Just An Update

Thought I'd come by and just update how things are going after the events of the past few weeks. To catch up on what transpired before, you can read here.

As far as the surgery goes, I'm just now starting to not hurt, so that's a good thing. Regarding the symptoms of nausea, faintness and anxiety type attacks (adrenaline rushes I call them), they were really non existent after about a week. Then, it came time for my body to ovulate and the first problem was that my body chose to do that out of the affected ovary. So, pain, pain, pain again. I was okay with that though, I prefer pain over the other symptoms which are more psychologically painful.

The day after this we went to church. I struggled with lack of appetite, some dizziness and weakness but I took almonds to munch on and by the end of the service I was feeling normal. Then, Monday came and Rick was off. I had no reason logically to feel stressed at all and yet the anxiety adrenaline pulsed through my body on and off most of the day until evening. Tuesday I woke up and was shaky and nauseated and faint feeling again. I was trying to make myself eat almonds and drink juice while I struggled just getting through getting the kids ready and making their lunches. I laid down a few times but it was not helping. I was supposed to drive a way to my doctor that morning and it was raining so I made the decision to call Rick home because I was worried I would not make the drive myself very well. In about an hour I was feeling better but he did go down with me.

My doctor was very patient in asking questions and trying to pin point what my specific problem was. She said it sounds like between ovulation and the end of my period I'm in a very unbalanced PMS phase. Evidently this whole phase of the cycle is PMS related. She said there was no good way to know if I was low on estrogen or progesterone due to the cyst messing up my hormones. The only way to proceed was really by trial and error. We start with one and if my symptoms get worse, we know it's the other one. You can imagine my fear of them getting worse, I was feeling like this was a game of Russian roulette with my body. She said that usually the lack is in estrogen and we would start there with the lowest dose patch. The other must do was that I get more calcium. Little did I know that calcium works as a messenger from the brain to the hormones and if you are not getting it in the right amount, your hormones won't balance properly.

It would also seem that my body is under some response to stress even though I myself mentally and spiritually don't feel stressed. I don't feel anxious about anything in my life (except now these attacks of anxiety...which is frustratingly ironic to only have anxiety about having anxiety) but my body seems to be. So, if this is not enough, we may have to try a low antidepressant for a while until my hormones get my emotional and mental stability back on track. Right now, I'm hoping the hormone patch and my concentration on healthy eating will make the difference. It's amazing what an earthquake to you body just a cyst can be.

The last few years of my life have been very stressful but it's funny because if you ask me, I'd truly say and mean it that I'm okay. My personality is to push on and keep going but it would seem that my physical self has born the brunt of the stress.

Thankfully Rick has a good job and now that my doctor has documented these problems medically he can always take emergency leave if the flare ups make me unable to function. I cannot tell you how grateful I am in every normal moment. Whenever I feel okay, I try to give thanks. There is no appreciating normal until you get sick. I keep telling the Lord I need his strength and healing because I want to be able to just do the every day things to take care of those I love. I have a 12 year old daughter about to start an even more intense time in her own hormones, I really need to be on track myself. When it gets bad I don't deal very well with anything above survival and a dramatic tween is not easy to face in these times. It is causing me to cry out to God and lean on him for my every breath.

I cannot deny that I really long for it to be over though. As my doctor says, "welcome to the 30's dear."

Since starting the patch yesterday afternoon I have been a bit better. Last night I felt very emotionally PMSing in my lack of stamina for a stressful situation between Princess and I (again, the biggest challenge on my stress level right now). The biggest part still hanging on is the nausea or just lack of appetite. Yesterday I could only get down about 20 almonds and a yogurt until dinner when I had a piece of lean pork and some asparagus. I did not want to eat any of it. Forcing myself to eat is a new thing for me for sure and it's a sure sign that things are still off. The mornings are the worst time for me. I've started getting up earlier to give my body time to work through the nausea before Rick leaves so I know I'm okay to handle the kids. I have to sit up in bed and sip water and force down 5 or so almonds (the almonds seem to work real well as they give my body a little protein). From there I have been chugging down about 4 oz of juice. Once that settles I'm usually feeling okay. I don't do coffee at all right now, and frankly I'm scared to death of it. It's almost as if the hormone levels are at their worse in the morning just like in pregnancy really. My aversion to food makes it so hard to cook too, just like morning sickness. I think I'm going to have to cook when I feel good.

So, I'm on the adventure, scary as it may be, to get back to normal. I will never take it for granted again and I have learned how important my taking care of myself really is on a nutrition level especially. We women are such a delicate balance that as we get older I think we have to pay more and more attention to our health.

I covet prayers for normal and I'm so thankful for some of you who have been praying. I want my kids to have a normal mom again.