






June 1-5 - Intro and Section 1

June 6-12- Section 2

(Meeting June 11th )

June 13-19th- Section 3

June 20-26th- Section 4

(Meeting June 25th)

June 27- July 3rd- Section 5

July 4th-10th- Section 6

(Meeting July 9th)

July 11-17th- Section 7

July 18th-24th- Section 8

(Meeting July 23rd)

July 25th- 31st- Section 9

Aug 1-7th- Section 10

(Meeting Aug 6th)

Aug 8-14th- Section 11

(Final Meeting Aug 20th)

Posts Related:

Summer Book Club Introduction

Summer Book Club Schedule

When God Paint's In Black

If God Is Good Session 1: Facing the Big Threat To...

"If God Is Good" Session 2: Accept The Diagnosis

Tackle It Tuesday: The Simple Solution Of Room Lists

As any mom knows, a couple weeks of busy family schedule and our whole house can look like a someone came in with a high powered leaf blower. The first emotional reaction we all have if we are honest, is defeat. We are overwhelmed just looking at it. So, for a day or two we may come up with errands we "need" to do that get us away from the house, or we just ignore it. Still, like a drippy faucet that somehow does not get louder but increasingly grates on your nerves, housework will eventually drive you to insanity of "dig in or die!". Once you have decided to act, there is one big question "Where do I start!!!!!". That is why I came by today.

I thought this was a good one to share real quick because it's what I'm doing this morning. It's helpful because it allows you to get the stress of the clean up off your brain and give yourself the freedom to plug away at it bit by bit. It works for delegating too because you can specify what parts the kids can do and what you need you husband to help with as well.

So, grab a notebook and at the top of each page write the name of each room in your house. Yes, include the laundry room and your garage if you have one (for me I just put "shed"). Also make a page for your yard or even different sections of your yard as in "front" and "back". Now you will make a professionals tour of your own house. Let's say you start in the kitchen. Write down EVERYTHING that needs to be done in that room. Whether it's little like "put away cereal boxes" or "repair broken cabinet", write it down. Put a small check box at the end of each item on your list. Any of these items that are the kids responsibility (such as "put away art paints", as ours are in the kitchen cabinets and have been left out by the kids on the counter) mark with a specific colored star. Make sure THEY do it. Then, check it off. Be sure also to put what needs to be done in that room to make it perfect like "sweep and mop the floor" or "dust top of cabinets". EVERYTHING. Stand there for a while and really look around. Don't just write down what you can get to today, write down all ways the room would be made perfect. If you don't have money for a repair or project, write it down anyway and use this spot to get a price figure for that job.

Do this for each area and room.

From here, decide which page to start with. Go in that room and do the items on the list. Mark them off when you are done. You may not get to all of them but you can keep coming back to the list later. Of course some are repeats daily but you get the idea.

With the kids rooms, this really helps when you have a child who says "I don't know what to do!". Remember that you feel that way too and just give them one item on the list at a time to do. For instance my sons list will look something like this:

• Put all dirty clothes in the hamper


• Put all clean clothes in drawers


• Hang up clean hang up clothes


• gather all papers in a stack


• Throw away trash papers


• Put away keep papers in drawers


• Pick up all pencils and crayons and put in cubbie


• Pick up all rocks and take back outside


• Pick up all suerhero toys and put in box


• Pick up all legos and put in lego compartment


• Clean off dresser top


• Clean off desk top


• Put away all books


• Place stuffed animals on bed


• Put away shoes


• Hang backpack
• Dust Furniture
• Mommy vacuum

That gives you an idea. The child is much less frustrated when they can check things off a list. Plus, they can go away from it and come back seeing exactly what is left to do. You will feel the same way about your housework.

Outside, you can do the same.

• Sweep deck


• Wash patio furniture off


• Pull weeds in side yard


• Mow grass


• Weed eat fence line


• Pick up trash and throw away


• Fix broken stairs


• Replace broken railing


• Sand deck


• Repaint


• Build deck covering


• Put up two hanging plants


• Install privacy shade

Notice that I've put things at the end of the list that I don't have money to do all at once but I can write them down and get prices for them till we can do them.

Anyway, you get the idea. If it helps use it, if not, move on:).

If God Is Good Book Club

I really have to apologize to you who are reading with me! I've just not been able to get the first blog post done for Session 1. Believe me, I've tried. I've even written most of a post but cannot seem to settle on what to share about the first session because it's all...well...SO GOOD! I feel like sharing anything here would not do justice to the content AT ALL.

I do however want to try to narrow down some thoughts on it and I really do hope to do that soon. Our kids are on their last week of school so there are lots of events this week. Last week I was up there helping with testing and such as well. I know that my free time will open up more for writing and thinking when the kids are off and we are in on hot afternoons to stay cool.

Thank you for being patient.

For those of you who are doing the book club with me either in person or just on the blog, I was wondering if you had any thoughts to share or questions so far (not that I can answer them all, but I'd love to have some to ponder or respond to if I can). Or just tell me what you are really appreciating about the book so far. What is really speaking to you?

Hopefully Session 1's reflections will pop up here soon......oh, where is my magic wand? I know I had it here somewhere......

Just a reminder, the reading plan is on the left side bar. There are links there for any blog post regarding this book club.

Letters To Juliet: A Sensory Packed Delight

I went to see this flick with a girlfriend last night. I've not got out for a while so my excitement was more for that than the movie. Sadly a lot of chick flicks have bored me the past few years to the point where I've stopped bothering and I'm surprised when one is good. This one was predictable but still delightful in every way.

Of course, I adore everything about Italy so if they had even left out the plot, and showed the footage I'd have loved it still. The aerial shots soaring over Verona are enough to get your heart thumping inside. You would think that that many dwellings packed in together, under the Italian sun, would give a feeling of claustrophobic cracker box living. Yet it doesn't, it's delightful! How do they pull that off? If the buildings were modern, symmetrical, sleek and straight, the city would not have the amazing charm that it does. The old architecture plays a character role itself in this movie. The balconys of romantic ironwork, the potted plants and flowers everywhere, the uneven stone work, the arched doorways and windows, it's all appealing to the romantic senses. It's amazing how the city plays a part to awaken the magic of love in the movie.

As if that were not enough, the other setting in the movie is the gorgeous country side. This we are more familiar with here, the rolling hills with vineyards under the sunshine. The only thing we lack here in Cali is the stone villa here and there to make it perfecto! The little roads winding through to little places unknown feed our sense of adventure and spontaneity. We North Americans are more accustom to freeways and straight roads with right angle turns leading to predictable destinations. There is no romantic mystery to our transient traditions. Even the roads in the Verona are small and winding making them mysterious and in a world where you are not in a hurry all the time to get where you are going. This makes travel much more fun! Unfortunately we here have cut the straightest most efficient path to everyplace to get us there as quickly as possible. We measure success with efficiency rather than pleasure of the experience.

The wine was more noticeable than the food in the movie! I hardly noticed what they were eating most of the time, though I 'm sure it was good but more noticed the customary glass of vino. Red, white, it didn't matter. The glasses graced the table everywhere and they spoke of sitting and delighting in conversation and food. They were never full, always about low to mid level. In our culture, many people fill their wine glasses to drink as much as they can as fast as they can. True enjoyment of wine is done in small amounts over long conversations about life and not for the purpose to forget your life entirely. It's another element of slowing down and enjoying rather than hurry up and forget. Eating slowly, drinking slowly, sitting long, letting the sun sink, eating out doors, all of these are packed with sensory delights meant to highlight life rather than smudge it out.

The letters, ah, the letters! The letters and the room where they wrote back to them highlighted a relational aspect of culture that our new generation is missing out entirely on. It really made me miss my stationary sets I had as a teen. Rick bought me a letter "A" wax seal when we were dating that is one of my treasures. He and I use to write love letters and I'd seal mine with that. What has happened to me!? I've been reduced to the occasional sweet nothing on his Facebook page! Life and sentiment, love and heart, are meant to be written with our hands! Something flows out of that that we miss in our high-tech age. The smell and look of the paper, the folding and tucking in the envelopes, the choosing of the perfect stamp, and the piling of the letters in an outgoing basket were delightful to see. It oozed with humanity and heart, and romance.

I could not help but notice the skirts and dresses in the movie as well. They were simple, and light for the weather, but they were so lovely. The women in the movie pretty much all wore skirts except for our main character who put her occasional pair of skinny jeans on. The choice of fabrics fed the femininity of the movie. The guys looked like guys and allowed them to take on their romantic rolls in our minds even better. Lorenzo's robust manly attire added EVERYTHING to his character. Vanessa Redgrave's character Claire wore the most graceful flowing fabrics that made even this elderly grandma full of feminine beauty. The secretaries of Juliet all had their own fashion statement but it was all skirts, florals, simple necklaces, vibrant colors and expressive hair styles filling out the variant feminine elements of their personalities. The clear definition and even highlighting of male and female characters intensified the romance of the film because it fed the core of what we are made to delight in.

We are a people made to fill our rolls and meant to be drawn to the opposite sex for every element God made in them down to their square shoulders hiding under their masculine Polo shirts. They speak strength, security and protection to us. Women in their feminine attire (though I'm admitting I'm a bit of a tomboy and love my jeans!) speak delicate beauty with inner strength but outer need for nurture and care but more than anything appreciation for the beauty God has given her. The costuming in the movie just really adds to the romance in these ways.

We are relational people, meant to be close to those we love and share the beauty of life with them. If we are close but stark and distant, the beauty fades and are just clusters of miserable humanity. The closeness with beauty feeds our desire for bonds to others. The unpredictable passage ways feed our sense of adventure and the tables set with food and beverage invite us to sit and share our lives. The letters invite us to pour out the secrets of our hearts and the longing for human connection. The filming speaks many unspoken truths from the Italian culture.

The story is simple, even predictable, it's true. However, this movie spoke to so many inbred human senses that it was just delightful to watch. I enjoyed the storyline between the two main characters for sure, but there was so much more character play that was not even done by actors at all. We in modern America are missing out on so much life with our fast pace and efficient methods. Who says life has to be efficient all the time!? Who says you have to eat dinner in 30 minutes or less? Who says you can't dress up just because you look darn pretty!? Who says you can't enjoy a small glass of wine with those you love over a well balanced and lovely meal!? Who says you have to eat inside all the time!? Who says you only have time to send an email or Facebook note!? Who says your home should look sleek and modern!? Who says there is no room in the budget for a Sunday drive on a country road leading to who knows where!?

We should take a lesson from these old ways and stop getting wrapped up in modern patterns of efficiency. Besides, my husband is a mailman and he'd appreciate the business of you sending a real letter now and then!:) Summer is coming ladies! Clean up your outdoor seating and use it! Pull out your light floral skirts and wear them! Pick up some lovely stationary and write a heartfelt letter. Let the dishes sit till tomorrow and sit way after dinner to talk. Bring some potted nature to your doorstep. Take a moment to notice your husbands broad shoulders and how romantically alluring they are. More than anything, slow down and notice life's beauty around you and bring it into your life in anyway you can.

When God Paints In Black

I introduced the idea of disagreement with God in my post the other day gearing up for the book club. Is that a new concept for you? It's a recent one for me.

When my grandpa died in 2001, I had my first firey trial with my faith that I think I'd had yet. We were not sure if he died with salvation because he didn't express much to us except that when my mom asked him if he'd made things right with God, he said he had. That was a vague way to end things in my mind. I really wrestled for the first time that God allows many to perish. It was the first time I found myself disagreeing with him.

Somehow we think that disagreement with God means that our faith foundation has crumbled, and God is no longer who we think he is. We assume that what he does should meet with our logic, emotions and sense of justice. So much of what God does does not seem fair to us. I remember being down right angry with God for a while when I started to realize these things. Thankfully, I began to pray my way though them and when I changed my own attitude I began to find greater, even more solid foundations to fall on than I had ever known before.

What are the things I disagree with God on?

1. That sin was allowed to enter the picture at all on any level.

Click here to read my post on the origin of evil itself. It's a huge mystery to the point of seeming a contradicting in our minds when we think of how evil could be birthed in God's world when only good things come from God, and all things come from Him as well.

2. That God says he is willing that none should perish and yet so many will.

Again, this seems like God contradicting himself. If he really did not want them to perish, they why are they? Is he not really in control?

3. That Satan was not destroyed early on when he rebelled.

Again, an all powerful God could have done that, had he chose.

4. That we are born with sin we did not ask for.

Really, it's not our choice to be blind to truth because of sin. If men are unable to be convicted because of sin, how is it fair that this sinful state is thrust upon them when it keeps them blind. How can they really be responsible for a blindness they did not ask for?

5. I certainly disagreed with God when he decided three years ago today that my dad should die at 54.

So, those are just some of my big ones. How did I resolve this and even strengthen my faith with these huge issues I had with God? Well, first I had to be willing to speak them out to him and let him know where my heart was struggling. Then I remembered my children.

No matter what we do sometimes, our children do not understand our rules. They don't think they make sense, they don't like them, they even disagree with them. I could sit there on the bed with them and talk till the cows come how trying to explain my reasoning but what is sensible to me is not going to be to them. There may be some light bulbs going off but many times it's just impossible to always get them to see things from my perspective.

If there is such a leap between a parent and child, how vast the chasm must be between us and God. The great mysteries are deep and wise. We don't have what it takes to wrap our heads around a single one of his thoughts. Even if we do get some of them, it's by the work of God's Holy Spirit which really is not us getting it but the Him in us getting it!

If someone rejects God for the holes they think they have found in His plan or their logic alone, they are just as foolish as a child declaring that their parent is not their parent who loves them because they do things they don't understand or like.

There is freedom in saying to God "I don't like this, I don't agree with this, I don't understand this." The freedom I'm referring to is a freedom from the chains of our understanding that hold us back from running the race we are meant to.

Think about it, what was the first thing Satan wanted human-kind to do? Doubt God. Well, not entirely, he wanted them to doubt and then act on that doubt. Doubting God is a result of a disagreement we have with Him. The disagreement is not something we should feel threatened by. We should expect to disagree with God because our wisdom is not equal to His and our thoughts are not like His. If you should not be surprised that you disagree, don't be surprised or discouraged by doubt either. Let it however spur you to do what it's meant to do, seek Him MORE. He promises that those who seek Him WILL FIND HIM. If you however, rebel and stop seeking because of these disagreements and doubts, you will be stuck in despair. If you, like Eve, allow them to become accepted lies about God, you will sin because you will act on what you believe to be true. Your truth has been exchanged by a lie and that lie is that God is not to be trusted and He is not completely good.

If your children doubt your love for them (most likely because they disagree with something coming from you) does that change the fact that you DO love them? Our doubt or disagreement does NOTHING to alter truth, but it DOES alter our thinking if we do not seek God in our questioning. There is only one way to do that and that is through His word. Rejection of God's word due to acceptance of a lie that it has lost it's validity due to our doubt is locking the gate to the path of our own happiness.

Does that mean God's word will give you all the answers you seek? No. In the book of Job, Job is finally angry and venting out to God. Does God answer him with clever comebacks for Job? No. Does he wow him with logic and wisdom that makes Job say "ah, duh, I get it now!"? No. What does he do? HE SHOWS JOB HIMSELF. There is only one cure for doubt of God and that is reassurance from Him that he is SUPREME. His supremacy gives us the eyes to see WHY he can be trusted. When you look at a planet in the sky, do you think about the fact that you could probably trust the maker of that planet to know far more than you do? When you see a baby being formed in the womb or feel it yourself, do you ponder the wisdom that is beyond you? Could God explain to you how those things were made? Would you understand it if he did? I highly doubt it. I can't even understand 12th grade math or science very well!

God showed Job how HUGE he was and how small Job was. He showed him what he needed to see. God cannot explain Himself to us because He knows we cannot comprehend Him. That is a side note to the fact that He doesn't have to! Yet, how lovingly he reaches down to extend himself to us at any level we CAN understand, be convicted by, or comprehend. HE has given us all we need to trust and come to him.

So, we could be like the child who hears his/her father say "I love you, trust me, do it this way" and respond with obedience. Or, we can be the one who says "no, prove to me first why it has to be this way." Sometimes all our wisdom would be complete foolishness to a child and God knows the same about us.

So, seeking is good, because seeking with a heart of trust and assurance will carry us through the parts about God that we don't get. When we come to those parts we have to reflect on all his amazing attributes to remind us WHY we don't get it. God promises if we seek we will find but what he promises is HIMSELF, not all our answers. Along the way, there are many things we CAN understand about God when we ask these questions and seek answers for them. With the submissive heart, it's all going to be a good journey to take.

Remember, when God paints in black, it's to highlight some element of his amazingly bright and beautiful character here on earth. Should you, the created, take the brush from his hand and declare "no, no, no! Yellow is much more cheerful here!"? The great painting he is creating requires the use of variant dark hues. One day we will stand back and be overwhelmed with delight, but sometimes all we can see are a mess of darkness right in front of our face and hear the echo of promises of goodness. If the artist is promising great things and he's shown you His phenomenal handy work everywhere, don't you think you can trust his masterpiece?

Tackle It Tuesday: Summer Game Plan

Slowly but surely making more TOPS progress. This week I only lost .8 of a lb. but it's a LOSS! I've been realizing that my kids only have a few weeks till school is out and last summer I gained weight. For people in different climates that may seem odd. Wouldn't you be out doing more in the summer? Aren't you MORE active? Well, we can be till about mid June. Our summer may as well be the North Pole because being snowed in would be similar. With temps that get up to 110* and one year even 115* (that was CRAZY hot), you don't go out much. So, we stayed home and were too sedentary and the kids were constantly hungry which put me in front of food more and more. We did not have money to run around doing activities or even jotting out to the ocean enough to cool off. So, it was movies in the afternoon to wait for the heat to pass and play out late into the night. I was always too tired to exercise in the evenings though.

So, this year I'm thinking ahead to have a game plan to keep my weight loss on a roll. Tomorrow I have an OB appointment and will be finding out exactly what she thinks my healthy weight goal should be. I'm pretty sure I'm getting close. So, I HAVE to keep at it. Here are some of my mental strategies so far:

• "Everybody say Wiiiiiii!" Seriously though, the summer is when we use the game systems more. Last year we only had the kids old V-Smile and my VERY old retro Nintendo original. That broke by the end of the summer and the kids were getting too old for the V-Smile. So, at Christmas we took gift money from my grandma and got the Wii. I don't think we could have done better, we love that thing. We use it for exercise, entertainment, and streaming in our Netflix online options which is awesome. You can even do the Internet on it but without a keyboard, it's too time consuming. So, I plan on making sure we do the active stuff a lot. Even getting out the dance mat and dancing with the girls on their "Dance Dance Revolution" game. I'm determined to learn that this summer. It's good for them too to be doing the active ones and not just Mario.


• Biggest Looser DVD's. I've only got one, but these are great. I have the sculpting one. I hope to do this with Princess also through the summer and am hoping she will enjoy joining me. They are 8 bucks at Walmart and easy to follow.


• Veggies and Fruits. I plan to NOT buy a great deal of the carb snacks we use during the school year. If it's here for them or me, it's not good for us. I plan to buy, wash and chop produce to have in bags on hand for snacks with peanut butter, almond butter and hummus for dipping. In the heat you don't usually feel like eating meals, you tend to want to snack but what you snack on is the key.


• I'm planning a bible time with the kids when we first come in or close up the house. I really have enjoyed reading the bible chronologically and though I don't want to hit them with the law stuff right now or some of the tough reading, I'd like to find a kid friendly plan to go through. I may just do a precept for kids study. I'm looking for something interactive. With kids in public school, it's hard to get that time in on school days. I'm hoping the summer will clear the academics for us to do this.


• Plan one beach outing a paycheck. If I can do two, even better. That would be one a week.


• Mama, get up early! This is my HARDEST part. I love sleeping in and staying up late. I'm very determined this year though to get up and enjoy the quiet and cool before the day. It's important because it's going to be my only time without the kids. I'm hoping to get out and do a morning walk outside to combat being in all day. I also want to have my quiet time out on the deck if I can.


• Last but not least, the evening family outing. I know we won't make this every night but I really want to walk as a family, or bike ride as a family in the evening. It's going to be important for the kids too because they can pudgy up just like me from vegging all summer.

That's what I've come up with so far. We usually have to come in and shut up the house by 10am and don't reopen it until about 7pm. If you have any other ideas for me, I'm listening.

Summer Book Club Plan and Schedule

Thank you for those of you who let me know you'd like to go through this book with me either in person or online. Click here if you don't know what I'm talking about!:) If you have not let me know you want to join in, comment here. There are four ladies who want to get together and at least two who are interested in following online. Pass the word on either way if you know someone who may want to join in!
For those of us getting together locally, here are the meeting dates:
June 11th
June 25th
July 9th
July 23rd
August 6th
August 20th (the reading plan actually ends Aug 14th but this gives some wrap it up time before our last meeting)

I cannot make the Aug 6th meeting because I'll be hopefully out of town spending five days ALONE with my husband for the first time in 13.5 years while our kids are at camp! YEAH! I still hope you ladies will meet. If there are any weird stalkers reading this hoping to rob my house, it's okay, you can have my 90's TV if you want it that bad.

The reading plan worked out so well! We are taking 11 weeks to do the study and there are exactly eleven sections to the book! Here it is:
June 1-5 - Intro and Section 1: Understanding the Problem of Evil
June 6-12- Section 2:Understanding Evil: It's Origins, Nature, and Consequences
(Meeting June 11th )
June 13-19th- Section 3: Problems for Non-Theists: Moral Standards, Goodness, and Extreme Evil
June 20-26th- Section 4: Proposed Solutions to the Problem of Evil and Suffering: Limiting God's Attributes
(Meeting June 25th)
June 27- July 3rd- Section 5: Evil and Suffering in the Great Drama of Christ's Redemptive Work
July 4th-10th- Section 6: Divine Sovereignty and Meaningful Human Choice: Accounting for Evil and Suffering
(Meeting July 9th)
July 11-17th- Section 7: The Two Eternal Solutions to the Problem of Evil: Heaven and Hell
July 18th-24th- Section 8: God's Allowance and Restraint of Evil and Suffering
(Meeting July 23rd)
July 25th- 31st- Section 9: Evil and Suffering Used for God's Glory
Aug 1-7th- Section 10: Why Does God Allow Suffering?
(Meeting Aug 6th)
Aug 8-14th- Section 11 and Conclusion: Living Meaningfully in Suffering/ Final Thoughts About God, Goodness, Evil, and Suffering
(Final Meeting Aug 20th)

The subject matter being so thought provoking as it is, I really recommend a blank journal for your thoughts. Just write down anything that comes so that discussion here or in the group can be more full as well. Sometimes you have a great thought and if you don't write it down, it's gone forever. I think personally, it would be good to write down what God is stretching you to know about him through the book too. Reading that later on will be good for you as well.

As far as blog posts go, I'm hoping to do one a week on each section. Between now and then I will have at least one related post to the upcoming reading, so check back if you want. Later on I will post the reading schedule and meeting schedule on the side bar for easier access.

Thankful Thursday

I was working on a deeper post yesterday but did not get it finished so I'm moving on. I'll have to finish it soon.

This week I'm thankful for many things!

• I'm thankful for our church camp out that went so well. Beside the fact that I was a very stupid mom and forgot that breezy and cold did NOT mean you could not get sun burnt, it was great. Now I have an exploded lip and cheek to remind me of the lesson I've learned. Emma had a rough time the last night and day but besides that it all went well and I'm very thankful for the Jordan's who let us borrow so much camping stuff we did not have.
• I'm thankful I went to see my MD for further help with my health problems because I was still having problems with loosing my appetite the moment I started eating which seemed bigger than just hormones and I was having other bodily problems the days the symptoms were there. The hormones were helping, I think, but I was still struggling. My MD has been my DR. since I was about 10 and is also my mom's doctor and was my dad's. He has seen our family through a lot and is a very gracious Christian man. He saw my family through my dad's tragic decline and passing and was convinced that my body had run out of serotonin over the last few years (to learn more about that go here). This can cause depression (which I was not experiencing) or adrenaline overload. My body was not handling stress well anymore on any level. When any level of adrenaline pulsed through my body it was over reacting with feelings of panic and symptoms of anxiety when I really had no reason to and did not feel worried or anxious at all. He did a good job of explaining to me how this works and is completely chemical in the brain. He agreed with the OB that my hormones were off and to still follow her advice but that this had to be addressed from both ends of the spectrum and it was all connected. Stressful events that you think you are getting through just fine at the time can come around and have effects you don't expect. Right after dad passed we transitioned from homeschool to public school, and felt led to pursue foster care training. The Lord lead us not to do the foster care when our finances got tighter and I'm thankful for that because I could never have known by body had had enough and would soon be showing signs of it. I am on a new medication and it seems to be helping very well. Today was a rough day but I'm thinking it's because I was feeling confident enough to have a full mug of coffee. I've felt off all day. My body still does not do well with much caffeine. This makes since knowing that coffee releases cortisol which spurs adrenaline and once again I'm reminded that I have to give this MORE time. I'm so thankful for this doctor's wisdom. I learned a lot, but still have a lot to learn. It looks like I need to make some good choices as far as what to take on and what not for a while.
• I'm thankful Emma's feeling better after the braces and teeth pulling the next week. She is a real trooper!
• I'm SOOOO thankful Rick's work gave him the time off to go camping with us. It would not have been as fun on my own Saturday.
• I'm thankful I work for a very nice lady. She is always looking out for me. This week she walked down to the bus stop to get the older kids (usually my job) so that I did not have to be out in the sun (yes, it's THAT bad).
• On that note, I'm thankful for healing! I hurt like you would not believe (there are way too many nerves in your lips....great for kissing but bad for burns) but I just keep realizing that my body is working hard to rebuild a whole new layer of lip!
• I'm thankful for some weightloss and my friend Trish and now Kendall who go to TOPS and spur me on.
• I'm thankful for forgiveness. That I receive it from Christ and that he gives me the call to give it over and over because he forgave me of so much and does still.
• Lastly, I'm thankful and encouraged for all you ladies who want to read Alcorn's book with me this summer! Thank you! I'm really looking forward to it!

Vampires and Legalism...Look out!

If you know me, you know what ruffles my feathers, legalism. My weakness is that I'm not a good rule follower. That's not good for me. I have to be careful to always re-examine my doings and submit to God let alone search out whether something is people preference or command. It's a constant search for me. My greatest strength is that I'm not a good rule follower. Yes, you read that right. Didn't your mama teach you? "Your greatest strength is also your greatest weakness". The fact that I have a huge radar for legalism has helped me grown in my faith as well as challenge me in my faith. God has used it too weed out times in my life when I've fed my flesh by following the law. Is that possible? Quite. Whatever feeds your pride, feeds your flesh. More on that in a bit.
I was thinking again yesterday about the subject of Twilight (yes...AGAIN...grrr) because I came into a conversation online with a fellow Christian on it. I have to really be careful with this individual because their words and attitude REALLY get under my skin and my own pride tries to raise it's ugly head. Still, my pride being put aside (and yes, I really am purposefully shoving it back in the selfish corner it belongs) there is validity in speaking and discerning truth so I usually walk around pondering these things for days until I work it out. I'd like to dissect her response to Twilight. One, because I think a great deal many Christians have this outlook and also because I long to see logic and truth return to the Christian world view as it did for C.S. Lewis. That man is so logical that it astounds me!
The first comment she said was this:
"I have always found vampires and the like, to be from Satan, and would not ever allow it in my home or into my children's minds."
I don't like when people give this much credit to Satan. That HUGE point being said let's remember something I discussed in my Soap Box On Twilight post , which I ask you to read if you have not,(which I'm sure she did not read, just as she has not read the series or seen the movies so she really does not even realize the Vampires are not evil in this story) VAMPIRES ARE NOT REAL! Satan is, yes, very, very, real. He does bring evil things about according to the allowance of almighty God. I don't even like giving him much credit for that because as we see in Job, he has to ask permission! So, as I said in my post, Vampires have been defined in fiction to be evil, and fiction has the freedom to redefine them at any moment as Meyer has in this series. They cannot be from Satan because they don't really exist! They have been know to reflect evil qualities that parallel our association with Satan and his evil ways. Fiction can make a good witch, a friendly ghost or whatever it wants! Mind you, as I said also before, I don't personally prefer evil Vampire type stories and I would not let my children read them either because there are frightening elements that a child could not handle. These books are not for children however, and quite frankly, the original version of Snow White is enough to make any child have nightmares. We have to realize that our imaginations have sensitivities that have to be navigated by age, maturity and preference.
"I find Christians who are infatuated with it, to be a disappointment, and I don't understand."
First, infatuated is a strong word. To enjoy any type of entertainment could be called infatuation.
To say that you find Christians who do something you don't' agree with to be a disappointment implies that they are failing to meet your standard of what a Christian ought to be. This type of assessing each other is dangerous and feeds pride. If you don't agree with them, you can graciously say so and pray for them but encourage them! To practice saying that we are disappointments to each other is not the right approach. I could be disappointed that so and so let's their daughter wear skirts to church that are too short, but would I tell them that they are a disappointment to Christianity? First of all, that's just unloving, but it also implies that I have the say which I don't. Different Christians will enjoy different freedoms in their family according to culture and conviction and if the Lord lays it on us to pray for them or even to approach them and say something we should. But, please don't start telling them they are disappointments.
"But, it is a matter of opinion and taste, and conviction. If you have not been shown from the Gospel, the wrong in those ideals, it's hard to be convicted about it, isn't it?"
This particular person said she is a fan of "The Office", we enjoy that show too. There are plenty of Christians who could come up with a pretty solid argument against that show. Mind you, it would be a legalistic argument but a good one none the less. In her opinion, the sinful lifestyles, occasional crude humor, and worldliness of that show is "not as offensive as the Twilight series" (first of all, how do you know??? you have not even read them or seen them? you are making a judgement comparison with nothing!). See, what just happened here? We want to draw the lines but smudge them out when something worldly is on our interest level. You can't do that, it's called shooting yourself in the foot. Especially when you have a prideful, dogmatic attitude toward what others choose to watch or read. There is plenty of wrong from the gospel on a lot of ideals presented in entertainment, THAT is why we filter it through our theology instead of letting it threaten our theology! How do you keep your kids from this? Teach them to do the same.
Back to her statement:
"I love the Office too, and I don't find it as offensive as the Twilight Series, but I have to ask myself "does this glorify the Lord...does it bring edification to myself and my family...is there any spiritual value in bringing this into my home?" It's tough for me...I pray for God's strength!"
This is true. Yet, how many things in life do we have the freedom to enjoy that are not necessarily directly glorifying to God. Enjoying things is however a way to glorify God because he wants us to enjoy things! He put this in us as a reflection of his character. We can no more filter out all of the fall of man in our entertainment that we enjoy than we can all the chemicals and fat in our ice cream. Do you however choose the treat that will give you cardiac arrest or the one that is better for you? Entertainment is much the same. Some of it is permissible but not beneficial (1 Cor 6:12). Paul then states in that verse that "I will not be mastered by anything". That is the key. The level at which you expose yourself will effect your spiritual health just as the things you chose to eat effects your physical health.
The point really comes back to the bane of legalism rather than the subject of personal conviciton. For it is here that I had the most shock and awe at the attitude being presented.
"We are all on different sections in our spiritual journey. Some of us are strong in our walk in the Spirit and others are not. Only a few are disciplined and enlightened enough to abstain from all evil."
Wow. Where in the bible does it say that? Where does it say that the strongest Christian man who is the most disciplined and enlightened will be able to abstain from all evil!? Only, ONLY, only Christ was that man. It's true that we are all on different parts of our spiritual journey but I heard Paul say quite the opposite of this when he said:
"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life." (1 Tim 12:15-16)
Paul was what I would consider to be one of the strongest Christian men ever and yet THIS was his assessment of himself.
We have to be careful what the law does to us. It was only meant to do one thing. When the law shows you what a wretch you are, when it lays you bare and convinces you of what a great deprived sinner you are, it is doing what it's meant to do. When it makes you legalistic and puffs up your spiritual pride to convince you you are more enlightened, stronger, more disciplined than other believers, it is an idol and you are being deceived by the enemy. The law can be a form of feeding the flesh because it can feed your pride when it's not laying you low at the feet of Jesus. How often can we be reminded that the ground at the foot of the cross is even ground?
I realize this is a long post (you are welcome Trish:) but I have one final point to make that I've been thinking about.
I think it could be said that having some evil in our literature is actually a reflection of our being made in the image of God. Now, carry on before you get me wrong. I was listening to the Part 2 of Randy Alcorn's book I introduced in the previous post and it struck me that God himself allowed evil in the world to let his glory and righteousness (good) shine forth all the more. This is a great mystery. It's one of the aspects we will be reading about in his book "If God Is Good". To appreciate the good we have to see it's counter part, the bad. Having evil characters in stories to a degree is nothing new under this sun. Some may be more evil than others, but all make us appreciate the justice, the beauty of love, the redemption of sacrifice, and many more good things. Like I stated in my Soap Box post, a good work of fiction has a dilemma, a struggle, an evil, a problem, a darkness to be overcome. Let's not blow it up into something it's not especially when we don't even know what IT is in the first place because we have refused to read it for legalistic reasons. At the same time we don't want to shrink down the vulgarness that is there in many forms of entertainment. Humbly seek that balance but do not be tempted into legalistic pride whatever you decide your conviction is. You may very well choose to shun something, but do not think you are better or a higher caliber of Christian if you do or you have been tainted by sin when you were trying to avoid it in the first place! It's mind boggling really.
We don't want to give much credit to Satan, but he will tempt us to feed our flesh with entertainment. He will also tempt us to feed our flesh with our spirituality. Steer clear of both and be good watchmen on the walls for both enemies approaching at your gates.

If God Is Good Summer Book Club

Do you have deep, honest questions for God? Are you brave enough to search them out with Him? Do you let yourself wonder how a good God can harden hearts (as he says he did with Pharaoh and even King Saul among others), allow evil to even exist, or permit suffering? These are VERY hard questions I ask all the time. My heart longed to search out answers in this area. The bible says that some of the mysteries belong only to God (Duet 29:29), but does he leave us wanting in this area? Where is the balm for our aching souls when it comes to evil and suffering?
Watch this and then read further: (the sound is fuzzy, sorry)


Many people feel they would be struck by lightening asking deep hard questions of God. Yet, He longs for us to seek him with a full heart. Seeking with complete trust and respect for who He is will always be rewarding. Questioning him with a rebellious spirit angry for the way He has orchestrated things will lead only to despair. It's okay to disagree with God. Do your kids disagree with you? Do you still expect them to trust and obey? Are you okay with them saying they disagree as long as they submit anyway? Yes. It is the same with God. We should not expect ourselves to always agree with Him just as we should not expect ourselves to understand Him fully. If we did, we would be His equal. His ways are higher, and his thoughts are bigger than our little minds can fathom and therefore, we should expect to disagree or find His plan sometimes being completely against our common sense. If you have submitted to a God who promises you prosperity, deliverance from suffering, or immunity from evil, you have not known the true God of the bible.
This summer, Starting June 1st, I'm starting a Summer book club both online and in person for any who would like to join me. The book is "If God Is Good" by Randy Alcorn. If you walk through with me online, there will be a posted reading schedule. If you cannot get it all in on time, please continue on as you can. The discussion will still be stimulating. If you would like to meet with me to discuss the book I'd like to get together with some ladies every other week at a coffee shop. If you are interested in either please comment here and I'll email you details as time gets closer. There are 45 short chapters in the book. All of it is incredibly stimulating reading. It's the type of book you want to underline in. I truly believe this book will help believers help others who are questioning the same things in their life.
The book club will go from June 1st through August 15th. That's two and a half months to read which I feel is a reasonable pace. On the blog, I will be going through X amounts of the book a week and doing a weekly post on thos e passages. Then, the comments are open for discussion on your thoughts or questions from them.
If you get time, go back to You Tube and watch Parts 1-7 of Randy's discussion on this book. I chose Part 2 to introduce you to the book because I felt it zeroed in on what brought me to the book. If you plan to read the book, these are a must. Part 7 is astounding!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYWayNQWiC0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oRnMYfzFuc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1aQ8W8w-Bw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FogTZhygdlY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rc-MObgg40U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICxUy9FfZmY

Lilo Get's Braces!

It went well, she was excited to be there. She chose neon green bands but they are actually real cute since she has green eyes. She says she is not sore yet and it's about 4pm. We'll see how it feels tomorrow.

The second picture she was coming out of a cross eye face:*

Menu Monday: 87 Cents A Pound!!!

I have a lot of chicken at my house this week. If you did not get yours, run to Albertson's today because it's the last day for the sale (they also have a deal where you can get Quaker cereal and granola bars for a buck a box if you buy 5 which is no sweat at our house). It's with the skin and bone but I just cut the breast meat out and boil the bones for soup.
(PLEASE NOTE: If you commonly read in google reader, it will not show changes made to a post by the administrator. Many times I come back and add or fix things on here so you may want to click to the actual blog. I'm bad at that)
So, my brain has been on chicken.


I have two dishes to share with you today. A while back we had the one pictured below. It was easy and refreshingly different than our normal fare.

Italian Chicken Cacciatore

3 Chicken boneless, skinless breasts cut in half lengthwise to thin (or beat the tar out of a whole one if you like)

1 can Italian stewed tomatoes (or regular and add your teaspoon of Italian seasoning and some garlic powder which I'd add anyway)

1 pkg sliced mushrooms (Italian ones are better)

1/2 cup halved kamalata olives

1/2 white or red onion sliced

2 cloves garlic crushed or chopped

2 Tbs. Capers (optional)

2 Tbs. or a big splash of cooking Sherry or a dry white wine

salt and pepper to taste

Fresh parsley to top

EVOO

In a nonstick pan coat with EVOO for one min and put in chicken. Cook about 5 minutes on each side or longer depending on thickness. Remove meat. Add remaining ingredients to pan except parsley and let come to a good simmer. Do not cover. (If you feel this is a little dry for your taste, add 1/2 to 1 cup chicken stock but you will really want to simmer it down or you will have soup) Simmer on low until veggies are tender. Season to taste. Return meat to mixture to rewarm.

Serve over brown or white rice or even a favorite pasta. Top with fresh parsley.

This week we will be doing this recipe however which I don't have a picture for. It is way too easy and gets way too much undeserving praise at the dinner table. You just need to pick up one of these at your Costco or a smaller version at your supermarket. McCormick's Grill Mates: Montreal Chicken.

Again, I take about 3 Chicken breasts (boneless, skinless)and half them lengthwise (this just discourages waste in our family and helps us milk out our meat into more appropriate portions...it also allows more flavor with a thinner meat).

I just dust them top and bottom with this puppy right here above. I put them in my cast iron skillet with olive oil on the bottom of the pan. Roast them at 400* for about a half an hour turning them once.

I serve this simply with roasted red potatoes (cut in wedges, add onion and red pepper if I have it) that cook right in there with the meat, and cool tossed salad.

The seasoning and the roasting make for a tender, flavored and juicy chicken dish, and it's so simple.

Oh, and don't forget to make a great pot of sun tea!