Tackle It Tuesday: The Climb

I joined TOPS this time last year. Has it helped me? Yes. I have lost 10 lbs and flirted with a few more pounds that have bounced back way too many times. Still I have to remember that going keeps me from overall gaining. Ever time I get going something happens in life to halt me. I'm sure that happens to everyone though. The surgery has really set me back again and although the nausea and appetite loss helps me at times, the estrogen patch is fighting against me and I can really tell. So, I have to get serious or I'll be in trouble soon. Time to get back climbing.

I told my friend Trish who is in TOPS with me, that we should come up with a few simple goals and hold each other accountable. I tend to go overboard on goals and bury myself in disappointment when I cannot possibly reach them. So, I'm going to start with three and go from there.

1. Breakfast: I don't enjoy breakfast and if I do it's usually carbs that I like. I kind of gag at the thought of eggs in the morning (and I have since I was a kid really). So, for a while I don't want to have to think about it at all. I purchased a big tub of Soy Protein at Trader Joe's and have tons of frozen fruit in the freezer i need to use up. I'm just going to use that and a little yogurt for morning smoothies. Thankfully the weather is warming up!


2. Walk: The most important thing I can do is get more walking. I really wanted to be running a 5k by now but I'll have to be patient and build back up now. My goal is 20-30 min 6 days a week.


3. Evening Eating: I'm making a goal to only have herbal tea or water after 7pm except for one night a week (Monday's when I go to TOPS and don't eat until I get home).

It's hard to believe I only have about 20 lb to the top end of my healthy weight. The last 20 are so hard and I know they are going to take sheer warfare! I'm praying my hormones don't get in my way too much either. I'm drinking lots of ginseng, decaf green, and tension taming herbal teas to help with all that.

Every time I come back to this goal I am encouraged by this song. It reminds me of many good things. It's a good walking warm up song too. Though it's a cute little teen song, it's got a lot of truth to it. There is always going to be a struggle, a goal, a battle. Thinking that getting through one will make everything in life good is not true but that doesn't mean it's not important.

Menu Mondays: Mexico's Gift To America- Pozole

(the above is a chicken pozole with very little meat, not how I usually make it)

We moved to this small California town nearly 5 years ago. It's heavy with Mexican culture. The majority of the kids in my children's classes are first generation. Though I have my political opinions on the massive flood of immigration into this state and how it's really bleeding us dry, there are many things I've learned about this culture from living here and having our kids in school. Many of the families we know are hard working people really doing their part to become part of the American society while still respecting their heritage. More than anything, Taco Bell becomes a cheap (literally) joke when you get to taste some of their authentic cooking.

Last year, Princess was in her first year of public school transitioned from homeshooling. She was in 5th grade and Rick and I tried to be as involved as we could. Her teacher did a few holiday occasions by having a lunch pot luck in the classroom. Since most of the families were Hispanic, the foods were as well. This was how I came to have my first bowl of Pozole. Pozole is kind of a sister to the Menudo soup but I'm not into eating tripe (in fact, I find it funny that many times cooked tripe is pictured with beer or other alcohol and yep, that's what it would take for me to eat it, way more than I'm willing to drink) so I prefer this one.

It was rustic, brothy and OH, so tasty.

(next segment is read at your own risk...)

Historically Pozole has a very pagan and disgusting origin. It was a soup made for special ceremonial occasions that took place after human sacrifices. It's 2 main ingredients were corn (more specifically hominy), which was sacred to the ancient Mexicans since they believed the gods made man out of cornmeal (sounds stupid but I'm not sure monkeys sounds any better..lol), and ....ew..cover your ears....human. Yep, from the sacrafices. Please don't let that gross you out to continue.

Once cannibalism was outlawed, pork took it's place because...well, I won't tell you why, it may just be too much. You can also use chicken or turkey. In more recent (barely) history, Pozole was mentioned by Bernardino de Sahagún, a 16th century Spanish Missionary to the Aztec people.

Ironically what started out as a special occasion dish has become the pot of soup for the everyday family. It's ingredients vary according to region. Just like grandma's chicken soup in America, everyone does it differently. I'll give you my version. Play around with some others if you like, I'm sure they are all good.

Mrs. Oz Pozole

1 Pork Shoulder or Butt

1 30 oz. can Hominy

1 Head of Cabbage

1 Large white onion

3-5 cloves fresh garlic

2-4 Limes + lime juice to taste

1 Tbs. cumin

1/2 cup red chili sauce (a spicy enchilada sauce will do)

1/2 bunch of Cilantro (if you don't like cilantro one, I feel sorry for you, but two, you can use a few small cans of green chilies)

Half a stock pot of water (I don't measure water...you'll have to eye ball that one)

Salt and Pepper to taste

Pig's foot (optional)

Place pork (and pork foot should you want to use) in stock pot and cover with water till pot is at least half full. For a low fat soup, you can cook the pork till it's falling apart and refrigerate the broth. Later you can skim off the fat and continue the soup from there. Otherwise....

Remove tender pork to a large platter or bowl. Discard any bones or fat (and foot if you used it)and return meat pieces to the broth after they are separated into bite size pieces. Put on high heat and chop onion, garlic and cabbage. Add to pot followed by seasonings and red chili sauce. Drain can of hominy and add to pot. Half two limes and squeeze juice into broth (many recipes use lemon juice and serve the soup with a wedge of lime, I prefer just using lime because of it's Mexican flavor) and drop halves right into the pot for about half an hour to release lime flavor into the broth. You can skip this if it's too much for you, I came up with this myself because I love the depth of flavor it adds to the soup. Just remove the halves after they have simmered in there a while.

Cook until cabbage is tender. Chop half head of cilantro and add to soup. Taste to see if you need more lime juice (you want a bit of a tangy broth but taste to your liking) or salt and pepper.

Serve in bowls with a wedge of lime for squeezing and either corn bread or warm tortillas with butter. Pozole is great made the day ahead and then reheated. It's also great with quesadilla wedges.

Hope you enjoyed your little history lesson but try to forget it when you eat the soup. :)

I'm very exited about my next adventure. I seem to be on a soup theme without meaning to. I've been very interested about the traditional soup of Vietnam called pho (sounds like "foe"). It sounds very unique and I'm hoping to share about it next week or the week after depending on how life goes.

Whatever Wednesdays: The Evolution of Marriage

In more than just a few days Rick and I will be celebrating 13 years of marriage. We started dating Nov. 7, 1995 and the first day I saw him was somewhere around Oct. 20th of that same year. It didn't take long even though I was really not wanting to be in a relationship at the time. Actually, the emotional and I believe, providential aspects of our meeting make those weeks between meeting and dating seem so long to me in my memory. I'm always shocked when I think back to the actual timeline because it was so short! Even after we started dating I freaked out (because honestly, he seemed too good to be true and any of you who have met Rick know that his friendliness is not the norm of today) and we backed off for two weeks. Then, he came home with me on that Thanksgiving to meet my family. It didn't help my resolve against him when my dad absolutely loved him, and my brother even more. My brother has cerebral palsy and Rick grew up with a disabled sister who has since gone to be with the Lord. My brother connected to Rick right away because Rick knew how to connect to him and made him feel like he really wanted to be his friend. I will never forget sitting in the swing hung up in the big oak tree behind my parents house, looking out at the vineyard and skyline across the street and just listening to him converse on whatever thinking in my mind "this is the man I'm going to marry". It was as if part of me was telling the other, more sceptical part of me, how it was gunna be. Well, that part was right and has sustained me still even when the sceptic in me debates.

I just broke all my own rules with Rick. Well, I should blame it on that optimistic side of me anyway! LOL! I had made two rules for myself prior to meeting Rick. I would not be the first to say "I love you", and when I did I wanted to say something more like "you are the one I want to learn to love". (No, in my relationship revolution, I did not resolve to not kiss until my wedding. May I just side tangent for a moment on this one?! I find it the most rediculious of concervative Christian practices. Every couple should have their first kiss as THEIR moment. If it's awkward, they don't care. There is no one looking on to see how perfect it is going to be. Plus, it's your first one! It should be yours alone. The first kisses I've seen at weddings, I've felt so bad for the couple and they are all EXTREMELY awkward. SO, NO, I won't be advising my children to this. If you want to wait, good, have a special date for the day before the wedding at least to have your moment. If you feel you need your parents right outside the door to confirm that was all you did ....fine. Please people! Anyway....sorry for that soapbox interlude.) It's true, I'd had some real growing experiences on how easy it was to fall in love and then have it not work out. I had come to realize the vulnerability of infatuation. I knew that the one I married would need to be a choice and that love would have to be learned more than anything. Still, my resolve went out the window. Not only did I tell him before he told me, I indeed stated "I love you". It was all good though. We were driving on a country road and just like the feeling I got on the swing a month or more before, I knew I could be content driving just about anywhere with this man and it overwhelmed me. So, in the quiet of the drive I made my declaration. I remember my stomach exploded in butterflies and I was a little mad at myself but he pulled the car over to make sure he could give me all his attention and told me he loved me too. I was days past turning 19, and he had just turned 25.

Yesterday I was at the grocery store grabbing a few things and there was an older couple ahead of me. The wife was bagging the groceries (ha, now you know where I shop) while the old gentleman stood at the atm machine waiting for the total. I started to clue in with some things he was saying, that his memory was fading and he was stepping on uncertain waters of Alzheimers perhaps. Jovial as could be though he waited patiently and then got a little concerned and asked the cashier "is that all still my stuff?". He seemed to have forgotten what he was buying and was worried he was paying for someone else's items. She gave him the total and he paid. A few seconds later as she is running the machine and waiting for the receipt he says "Do you have my card?". "No, sir, I just gave it to you", she replied. All this time the wife is not even looking up, she is bagging those groceries and leaving Mr.Jovial to fend for himself.

It was refreshing for me to see. Lately I've been at the store and noticed way to many very elderly couples lashing out at each other. Sometimes you can hear them before you can see them. "Well, I don't know, you tell me!?" I heard one day and was alerted to an old couple in the isles looking like they were going to kill each other over some trivial decision about pillows. Another time I came around the corner to hear an elderly wife just raking her old, most likely forgetful, husband for leaving his wallet at home. "You mean I came all the way out here!" Still another time I overheard a very domineering elderly husband grouching at his wife while shopping. Each time I remember thinking how miserable they seemed. Letting patterns of selfishness and sinful communication become part of their hardrives had taken over any grace for the failing years together. All I could think was that I didn't want to be that way.

With my health issues lately I have been more than ever blessed by my husbands love for me. He is no angel, (and he is not married to one) but he does all he can to love and care for me and be patient in uncertainty. It's made me realize that there are only more of those days to come in our future. Life becomes more and more about loving by choice and less and less about waiting to love when the mood hits ya. If adversity quenches love, love is doomed!

The couple at the grocery store, though I did not see them long, and I'm sure they gripe with each other at times, seemed to have learned how to flow. She did not nitpick at him, nor did she baby him or pay too much attention to his forgetful ways of handling things. She just did what she could and let him handle the rest whether he did it right or not. He didn't get grumpy with her with his little disorientations or ask her snippy demeaning questions, and he did not demand that she get up there and take care of things. There was a quiet acknowledgement of failing minds and bodies but a contentment to let it happen. More than that, there was a sense of knowing each other well and being okay with who they were.

My mom use to tell me the story of my great grandma cussing after her stroke. My mom told me not to use bad language for many reasons but one being that it will go into your default hardrive when you are older. My great grandma had a small habit of saying "shit" when things went wrong. Unfortunately for her though, after her stroke, her brain no longer controlled when she said it anymore. Mom says she would just blurt it out often and out of context. She told me then that we have to program edifying things in our minds for the reason of old age as well.

So, lately I've been thinking that that applies to an aging marriage as well. The patters you set will be the patterns you perform, even without thinking, later on in your old age. With my dad suddenly passing away at 54, I will consider myself blessed indeed to get to grow old with my husband. I've been reminded that this is not a guarantee. So many people today don't make it anywhere near the beauty of this evolving stage of marriage. They don't get to see the beauty of each stage as it comes with it's pain and beauty. They don't get to touch a depth that is there to be had with commitment. They base relationships on what will always, and without fail, fade away. Yet, even those of us who are committed should build strong blocks for our futures, Lord willing, together. Those little ticks that annoy us could be more overlooked with grace. Lately I've been literally stopping myself during these and telling myself "if he was no longer here, I would be missing this" or "this is an important aspect of HIS personality, it's not mine, it's his, and I shouldn't let it bug me". Many of these things are patterns I develop now in my response systems, reaction habits and more.

There are many unglamorous aspects about aging that will make it unavoidably unpleasant in many ways. Yet, what a great sadness to have on the heels of those unavoidables, the damage of bitterness and baggage. More than that, how lonely to travel that road alone or with one you don't really know. To have walked a journey together, evolving, changing, deepening, and growing in grace will be one of the greatest gifts we can give each other when everything else really stops working well. To be there for each other, the closest of friends, knowing each other so well and accepting each other even more, will be the magic of old age. It won't come on it's own though. In fact, I think, like a garden neglected, it will indeed digress on it's own and neither of us will have the mental or physical strength to clean it out by then. The work for such beauty starts now, keeping it simple but keeping it lovely. All washed over in grace, undeserved, but received from Christ and not kept, but poured out on the one we love.

Thankful Thursday

It's been a rough week. I won't lie. Monday was a very tough day of hormone problems. Mostly in the panic feelings. I could best describe this as somewhat of a mental claustrophobia. Once again, it comes on for no reason and usually when I'm either just mentally sorting through something (like "okay, I did this and now I need to do that" or "what was that I was supposed to remember at the store?") or when I'm trying to focus on something or someone talking. Even my eyes seem unable to focus well at these times. I can just be looking at someone and trying to hear them and in my mind I'll start to panic and then try to talk myself down from the panic feelings and still try to listen to what they are saying. The other big symptom is that I will get really truly hungry but when I go to eat, within a few bites I start to loose my appetite. This one I don't understand. Monday I fought these off every few minutes all day. Tuesday the nausea hit, as I predicted since that seems to be the pattern. I got in to see my OB. She is putting me on the estrogen all month instead of just two weeks out of the month as it seems these symptoms are pretty much gone while I'm on the patch and it starts getting in my system. She gave me an anti-anxiety to use if there are days it's really bad. She thinks that the patch will level me out enough that I won't need them though. I sure hope so.
I've also just been put on an antibiotic as I developed bronchitis. I've not been sleeping well with tons of coughing. Hopefully the antibiotic will kick it in the bottom for me. I so look forward to feeling better.
In the midst of all this...there is thanks.

• I am thankful to be reminded that I am indeed quite mortal. This reminds me every day of my need for my Savior. When hormones make you feel you are mentally going crazy, all you can do is lean on God's care for you by what ever means he wants to use be it prayer, helpful hands, medicine, whatever. I've been very nervous with which meds and methods are best and I've really had to trust God in this too and that is good for me.
• For kids and a husband who are very capable of navigating life when I'm kinda down. It may not be perfect, and it may not be the way I would do it, but they are doing well at it.
• For my mom, who is praying for me and helping me be brave.
• For times when I feel good and truly can appreciate feeling good.
• For the blessing of every day haven making. Though I've had little energy for it lately, it's been a pleasant work for me to make home life run smoothly.
• For a patient boss who is so nice to navigate these health obstacles with me.
• For the fact that Superkid is doing better this week in school and having a more positive attitude about it all. I'm thankful we have been able to work with him on his heart issues.
• For comforters on clearance for the girls new room decor.
• For the promise that God will see me through anything and that he will see my family through it as well. That he is not only getting us through but he is working it for our good and His glory. It makes one more grateful to go through stuff looking at it that way.

Have a lovely Thursday of gratitude for all God allows you to do and for His wisdom in what he does not allow.